Bad Bridesmaid dress.. what should I do?

Question

So I am going to be in a wedding party. I dress conservatively because I am religious, not terribly so I just don't wear tank tops or short skirts etc. I am not a big person, nor am I busty but I just don't wear revealing clothes.

The bride is aware of this, she called me up today and told me that she had picked out the dress and that I needed to get fitted. She didn't consult with me at all, I didn't even know what the dress looked like and she hadn't asked my opinion about what I wanted but I assumed that it would be something that I could wear.

Well the dress is strapless, knee length, and pink it also shows cleavage... I can handle the latter two but the first part isn't something I am comfortable with. I just don't know why she would pick a strapless dress when it's not something I'd wear.. ergh.

Should I:

a. Ask her if I can wear a wrap in a coordinating color that she approves of which I don't think she'll allow because she's a bit of a control freak.

b. flat out tell her that I am not okay with the style of the dress.

c. refuse to be in the wedding?

I really don't want to be a pain in the butt bridesmaid but I really don't want to wear that style of dress. I just wished she would have given me some kind of an option or at least asked my opinion... *sigh*

Answer 1

I used to be a mormon so I know all about modest dressing issues!

I think you should tell her you'd really prefer it if you could wear a wrap or shawl due to your religious beliefs. A good friend should be considerate of your feelings. You don't sound picky or unreasonable to want to be covered up.

If she says no to the wrap, don't pull out, just wear the dress for the ceremony and the photos, then wear a cardigan or wrap later on. It's unfortunate that your friend hasn't really been thoughtful of your feelings but unfortunately that's brides for ya!

I'm letting my bridesmaids pick a style they each like and having the same fabric. That way I get the colour I want and they get to feel comfortable in what they're wearing!

Answer 2

I don't think your request is unreasonable. Brides need to consider modesty and religious beliefs when choosing a dress. I like the idea of a shawl, I would have no trouble with one of my maids wearing that or ask that she has sleeves added.  

Answer 3

Thats the problem though, you are not the bride and it is the brides decision on the style of a dress. How about you tell her how you feel and suggest that all bridesmaids wear a shawl for the ceremony and photographs and then have the choice to take them off for the reception? Dont refuse to be in the wedding. If she says no, it is just one day. Not even the whole day!! She must be a close friend for you to have been chosen, and wedding planning is hard. Just go with it and get a friend/boyfriend to bring soemthing for you to cover up with later on if she says no to the shawl. Good luck!!

Answer 4

The Bride should have been nice enough to observe that you do not dress in such clothing. It is rude of her to ask you to be in the wedding and then pick out a dress she knows you will not wear.

I would just tell her that you think the dress is beautiful, but you really are not comfortable with how reveling it is.  Ask her, like you said, if you could possibly wear a wrap, or if maybe sleeves could be added to yours.

If she still says no, I would reconsider being in her wedding. A real friend wouldnt want you to be very uncomfortable for fashion sake.  

Answer 5

Good heavens, this Bridezilla thing is totally out of hand. A bride should not pick dresses that are uncomfortable to wear. She can make them just as ugly as she wants, but they should fit, they should be comfortable[how can you do your duties as a maid if the dress is falling off or you can't bend over]. And it should be in keeping with the maids religious beliefs.

Talk to the bride, see if a wrap would be ok, or if a seamstress could sew on some straps just for you.

If not, perhaps you should withdraw.