Baby? no baby? HELP!?

Question

My girl and I have not been seeing eye to eye. She wants a baby so badly even when hurried to get somewhere she'll stop at the sight of any really young child and get emotional. (while of course baby talking and so on with said kid) Personally, I have no want or need for a child. We're both setting up our lives right now, getting where we want to be. I've said we should wait, she of course disagrees!

The dilemma comes in our sexual lives. If I grab a condom before the moment, or suggest we use some form of birth control she has a FIT! The deed still goes on, but if BC use is there she's totally not into it and hurries the situation. I get completely worried about not using any birth control. So much so that I don't enjoy the moment for the "wait and worry" period between menstrual cycles! Having an unwanted pregnancy is not something I look forward to. She sits in probably 16 hours of hope everyday that it's "her" time. Any bodily changes she goes through I notice right away and have a tendency to ask about any symptoms. I love the girl dearly, but this situation is exhausting. Not only to us both but obviously the relationship is suffering.

On a side note: I'm 28, she's 26. Living together in our own place.

Any suggestions out there to resolve the situation? What can be done? and of great importance...How do we have this discussion peacefully?! (past attempts at fixing things have resulted in fuming shouting matches and hurt feelings!) I'm at a loss right now as this problem is causing stress that of course affects every other relationship issue that comes up.

Answer 1

Having kids is a huge thing.  If you aren't ready then she needs to respect that and not try to trap you into one.  You guys need to sit down and talk about it.  You will only end up resenting her if she does get pregnant.  I know it's the woman actually pregnant, but it still changes 2 lives.  Just because you want someone there during s*x doesn't mean you have to have a child.  And think about it, if she is going to be this immature about trying to have a baby what will happen once one gets here.  I say run away and find a woman who is on the same page in life as you are right now.

Answer 2

You have to compromise with everything being in a relationship, but if you're not ready for a child then do not go through with it. I think you have to have a very serious talk with her. Women want everything their way and always want to be right, of course we do! But when it comes to babies, if you are not ready then she has to deal with your situation. You need to be ready to have a child, afterall, you would be a father. It is not just her baby, it is both equally.

But they say, " A man becomes a father when he see's his child. "

Answer 3

I had approx. the same situation, but we're younger - I'm 22, my husband is 24.

I want to have children badly and he wanted to wait for some time. At first I agreed but it's really difficult when you know that you are ready for a baby NOW and you have to wait for 1 or 2 years for some reason, to have better jobs or sth. One can never be completely ready for a child.

So I talked to him and said frankly, that motherhood is the most important thing to me in my life, I love him dearly but this conflict could ruin our relationship day by day. And between a baby and him, I would definitely choose to have a baby.

Well, he thought for some while, faced his fears [and men have a lot of them while thinking about children] and realized, that having a baby is not such an awful thing and everything will be okay, this is not the end of the world - it's more like beginning.

Now we are ttc. Never been happier.

Answer 4

You and her are going to have to make a compromise or it will just get alot worse.  

Answer 5

I dont know what to think.... it sounds like she is really immature, or at the very least slightly obsessive.... does she work? She needs to find something else to do. It is very unfair to you if she treats you like that because your not ready and are trying to be responsible. I would look into how strong your relationship is.

Answer 6

Having a baby should be joint decision.  It is not hers alone to make.  You need to sit down with her and maybe come up with some sort of timetable.  For example, for the next 2 years we are going to spend time setting ourselves up financially so that we can offer a child the best that life has to offer.  Then we can start trying for a baby.

If she still has a fit I'm afraid that your only option would be to refuse to have s*x with her until she accepts that you guys are using BC.

If she's still unreasonable then I'm afraid its time to go.  If this girl doesn't respect you enough to wait until you're ready for a child then she's not with you because she loves you, she's with you because she sees you as a potential baby making machine and someone who will support her while she's having a baby.  i.e its all about her and what she wants not about you both as a couple.

Answer 7

When she wishes the baby so badly, why not agree? You´re both in a right age and settled. However unimaginable it is for you now, when the baby is there you might see it as the most fascinating experience.

If you stay in opposition for too long it may cause a serious emotional damage to your girlfriend, by the way. Those instincts once awaken are too strong to be suppressed..

Think about it.

Answer 8

jus tell her that u don't want a baby right now. that doesn't mean that u'll never want one. let her kno that the decision isn't hers alone, and it's wrong to bring a baby into the world if it's unwanted. it only causes resentment.