Bad experience leaving baby...now what do I do?

Question

So Sunday, I dropped my 11 month old off in the childrens nursery at church. this was the first time I had ever left her...with anyone!!!! So I was really nervous but I dropped her off, and as she started playing, her daddy and I headed to the service. 15 min into service, they paged me on the pager they gave me. I went to see what was wrong and she was HYSTERICAL. They said they couldn't calm her down at all. SHe looked at me with a quivering lip and my heart broke! How am I supposed to ever leave her again knowing she took it so badly?

We want to go to church but how can I get her used to being in the daycare without me? plus, I am sooo nervous to leave her again. I feel like a horrible mom.

Answer 1

she will never learn to be without you if she doesn't learn now. Think of her first day of school if you don't break her of this habit soon.

Answer 2

Oh i understand the feeling you have. Poor Grace!

My advice is, for the next few weeks when you go to church, go to the day care with her.

Start by playing with her, get her used to the other kids,

then after a little while, you can just 'be there'

she will eventually get more confident, and feel as if she can trust the carers in the daycare.

It's also good for you as well to feel that comfort in yourself. You then will be able to get more out of the service as your mind won't be consistently on if Grace is ok.

Good luck

oh and you are not a horrible mum! all mummies feel this way when they leave their children!

Answer 3

Have her sit with you during the church service, don't put her in the daycare center.  

Answer 4

No you're not horrible. She just didn't know them people that were there and she didn't see you so I can imagine that'd be scary for an 11 mth old but I think that if you start entering her into social groups... next Sunday, ask to hang out in the nursery so your baby can get used to everyone. I think she'll be more comfortable if she gets to know the people and the room.

Answer 5

I'm sorry if this sounds....rude (?)

But I don't understand "the nursery"

Emma goes to church with us and sits with us as do all the babies

Who cares if a baby gets fussy during church...our preacher has always said if he cannot preach over a crying baby, he needs to sit down anyways

There are always several babies at our church at any given meeting and they are usually good....if one gets really out of sorts then the mother takes them outside or to the bathroom to calm down

SOOOO.....you don't have to take your baby to the nursery and I don't imagine your church is going to tell you to stay home if you won't let her go to the nursery (and if they do I suggest finding another church).

Answer 6

During the week, if you can, start leaving her for 15-20 minute intervals

with someone and then come back. Do this several times until she gets it that you do come back. then on Sunday, go to church a little early so you can take her up to the nursery and introduce her to the caregivers. It will take time but if you keep leaving her for short periods of time and she gets to know the people caring for her at church, she will be fine.

Answer 7

im not preaching, but maybe you should have left her with someone sooner. i have a much younger brother, and my parents never left him with anyone, and he is like this. hes 8 now. so when i had my son, i left him with grandparents for half an hour to get him used to it. now he is 5 months and he has no problem, which is great because im going to have to go back to work. (dont want to)

Answer 8

Although I have not had this experience, I have read several things about it. I recommend books by T. Berry Brazelton if you are interrested. The key is to get your child used to being seperated from you BEFORE you have to do the seperating. Explain to her you will be back and give her a time that she can related to. " I'll be back for nap time." Also be calm and don't show that leaving her is going to upset you. She will pick up on that.

Answer 9

First of all did you ask if this started the minute you left?  Did something happen to her?  If nothing happend I would say keep trying and she will get used to this.  It will not happen over a few times.  She needs to feel safe maybe bring a toy she likes or a blanket she likes to sooth her.I would start with dropping her off early so you can wean yourself out the door.  She will find other kids and want to play.  Moms need not worry it is OK for them to cry.  You are not a bad mom it happens to all of us and thousands more.  Be patient with her and she will sense that you are OK so she can be.  **** Luck

Answer 10

I had the same problem with my daughter, sometimes still do and she's 4.

The thing is, you are always with her, she never stays with anyone else.

(Grandparents don't count) Why don't you try finding a little play group for you and her to do together. That way she will be able to associate with other children and she'll still feel safe because you will be there.

That way when she starts pre school, she will enjoy the time she has with other kids. The separation anxiety isn't going to go away right away,

but it will as she gets older, but just keep reassuring her and telling her you will be back to pick her up. My daughter is a lot better now,

she starts pre school on the 9th and she is actually looking forward to going.

Good Luck Darlin'

Answer 11

Try try again. She has separation anxiety. The only way to get over it is to leave her. Maybe try short periods away and increase them until she feels better about it. She probably thought you weren't coming back. Don't feel bad. You didn't do anything wrong!