Baby wont make eye contact while drinking bottle?

Question

Ok. We have a baby here that is now 8 1/2months old. This baby has great social skills, loves people, has met all the milestones that should be met by this age, however will NOT make eye contact when being held to have a bottle. Has anyone had this problem or have any suggestions? This is not our birth baby, and this wee one had many moves in the first 5 months of life. I am concerned by this. I do everything, but this baby will NOT look at me when at the bottle....

Answer 1

poor little darling, he sounds like he is missing his mummy. dont worry once he becomes more comfortable with u, he should make eye contact.  I have a 6 month old biological child who doesnt make eye contact with me because he is looking at other things in the room, they get to an age where they like to look around and find everything (including the ceiling) intriguing. as long as u are giving him loads of love and attention he will be happy.

good luck

Answer 2

This baby misses his mother and is grieving for her loss. Don't force yourself on him.

poor baby  : (

Answer 3

If the baby will make no/little eye contact with you at other times as well, I would be concerned.  But if it is just during bottle time, I would not be so concerned.

But it sounds like she is doing o.k. at other times.

Do you feed her in a quiet, dimly lit room?

Do you rock her?

Do you have a feeding routine (same place, same chair, same environment?)

Do you sing to her?

Do you get frustrated when she doesn't look at you when feeding?

Does she make eye contact with anyone who feeds her?

Do you talk to her while feeding her?

Some things to consider.

Answer 4

Adraya has articulately said what I would have said.

Some specific ideas to try:

Make sure that you are holding the baby in such a way, such an angle, etc. to facilitate looking at you while at the bottle.  Can you tell if the contact seems too intense or not close enough?  Try changing that a bit and see what happens.  Try having someone else approach, speak soothingly to the baby and attempt to make momentary eye contact, then other person makes eye contact with you, sort of a subtle hint to the baby that he/she might like to try that.  I wouldn't try this more than ONCE per bottle.

Attempt lots of eye contact right before and right after each bottle.

Is this just with the bootle, or all food?  Since the baby is probably at or nearing the finger-food stage, seat yourself at eye level, directly infront of the high-chair and play feeding games.  One for you, one for me.  Allow the baby to feed you.  When it is your turn to be fed, act as you would like the baby to act.  I wonder if the baby will act as he/she perceives your behavior?  Watch reactions for clues.  Once you both get good at this, try pretending to miss the food, or accidentally let it fall out of your mouth, or somehow make the situation humorous, laugh and giggle at that, see if the humor of the situation gets an eye contact response.  

It might help for the baby to see you feeding other people too...feed another adult a strawberry, for instance.  Other people should feed you...and the baby might like want to play along.  Watch for a reaction, since this might back-fire since baby might think you are not just his/hers (lots of time in the future to tackle that issue).

Gentle patience.  Encouragement.  Time.  And in the end, it is the baby who will decide what he/she wants to do...and you can't force the issue.

Answer 5

At 8 months that sounds very normal. They are just very curious about their environment and stimulated by colors, lights, etc that they may see in the room or even things you don't think or interesting. They are just discovering their environment!

Answer 6

Eye contact while feeding is a crucial way for babies to bond with their caregivers. With many changes in caregivers in the first 5 months who can blame the poor thing. Probably afraid to bond out of fear of another move.

Give him or her time, make loads of eye contact during play. Look to other times for bonding, try touch or massage therapy. If he or she is receptive to hugs and snuggles try making more time for them outside of feeds.

Best of luck, I'm sure the babe will come around.

Might be a good idea to educate yourself about attachment disorders now. Better to head off a problem before it is out of control.

Answer 7

First, Adoptions answer, as usual is negative and ridiculous, Go figure! Anyhow, your answer is in your question. There really was not any consistency in the first 5 months from what I understand. What I would concentrate on now, is doing what you are doing, keep the routine the same, as he/she may be anticipating change again.  I don't think the infant "misses his/her mother" in this situation, I believe that he/she needs that "routine". Give it time. Maybe sing a certain lullaby, or soothing song while you feed him/her. Just give love..........

