Back from Iraq need advice on how to help me sister? serious answer only?

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Back from Iraq how can I help my sister? serious answers only?

I just got home from being deployed i been spending time with my family. Here is what the problem is my sister her husband is in the AF he is active duty and with his rank he is pulling in a decent income. My sister is working herself to death she isn't getting much sleep. She works different shifts and takes care of their new baby. My sister broke down to me the other night and said she had to work the long hours she does. She has to pay for child care and the bills and buy everything for their baby.

I ask her where in this is your husband helping you? She told me his bills are a lot with his sports car and insurance and other bills he can't afford to give her and the baby any money. The only thing he pays for is rent and she has to pay out of pocket with that to makeup the difference.

Like any decent male would i told her he gets paid extra to pay the rent it's not coming out of his own paycheck. She said she knows I ask her has he given her a dime for her his wife and that baby they have she said no he started an allotment and then stopped it but the one for rent is still going through. She told me he bought the baby one thing before he left the states.

I was mad and I ask her if she talked to him over this she said yeah and he said he can't just stop paying his bills. When she has ask him when he is going to give her extra money he keeps telling her he will see whats left over after his bills are paid.

Me and my family are sitting her watching my sister spend a paycheck and a half on child care and everything she makes goes on the baby i know she is getting her cable turned off here soon. we tried to offer her money but she said she cant owe anybody when she can't pay what she has now. She had tried to get help wic and a few other things she got turned down between what her and her husband makes together. She can't go apply and not put her husband on there for a few more months then maybe she can get some help then.

What do you all make of all this? I need some insight on what to do here

Answer 1

Simple... Take it to his CO.  

Answer 2

I think you should call her husband and tell him to man up and put his family first. Then go from there.

Answer 3

I personally think she should probably leave him, but that's just my opinion.  Sounds like he's putting his fancy sports car in front of her and the baby.  Does he care how much she's working?  My husband was in the Navy and BAH covered enough (we still had to pay a little from his "pay check") that I was able to stay at home and we still had a lot of money left hour for "fun".  If she still feels like sticking with him, if she hasn't yet, she may want to see about daycare on base.  It may be cheaper, not sure though, on that.  You say she's spending a 1 1/2 paychecks for the baby, would it be cheaper for her to just stay at home?  Could she qualify for WIC then?  You have to think about all the added up expenses: gas and childcare can really add up fast.  She should also tell him that he needs to get rid of his sports car ( can their baby ride in it anyway?  and he's not driving it now...) because they probably wouldn't have so many financial problems without it.  

Answer 4

Okay, I am trying to not get upset myself with this situation (just cause I'm a woman and feel horrible for your sister)...anyways, first of all when you get married the bills become "our" bills, NOT his and hers...I'm not understanding why there isn't a portion of his check getting directly deposited into a "joint" account that she can use to pay the bills...It almost sounds like he (your brother in law) is leading two separate lives...has she requested to see a "average" check as well as PROOF of what bills he's paying...I admire her for sticking by him with all that he is doing right now, however, she's only hurting herself by not putting her foot down and saying "look this is your wife and your baby I can't do this all by myself and raise a healthy, happy child if I'm working 2 jobs and struggling"...he has to be made aware of the stress it puts on the child...children sense when mothers are upset and in turn it makes them feel insecure...I would do some searching on the internet as I am sure there are groups out there for wives of Military personal that can put her in touch with programs that can help her...I know the state agencies won't because as you stated together they make too much money, but the government has special programs designed to help Military families and she sure sounds like someone that would qualify for something through one of their programs...good luck

Answer 5

As I see it she has about two options....leave him and get child support through the military....or go to his CO.....he does not care about your sister or their child....so why would you care about "getting him in trouble"?  Really she needs to start thinking about her child...You might be the one to point these things out to her....Good luck

Answer 6

There is a huge difference between the Marine Corps and the Air Force, but I know that if a Marine were reported to his command for behaving in this manner they would step in.  A forced allotment would almost definitely be set up and he would have no choice in the matter.  The situation you describe is sickening and he sounds like scum.  Contact his CO, or write to Air Force headquarters and describe the situation.

Answer 7

well i thought if he was in the service she can talk to his CO about this.  isnt there  a moral code they have to follow if they are in the service.?????

Answer 8

Her husband is full of excuses!  Family should come first, before bills &sports cars!!!!  I can't believe he is paying for his sports car over his child...It seems like he might be spending money else where.  He needs to sell the car or give it back to the dealership.  His family is more important.  If he doesn't, She needs to file for a divorce.  She deserves better than that!!  She can then take him to court to get child support payments!

If he were my husband...I would not STAND for this kind of treatment! I would get a divorce!

Answer 9

You won't be causing him to get into trouble with his CO--he caused that himself being a jerk!  Sit down with your sister while she makes the call or go with her to the base and get in touch with the right person who can help.