Bad Mother?

Question

My 13 year old daughter is very upset. I held her back one year because she was failing three different subjects and she never got over it. She is going into 7th grade and will be 14 in January. She acts like she hates me. I want to have a close relationship with her again but ever since I held her back in 6th grade she wont speak to me. Am I a bad mother for doing this to her?

Answer 1

no you were trying to give her the best and if she is mad at you for helping her out, then she needs to get over it.

Answer 2

jeez im 14 now and i would hate my mom for doing that.

i mean, her friends going into the next grade and shes not. she must feel embarassed.

Answer 3

Because she cant be with her friends! YOU have STOPPED her from SOCALIZING!

Answer 4

of course not, you did whats best.  in the future she'll thank you for it, at the moment she's upset for selfish reasons, just let it settle for a little while and if she doesnt get over it sit down and have a heart to heart talk about it and explain why you did it.

Answer 5

I would hate you for that too. well i would!!!!

Answer 6

No , you're definetly not a bad mother. She'll thank you 10 years from now. She will eventually get over it. In the meantime, she should make new friends and start over. Just keep showing her your love and be close to her as much as you can.. especially since she's almost in high school and that will be the hardest part of her life! Don't worry about it.

Answer 7

No,if she is so upset she should go through homeschooling for a year and do two years in one.You just did what you thought was right,which was being sure she wouldn't go into a grade she wasn't ready for.As for her "hating" you sadly most kids my age(13)(or till about 18)go through this phase where their parent's are almost equivalent to Satan,don't worry about it.

Answer 8

It wasn't the greatest choice. You should have considered summer school and at least talked to her about it before you came up with that decision. I mean considering that you've basically put her a year behind all of her friends and maybe she was having a difficult time with the subjects. You could have gotten her a tutor, an if it was throughout the year you could have gotten her help earlier. You're not a bad mother you just made a bad choice without looking at the big picture first. It's not just educational reasons, I mean you've held her a year back in her social life. That does causes problems. Look at it from her view, she's not a baby anymore she knows what's going on maybe not everything, but she does know. You did something with her life that she had no say in because you didn't talk to her about it. You left her out of that and that's her life you just decided something and she didn't have a chance to hold her ground. It's just you have to look at it through her perspective also.

Answer 9

My mom always says, if your teenager is mad at you, you're doing something right! It's good you held her back. She's a child, and doesn't always know what is best for her. She'll get over it. The time to be friends with your daughter doesn't come until she is an adult!

Answer 10

No. You're not a bad mother. You had all the right intentions. But I do think you made a mistake. As a teenager your whole life is about socializing. Your daughter was just begining to socialize when you pulled her away from all her friends. Yes, they are stilll in the same school together, but .. its just not the same. Now she is probably very embarassed. I feel bad for her.

Did you try getting a turtor first? Or having her take some weekend classes?

I would suggest changing schools. So she can have a new start.

Answer 11

As a parent, I agree with what you did. I would love to have been able to do that with my stepson when he was in 3rd grade. But, since he's not mine, legally, my husband had the last word.

Today my stepson is 14...cannot tell time on a clock with the 1-12 #'s and cannot multiply or divide...he's going into 9th grade come September. He failed his Spanish proficiency test in June, therefore come September, he has to take 8th grade Spanish AND 9th grade Spanish...2 separate classes, along with his regular 9th grade classes. He'll have NO study halls plus he has AIS Math. If my husband would have listened to me, his son would be graduating a year later but he wouldn't be in the turmoil he's in now.

You did a great job in holding her back. Her 7th grade year would have been horrible because she wouldn't have been able to keep up with her classmates on the learning end of the stick. And she wouldn't be able to take the 6th grade subjects and 7th grade subjects and keep up with all the work.

You did fine. She's mad and making you feel guilty. Would you rather have her angry at you for holding her back or would you want her to blame you for her inability to handle her 7th grade courses? Either way she's going to make it out to be your fault. It's not and do not feel guilty for looking out for your daughter and making sure she learns what is taught. Too many students just get pushed into the next grade, without them learning what they should have, and they struggle constantly.

Answer 12

She will eventually get over it. You had her best interest in mind when you did this. One day she will realize this. Don't worry you did the right thing. It would have made you look bad if you would have allowed her to continue on to the next grade with 3 failing subjects under her belt. It will be OK.

Answer 13

your not a 'bad mom' you would have to do alot worse for that title

saying that holding a child back at 6th grade wasnt the best decision for many reasons but its to late for that now , just tell her your sorry shes mad and ask her if you could please try to rebuild your relationship, she will get over it ... eventually.

Answer 14

She will be angry because it is embarrassing to be kept back a year, and upsetting to be seperated from close friends.

But you were doing what is better for her in the long run, and you can be almost certain she will do well this year.  Unfortunately teenage girls have a capability to be extremely sensitive, and with a great deal of attitude.  She may not be thanking you right now - but in years to come she probably will.

You are not a bad parent for this - you are doing your best in trying to help her.