Answer 8

I once saw something similar on Discovery Health..

I think that they said for you to talk to the baby and reasure the baby that you are a perment home!!

If you think about it feeding is a bonding excersie for babies. But you little boundle of Joy has been suffled around so much that he/she has become numb to this act!!

I think after you have had the baby for a longer length of time and it is only the two of you feeding the little angel, you will be looked at!!

I say to ask the doctor if this is a bonding issue and could you do things in other areas to help stregthen the bond that you and the baby are growing..

Just remember this is a big change for the baby also so give the little one time!!

Answer 9

Oh my god I cant believe what ADOPTIONISSADANDSICK wrote for her answer. That is apauling! Have some respect and go get some help!!!

It doesnt matter if your aby is adopted or bio, babies dont have to make eye contact with you. It doesnt mean they have no bond with you, so dont get upset about that.:)

Maybey the baby is distracted by a shadow or light or something like that.

Dont worry and enjoy your little bundle of joy

Answer 10

Considering the moves the baby has had he/she may take a little longer to bond with you. there is nothing wrong per say, just you will need to work extra hard to reassure your baby that he/she will not be abandoned and you will love them!!!

Answer 11

You are right that you are experiencing some roadblocks to attachment.

Some suggestions for attachment:  

1.  really shrink your child's world and ONLY you care for your child whenever possible.  Since you describe your baby as "social" and he/she maybe doesn't prefer any particular people over others (babies that age should strongly prefer their parents or other close caretakers).

2.  Meet your baby's needs as quickly as possible.  

3.  Hold and rock your child a lot.  Carry your baby on your body in a baby carry, and you can do this with your skin touching - skin to skin contact is ihelpful in bonding.  You can also do skin to skin contact while bottle feeding, and you can shower and bathe with your baby.

4.  Treat your child their "emotional" age to meet their emotional needs, not their chronological age.  Your baby may be developmentally advanced, but emotionally immature due to emotional needs not always being met.

4.  eye contact is important and your instincts that something is not quite right are correct.  To promote eye contact:  take turns feeding each other bites of finger food.   Play games touching his/her face naming facial parts.  Rock your baby and sing-if he/she doesn't maintain eye contact when you sing, you can stop singing when he/she looks away and only sing when he is looking at you.   Hold your baby's bottle for him/her even if he/she wants to hold it-you should be providing the comfort of the bottle for them so they associate it with you

Don't hesitate to seek professional help.  It is so much easier to deal with problems early.  Read books on attachment parenting.  (My run-down of suggestions was very quick and meager :)

edited to add:  I agree with darian . . .   You should verbally reassure your baby you are his/her mommy and will always be there for him/her.  It may sound silly when he/she is only 8 months old, but it truly is needed.

Answer 12

Just give him some time and love him, love him, love him!!!

Answer 13

Maybe there is something more interesting in the room that captures his attention

Answer 14

You've gotten some good advice here.

I would just add to it and say develop a routine for bottle time, something that the baby can trust and rely on. This can be anything from a specific song you sing with each bottle, to giving 3 kisses (each cheek and a nose) at the beginning and end of feeding time, etc. It can really be anything as long as it is done with consistency.

Games like peek-a-boo are wonderful for encouraging eye contact. Also things like changing diapies and putting on the babies lotion after a bath can be made into something fun that encourages eye contact.

Besides that lots of holding time, and warm loving words.

As others have said, there are some wonderful books on attachment in adoption that I would consider very helpful parenting tools even with no attachment issues.

You may also just want to mention it to your ped at the regular check up to rule out any physiological issue. Even though it doesn't sound like there is, it never hurts to mention it.

Answer 15

This is concerning you for good reason, lack of eye contact during comfort holding and feeding is an important part of a babys life, I'm going to see if a more experienced friend of mine will come here and answer this.....Julie...where are you? Julie?

Don't overlook this, you may not be able to gain her full trust, this is about trust, and comfort in the child. Just be there for her and honor where shes at. Try http://www.informedadoptions.com