Bachelor Party? MEN PLEASE HELP!

Question

I believe in this last night as a single man business, but I want to be calm and comfortable on this night, so he can have a good time.

I am a woman so its hard to be comfortable with your soon to be husband partying, drinking with buds, and of course strippers, but I really want to be comfortable. I want to have that night away from him, but I want to be secure, so I don't spend my night stressed over what he is doing.

Also I want the next morning to be okay with no fighting. If he says he did something, I want to be like "okay that was cool". Im not experienced with this, so I don't know what IS okay and whats NOT okay to happen.

What shouldn't a man do? What is not okay to happen and I should see as bad signs?

What is okay?

Please guys. I want to be the coolest wife ever, but I need to know what is right to flip out about and what is not okay to fight about. I don't want to fight because of my nerves and me being insecure. So if I know what is okay and expected then I can't get upset if all men usually do these things.

Is this wrong:

Kissing another female?

Touching?

Foreplay (of any kind)?

s*x?

Lap Dances?

Flirting?

Or anything else you can think of...WHAT IS WRONG for a guy to do at his BACHELOR party?

Answer 1

those are fun!!!!!

s*x ...i agree wouldnt be a good thing.....but otherwise knock your socks off and have a good time :)

Answer 2

Kissing - up to you but I draw the line at flirting

Touching- above the waist

Foreplay- no

s*x - h**l no

Lap Dances - sure

Flirting - OK

You really need to think about what is ok with YOU...not what will make you cool.  Some people engage in "open marriages" with constant "cheating",  others some mild flirting now and again is all that's allowed, others don't even want the spouse hanging out with the opposite s*x.  Think about these different scenarios and decide which, if any, would have a negative effect on how you see your fiancee and your trust in him.  It's no good being the "coolest wife ever" if you divorce soon after because you damaged your relationship.

Once you decide then have a talk with your fiancee about where you draw the line.

Answer 3

First of all, I think you should share with your fiance your concerns.  With that said may I add:

s*x and foreplay of anykind is NOT okay

And I think it is okay for you to tell him your concerns and I also think it is fair for you to ask him not to have s*x with someone else.  You are giving to him your life and it may or may not happen, but a life time consequence could occur if he has s*x with someone else (herpes, HIV even if you use a condom).  It might not happen, but why take the risk.

I wouldn't worry if he gets a lap dance or some girl kisses him.

Answer 4

Slow down.  You have got to talk to him about this in advance of the day of the party.  Under any circumstances do you think it is ok for him to do any of the things you listed with another woman? If not, then why would it be ok for him to do this at his bachelor party?

The bachelor party is not an excuse for him to get sexual with someone other than you and have his future wife excuse him from it.  Whoa. It usually is an excuse for all his buddies to have some fun without their wives and girlfriends and blame it on him ;)

Answer 5

My now-husband and I had this ground rule for any bachelor party (he suggested it):

Mr. Happy must be separated from any female company by at least two layers of fabric.  

That pretty much allowed any kind of lap dance grinding, but pretty much eliminated the most obvious kinds of sexual contact.  I've never heard of a stripper who let a customer kiss or go down on her, but I trusted that my husband wouldn't have any interest in THAT.

Have you ever been to a strip club?  You and a girlfriend should take a field trip.  You will find that it's a bunch of hard-looking, bored girls with tatoos and fake b***s, and that the scene is more pathetic than orgy-like.  If you saw it for yourself, I bet it would assuage a lot of your fears.  You know your guy -- he's got better taste than that.  

Answer 6

This varies from couple to couple. What do you think is okay for him to do? I would say kissing foreplay and s*x are out. Everything else is fine and expected. It is supposed to be a night of fun not a free pass to cheat. Dont fight with him though, let him have a good time just tell him before hand what is okay and what is off limits. Dont stress it, after its over you will be married and it will be in the past.

Answer 7

My view on this:

Kissing- Not happening

Touching- Not happening

Foreplay- Not happening

s*x- Not happening

Lap Dances- Not happening

Flirting- Not happening

Strippers- Not happening

As you can see, this is entirely up to you. My fiance and I have an agreement, neither of us are going to have strippers or anything raunchy like that. Since we both know our friends, we've agreed not to have a bach party unless it's a joint party. It sounds dumb to almost everyone (especially his family and my brothers) but this is how we both feel. You have to talk to your fiance and set the limits.

Answer 8

COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE!

You must set the ground rules prior to the bachelor party (no exceptions to the rules you both set!). You are in a partnership that's going to be for life; otherwise, why are you getting married!

If you don't learn how to communicate ground rules in situations like this, you will become one of the divorce statistics within 5 years or less.

Are you his equal or his subordinate in the partnership?

If you consider yourself his equal, then use this as a gauge. What would you feel comfortable doing with a strange man before your wedding?  If the answer is nothing, then he should be doing nothing too, thereby respecting you as his future wife and equal.

If you are his subordinate, then he's going to do what ever he wants and you are going to be the "good wife" and let things slide even if it degrades you, chips at your self-esteem, or goes against your values.  

Here's my husband's experience just before our wedding a month ago. He's British and I'm American, we are in our mid-twenties, and we are not particularly religious.

Generalizing men and the stereotype in the media of what Americans do before weddings, I told him to go out and have a bachelor's party with his friends and I wouldn't be offended he got a stripper (watching only, no touching). A few of his friends also suggested it as a surprise independent of me mentioning it.

He said to me (almost surprised I permitted it), that he wouldn't do that. He said if he wanted a stripper at this point in his life then he wouldn't be marrying me. In other words, he wouldn't be looking for marriage if he was still in the frame of mind where wanting a stripper at a party, in any capacity, seemed like a good idea.

What he said was so true that I felt embarrassed that I encouraged such a stupid and degrading stereotype like that.

To him the woman's body meant a lot less without the passion and connection behind it. If your woman turns you on, and you are marrying her because of it...why do you need a stripper before marrying her?

I was pleasantly shocked and value him loads more for respecting me in that way. I bought some "outfits" so I could treat him to his own private shows when he least expected it.

His friends agreed it wasn't his thing too and ended up taking him out for two full nights of drinking at various pubs.

Heck of a lot more classy and healthy for the relationship. Defines a true man and not a boy I think.

You know who you are and what you feel is right. You will do the right thing in the end. The most important thing is to communicate effectively in the relationship before you get married!!!

Hope this helps!