Bachelor party....i don't want strippers?

Question

So, me and my other 1/2 are talking about our wedding...he is a very shy guy, extremely faithful and I trust him with everything I am. He doesn't go out to bars/strip clubs or anything...and if he does...its together. he is a police officer, and just doesn't like the scene...However....he wants a bachelor party with strippers?!?!? I told him i am not comfortable and he says its just strippers...I don't know why if he never does this stuff...why does he feel he MUST have other nasty girls stick all their "stuff" in his face...i don't want him to get "turned" on like that....I just need to either know how 2 get him to understand...or how to get me to understand...

Answer 1

Tell him this is a deal breaker.  He can have strippers but he'll have to marry someone else.  See what he says then.  Then go and see who shows up at the party.

Answer 2

I knew my husband’s bach party would end up at a strip club, and it didn’t bother me in the least. I think it’s one thing to see a girl naked and want to be with her (not acceptable), it’s another thing to see a girl naked purely for the entertainment value (totally fine).  

Some girls don’t like sports. Would it be the end of the world if he went to a football game? Some people are opposed to gambling. Would you forbid him from going to a casino just once?   I just don’t see the point in being hung up over a few naked women. It’s just a a little nudity - not some sick, dirty thing society tries to make it into.

Answer 3

I think the biggest problem here is that he has had no interest in strippers until now which would make me a little worried as well.  yes you should be able to trust your partner, especially if you are marrying them, but on the other hand, your partner should also respect your concerns and be willing to discuss it.  I would tell him again that you ar enot ok with strippers all of a sudden, right before the wedding.  He is engaged and very much involved...this is not a last night of freedom as some will say.  ask him how he would feel if you have strippers at your party and were forcing the idea on him.  In all, I wouldnt be ok with it.  neithe rmy husband nor i have ever been to a strip club since we started dating eachother and never will as we agreed other nasty naked people have no place in our marriage.

Answer 4

Oh please, don't be one of "those" people. There is no room in marriages for pettiness and jealousy in a marriage, and that is exactly how you are being about your fiancee having strippers at his bachelor party.Get over it.

I am sorry to be so blunt, but subjects like this drive me up a wall, especially if it is a bit out of character for the groom to go see strippers. Leave the subject alone.

Edit: I see I got some thumbs down. Some very insecure women out there. I am engaged myself and if he was going to have strippers, I have no problem, as he has no problem with me having strippers at my party. Insecurity on such a small subject is a sign that you do not trust whom you are engaged to, and problems with such pettiness is a disaster in the making when it comes to the marriage itself. Stop being insecure.

Answer 5

just inform him that you'll be doing the same, but with many many male strippers. i wouldn't put up with that. i'd be pissed. see what he says to you having strippers.

Answer 6

My husband isn't the type to go to the strip clubs or anything else, but you know when it came time for his bachelor party I didn't feel it was my place to give him 'permission' to go wherever they wanted. He's a big boy and knows how to behave himself. I am sure your fiance is the same way.

You say you "don't want him "turned' on like that"...well sorry to inform you but guys get turned on by which way the wind blows - you can't control what/who/ or how he gets turned on - just enjoy it when he comes to YOU when he does!

Answer 7

I think that men who need strippers on their bachelor night seem to think it's some sort of "right of passage" or something. Kind of like, "everyone does it, why shouldn't I?"

Personally, I think it's a silly, stupid tradition. You're supposed to be celebrating your "last night of freedom," but  honestly, neither of you has been single for quite some time, so it's really pointless. My rule of thumb is, would you allow strippers at parties while you're married? If not, then stand firm on your wishes and try to make him see it your way.

Many couples don't do the stripper thing anymore. It's a dying tradition. My fiance and I aren't really even doing bachelor/bachelorette parties because we're not single and don't see the point. We're having a joint "party" a few nights before the wedding and going wine tasting with our friends and family, and having a nice dinner afterward.

You should tell your finace that you simply don't like the stripper idea because that's not how you want to start your marriage. Say you totally trust him, but that's not the point. The point is that you don't understand that now, all of a sudden, does he need this? You guys are getting married. It's not the way to celebrate your love for each other and just express how adamant you are on that.

It's not what he's doing, but what it represents. Put it that way.

Answer 8

I think a compromise is in order. He can go to a strip club (you've already said that's okay) but he can't get hired strippers.

I don't blame you for your stance on this. I LOVE strip clubs, more than my fiance and I have no problem if he goes to them with or without me. Yet, I have heard enough stories and have met enough strippers that do "private" shows to know that is no place my future husband belongs.

He should be willing out of respect to you to compromise.

EDIT:

To some people on here - There is a huge difference between going to a strip club (which a lot of you are advocating) and having a private stripper come to your house/hotel room etc. Strip clubs have no touching/etc. rules  and it takes a lot to get most girls to do more than the normal lapdance. In a more private location those same rules aren't in place, the show tends to be a bit wilder, and the girls are usually more open to doing "more." I have a couple of friends that have went from working for a club to working independently (more money) to going back to the club because they didn't like doing what was expected of them at private parties. It's simple logic, since the men are paying more they expect more.

Answer 9

Relax!!!! Let him do it. Not a big deal!!! They aren't going to have s*x. He obviouslyy loves you, hes marring you. so just calm down, and if he wants strippers, let him have strippers!  

Answer 10

It's his last cnance to have some fun with girls.  As long as he doesn't have s*x with them.  Why don't you do the same.

Answer 11

Hate to tell you this, but cops and firefighters are NOTORIOUS cheaters and cops especially LOVE to drop by the strip clubs on duty.

Answer 12

Make a compromise.

Her can go to a STRIP CLUB and do the stripper thing, they can get a VIP table, really ham it up is they want, and they way, he can return home by himself, without any worried from you.

