Bachelor Party Drama... what to do?

Question

Okay, one of my fiance's groomsman is trying to put restrictions on the guest list for the bachelor party. He doesn't want 2 close friends of the groom to attend. - One guy he had conflicts with in the past over a girl, and the other is dating his recent EX wife - it's an intertwined circle of friends...someone breaks up, they usually end up dating someone else whose apart or close to this group, how can you not expect this to happen?

He's trying to arrange so the party is held at his place so he can make sure these unwanted guests don't come. Now obviously they just wont go to his house and just go out to the bars instead... even so, my groom is stressing because he wants his close friends to attend this party that is FOR HIM. He doesn't want anyone to be mad at him by the end of that night.

I personally think this groomsman needs to quit being selfish, quit thinking about himself. This is for the groom not him.

Any advice?

Answer 1

Personally I'd tell the man that if he was grown enough to be involved in a marriage, then he should be mature enough to get over the fact that the ex has moved on. And he should also grow the bugger up because it's not his bachelor party. If there is going to be all this drama, then I suggest another groomsmen take over the bachelor party and he can stay at home or do something on his own with the groom-to-be to celebrate because it's unfair for him to exclude anyone that the groom calls a friend and wants to include in the celebration. If it was really that big of a deal, I'd tell them that we were having a Jack and Jill, put myself in charge and arrange it and invite anyone I dang well pleased. But I'm a bit of a kitch, so don't mind me.  

Answer 2

If the groomsman is hosting (and presumably paying for) this party, then even though the party is in your fiance's honor, your fiance hasn't got a lot of say in where the party is held and who is invited.  It sucks for your guy, but this is not an area where he gets to be a dictator.

If the host won't budge, then your fiance can host his own party and invite who he wants.  But as long as someone else is doing that job, your fiance is merely the guest of honor (emphasis on *guest*) and will just need to attend like everyone else on the list.

Answer 3

If he (the groomsman)'s not hosting the party then he doesn't have a say on the guest list. Point blank. If the other people are willing to put differences aside for one night and come out to support their friend then the groomsmen should be just as big a man and do the same. I would have your HTB talk to his best man and let him know that he really wants his two friends included. Of course this means the the groomsmen might not show, but that really is his petty lost.

Answer 4

I think you're absolutely right, the groomsman needs to be gently  reminded that this party is not for him, it's for the groom, to put his "big boy" pants on, quit being selfish and grow up.  If I were your groom, I would talk to my friend, and tell him exactly what you just told us.  He needs to tell this guy "Hey look, I know you don't really get along with so and so, but I do, and this is MY bachelor party.  I appreciate your helping out with this, but so-and-so and so-and-so will be invited to this party, if I have to personally extend their invitations myself.  I would really appreciate you understanding this, and supporting me in this decision.  Thanks."  

Good luck!

Answer 5

I agree with you. His groomsmen need to stop thinking about themselves and understand that it's all about the groom. If you know your soon-to-be is stressed, why don't you find a place with neutral grounds where his bachelor party can be held. If your soon-to-be wants his close friends there, then he should get that wish. I hope it all works out! =)

Answer 6

Sounds like these guys all have some issues.  Your fiance needs to simply tell the guys what he wants to do and arrange the events as needed for himself.  A bachelor party is usually just a bunch of guys going out to bars, so all he has to do is tell the groomsmen that they will be meeting at "Shaky's Bar" on 9th Street at 10PM.  He can buy the first round for his buddies to get things going and everything will be fine.  It's not like a bridal shower where somebody needs to be the host.

Best wishes!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 7

The groom should tell his best man in no uncertain terms that that ALL his friends are to be invited, period.....if he finds that friends have been deliberately excluded, he will not attend his own batchelor party...then he should go over the list of friends to satisfy himself that nary a one has been excluded.....

And you are right, when a guest starts dictating to a host who can and can't be invited, they should be read the riot act and perhaps univited for the attempted emotional blackmail, IMO, or told they have the choice not to attend themselves if they don't like their fellow guests....good luck.