Baby shower blues, what am I to do?

Question

My family, whom I'm very close to insist I need a baby shower; however they all live 20 hours away! None of them have the money nor the time to travel out here to attend a shower.

My hubby & I have sat down and talked about it. We don't need a baby shower for any financial reasons, we don't need people to buy us things for the baby. Since he is well paid we are more than capable of suppling all that our baby needs on our own.

So since we don't need gifts the primary reason for us wanting a baby shower is to celebrate our little miracle.

All that said, here comes the problem...

I only recently moved here (about 7 months ago), I am a housewife to a solider in the US army and I have no friends, no acquantainces, no no-one since I moved here. The only people I see since I moved here, besides my hubby, are his friends, co-workers, & their wives. (My hubby has lived out here for almost 2 years.) I don't know any of my hubby's friends or their wives that well and honestly I don't like any of the wives. Not that they aren't nice people, I'm sure, its just that I have absolutely nothing in common with any of the wives so most visits with them are near unbarable for me. I often find myself sitting and socializing with the husbands instead, I get along with the guys much better, lol. I'm not close with any of the men, I've only met a few of them and never met any of them more than once. However I do feel more comfortable with the men than I do the women so..

So we thought about having a co-ed baby shower. But then the realization that most men don't consider celebrating a pregnancy or a baby to be very fun or interesting sat in. After talking about it, we realized many of the men would not want to attend.

So determined to find a way to celebrate this, my hubby & I started talking about what we could do to make it more fun for men and women. We thought about making it more of a bbq in the backyard or holding it at a resturant/bar. If we did a bbq then we could tell the men to just bring their own beer and a pack of diapers. Or if we did it in a resturant then we could have more male-friendly games.

Anyway, even if we could figure out away to make it comfortable for both men and women there's one last problem: everything I'm reading online (I've gone to like 8 different sites) says that the mother-to-be is not supposed to throw her own baby shower. I guess its considered poor ediquette? But if I don't throw my own shower then there is no one else who would! My family is half way across the country, all busy with their own lives. I planned my sister's shower online, did e-vites and helped her register. However she doesn't have the time to do that for me. And no one here is even close enough that they would offer, no one is close enough that I would feel comfortable asking them to do it.

I'm so upset by this. The only two people who attended our wedding was my hubby's best friend's wife (since his best friend was overseas) and her sister. I feel so disconnected from my family and I'm lonely sitting at home alone all the time. Now I'm pregnant, and so happy about it. I just want to celebrate this wonderful little life! But I really don't see how that is going to happen...

Answer 1

You are correct--etiquette guidelines are pretty clear about the fact that the parents to-be are not supposed to throw a shower for themselves.

If you want to have a celebration for your friends, particularly because you will be relocating, then have a barbecue for your friends at your home.  It doesn't have to be a "baby shower," per se.  

Answer 2

I wanted to throw my own baby shower too and everybody thought I was crazy. My mom threw me one though as a surprise, but since I didnt help plan the shower, none of the people I wanted there came. I only had literally about 10 people and food for about 60. Why dont you take a trip to where your family live if its still safe for you and the baby??? And since you have time, get your husband to come with you too. Im sure all of them want to see your belly.

Answer 3

Who cares if your not supposed to throw your own shower. In this situation people will understand. I think the bbq would be your best bet. This way you get to know your husbands friends better and you get a fun night and a few gifts. I wouldn't go to a restraunt because then everyone has to sit down with ppl they may not be comfortable with or even know and it will just be awkward. I think yall should have fun and throw your baby a party.

Answer 4

well this is a toughie, who cares if throwing your own shower is considered poor ediquette, i wouldn't. if i would have had to i would have thrown my own shower i was just lucky enough to have all of my family and friends close by. having a baby is a very special occasion i know cause i just had one myself on aug. 7th. throw your own shower you deserve it and so does your baby, have fun with it who cares what anyone thinks. you cant be preg. and not have a shower. good luck i hope all works out,

  god bless you and your little one

Answer 5

I'm from UK and as far as I am aware, baby showers aren't the norm however I sort of know where you are coming from.  My husband and I are both in the army and live miles away from our families, when I got married 3 years we had similar discussions about hen nights, stag parties and the big day itself.  In the end we skipped everything and got married in Austria and promised the families a big reception upon our return...we had a fantastic wedding but unfortunately events overtook us and the receptions never materialised!!

My point is, that I've regretted not having a hen night or reception ever since (my husband had been married before but I had not...I somehow feel like I missed out but he'd already done it all anyway).  Persevere with your plans, if you're only 15 weeks the chances are that you will make more friends (maybe other mums or pregnant women who live around the base etc etc).  I really like the idea of a BBQ, you can make it as personal or informal as you want...you also have the option of women indoors for a time to do the breast feeding discussions etc etc (as I said, I've never done a baby shower before so I have no idea what you talk about lol...I'm assuming babies??) with men outside drinking or you do a BBQ as normal and see how the day pans out...if it becomes apparant that you have made out some bad invites, you have the option of retiring indoors with a headache!! genius x  Whatever you decide I hope you have a great day, don't get too hung up on etiquette...organise it yourself, you know what you want better than anyone X

Answer 6

uhhh, wow. I'm not having a baby shower. Why don't you just avoid the whole mess altogether. You're family means well but it sounds like they need to butt out.  

Answer 7

Forget all the proper etiquette stuff! I threw my own baby shower! I live in Nicaragua and all of my family except my dad live in the States. I did a big bbq. I served all of the foods that I wanted and sodas and iced tea and let everyone else buy their beer. A fun game to get the boys in on is to fill baby bottles up with beer and let them race to see you can finish first. It's a lot of fun. As much as I thought it would be a little odd, my boyfriend's male friends gave the best, cutest, and most useful presents! Do a co-ed bbq, it's worth it. Who cares what everyone else says. Good luck!

Answer 8

I feel a baby shower's purpose is to celebrate the baby so why don't you and your husband do this alone. Have a day set aside where you just do baby geared things, you can decorate a nursery, feed each other baby food, watch baby movies, put the crib together, go to the park and feed the ducks, etc. You can end the night with a nice dinner out or in whichever suits you. As far as those family members far away ask for gift cards or have them write a special message in books for the baby and send them to you.

Answer 9

I'll give you a baby shower ok! How about this Idea. Since they are your hubby's friends come up with a party for him. A themed one, people love that. so it would be like his baby shower. Then you can have games like change the baby use a balloons and paper towels as the diaper with safety pins and the one who pops the balloon loses.  a baby relay race like make them blind folded and then turn them around and around and make them do daddy type things.prizes can be men things like go to wal mart and buy the travel samples of Axe and so on. since you are moving over seas i would make gift ideas like cloths, money and diapers.  you can reg at  babies r us and your fam and people back home can get gifts off there almost like an online baby shower. don't stress to much and have fun. gl.

Answer 10

Hope you could pick up a few tips from this website...