My fiance also wants strippers. He does attend strip clubs (i think, we don't talk about it) I have a huge moral issue with strippers and the like but I respect the fact that he goes once and awhile.

He has agreed to go to a strip club, get only one lap dance, but in return I have agreed to let him get totally smashed (drinking is an issue with us) and he will return home to me that night.

Just find something that works for the two of you.  

Answer 13

I think you're just going to have to deal with it.  You get to do what you want to do for your bachelorette party, so you can't set rules for his bachelor party.  If you are marrying him you must trust him.

Answer 14

It's annoying when people excuse that disgusting behavior by saying, "It's his last chance to enjoy being single!" Excuse me, but I thought being engaged signified a promise to be true to that one person. If you are uncomfortable with him having strippers and you think it's wrong, it would be unfaithful of him to have them. He needs to be more sensitive to/respectful of you and your feelings about this if he's going to be your husband.

When he proposed to you, he was supposed to be showing that he was ready to kiss his single life goodbye then (actually, that should've happened when he decided to be exclusive with you). If he needs a "last hoorah," maybe he's really not ready to fully commit himself to a marriage and be completely faithful. If he wants the door left open for him to be able to look at other girls' bodies when he's got a perfectly beautiful one right there willing to give herself to him for the rest of her life, maybe you should leave the door open for him to leave, too.

If his friends are the ones who are pushing this issue, have him talk to them (or you can!) and set some guidelines. Talk to your fiance, and decide on a plan of action with him, too. I.e.- if strippers show up, he can leave the party with one or a few of his friends. Not all guys like or want strippers at their bachelor parties, just like not all women like or want male strippers at their bachelorette parties.

Answer 15

if you trust him it shouldn't be a problem. and plus, guys have egos so you have to understand him. its his last hoorah! he wants to spend the rest of his life with you so just give him a little freedom and choice. every guy watches p**n once in a while anyway

Answer 16

Relax! You have NADA to worry about. This is a night where all the guys are mostly concerned about getting the Bachelor drunk beyond his dreams. Strip club(s) is NOT the highlight of the night but rather the whole bunch being there together one last night. Maybe a couple of lap dances here and there but that's all. You should trust him. You said he is a faithful person.

Answer 17

If he truly doesn't regularly go to strip clubs and the like, then it's very possible that his friends that are throwing/attending the bachelor party want strippers and he doesn't want them to be disappointed.  Therefore, I'd recommend trying to investigate that angle with him.  If that's not the case, then my best advice, would be to talk to him as much as possible to at least reassure yourself that it's not a big deal.  Many guys get strippers for bachelor parties, so if you really do trust that he's not gonna cheat then, don't worry too much about it.

EDIT: Hammer: he wouldn't be the only guy without strippers at his bachelor party.  I have helped to throw 2 and attended 2 others, and only 1 had a stripper.  Not all guys want to pay to have some chicks get naked and turn them on, and then not have s*x.  Kind of a waste of money in my opinion.  Plus some guys would rather do somethnig more fun than sit around a hotel room/house and get drunk and watch strippers take their money.

Answer 18

Let me get this straight.  Your fiance is a shy, reserved, faithful, trustworthy policeman who never goes to strip clubs but wants strippers for his bachelor party.

Tell us, what color is the sky in your world?  

There are two possibilities.

1.  An alien being has taken possession of your fiance's body and mind.

2.  You don't know your fiance half as much as you think you do.

My money is on #2.

Answer 19

a batchelor party is just that, a batchelor party.

strippers are a boys thing and he has friends that want a party for the boys.

it's his final farewell to the single life.

he may enjoy it, he may not but the point is that he sees this as his last time.

also, please don't get hung up about strippers, they are just that, strippers, a bit of light entertainment. most men i know, don't get turned on by the strippers, they actually treat it as a laugh and giggle together like schoolboys

let him go hun, it's one night and you have him for the rest of his life.

Answer 20

men can be such pigs! just get some strippers for youchlorateet party or lie about getting some to even the score=p he probaley has some male ego around his buddys. i'm sure if he normally wouldn't act like that someone encouraged him.  

Answer 21

I had a problem with that too, but then I figured it is a "tradition" and I didn't want to look like a domineering fiance, so all I said was that they weren't allowed to touch him!  Then he came home and said that all they did to embarrass him ( he is shy too) was that the girls walked by and tousled his hair every once in awhile.  So just think about it and don't take it too seriously, it is only one night.  

Answer 22

Why are you concerned?  It'll be his last night out with the guys before he's married.  It's not like he's gonna f*ck them, its just for fun.  And why should he be the only guy on earth that didn't have a stripper at his bachelor party?  If you trust him enough to marry him, you should trust him enough to have a stupid stripper at his bachelor party...I mean really, I don't see the big deal here.

I read some other answers and have to say, Y/A! seems to be overrun by prudes.

Answer 23

You might not be able to convince. The only person whose actions you can control are your own.

So you need to think about this - are the strippers a deal-breaker, or will you eventually get over it?

Answer 24

You are going to have to face it that it will happen no matter what. I am sure if he is a trusting guy that there is nothing to worry about

Answer 25

hi im going through the same thing my fiance is not into all this either but his cousins,dad and mates are all trying to get a stripper but he just wants a quite stag night i.e play snooker and have a few drinks.

i dont want him to have a stripper.although he probably end up with it if everyone keeps saying.

well when i said to him we will all just get strippers on my hen night his exact words were "that will be right" so he cant go get a stripper and not expect me to do the same. none of us like the idea but i can assure you i will be getting a stripper if he does so he knows it works both ways.

but id rather not have any strippers i dont see the point and dont want any other girl near my man.