Bad influence on my three year old?

Question

I am a temporary caretaker for my grandmother who has dementia until september when she is moving in with other family but she is aggressive and she is influencing my 3 year old very negatively telling her to call her father and I by our first names telling her we don't love her and that she doesn't have to listen to us or anyone else this has been going on for 3 months and I can't do much until september because she has nowhere to go and she's not supposed to be by herself so I need advice very badly my formerly well behaved nice daughter is becoming a fixture in the naughty corner

Answer 1

sit her down and tell her you and her father love her very much and no matter what any one says you always will . and tell her your grandma if sick and doesnt know what  she is saying and tell her that it is disrespectful to call you two by your first names and that your her parents and that she has to obey what you two say if not she is going ton get in trouble.and try keeping her away from you grandma look around and see if theres any other place to go

Answer 2

Can you find a elder day care for your grandmother to go to for a few days per week?  That would take the pressure off of you and your daughter both, and you could then work on straightening out your daughter's misbehavior.

Frankly, it's not that your daughter is misbehaving because of what your grandmother is doing.  It's that she is used to having your attention on a regular basis, and now she's sharing it with your grandmother.  Even though it's temporary, she doesn't understand that, so she's acting out.

Once you do have some down time with just your daughter, you need to explain to her that "Great-grandma is sick and sometimes says stuff that isn't true.  We must be nice to her, but I'm still your mommy, I still love you, and I'm still the one who makes the rules of behavior."  Explain further that Great-Grandma's illness makes her say silly things and you can giggle about those silly things -- "isn't it silly that she says I don't love you when I cuddle and read to you, etc etc. etc."  In other words, defuse any potential power struggle with humor and love.  

Good luck.. and hang in there!

In response to your updated information:

I cannot believe that you can't find a facility that isn't experienced with dementia issues.  Elder care and dementia issues are becoming more and more common.  I notice that you said "respectable nursing homes."  I assume you meant to say "certified."  

The Alzheimer's Association of America has a free online listing of over 65,000 senior care facilities specializing in dementia issues.  Their link is attached.  

Good luck!

Answer 3

I know that you love your grandmother, but your primary obligation is to your child and not her. DO everything you can to get her on her way sooner and don't feel guilty about it. In the mean time I would try to limit their interaction and when they are in the same room together you have the right to tell her to stop. I know she has dementia and she won't remember for long but it will last long enough to explain to your child that great grandma is very sick and sometimes her illness makes her say thing that she doesn't mean and aren't true. Tell him/her that you love them very much no matter what she says. Also, I have seen adults with things like this do harm to children(they get confused and grow impatient) so be mindful of what's going on and don't let your child be left alone with ner

Answer 4

You said she's agressive. HOW is she agressive? That sounds dangerous. Dementia patients can be very unpredictable.

This is a negative situation for your family. I would call grandma's doctor and see if there is a solution with which he can assist.

In the meantime, since it is summer. I would find a summer program or send my daughter to daycare to limit her time with grandma.

Answer 5

Take your three year old away from her.

Answer 6

Wow.  I think the word here is nursing home for grandma.

A short nursing home stay would stimulate her and do more for her than you will ever know.

Its time for you to raise your own family.  Grandma has had her chance to raise hers and you need to stand up for yourself and your child and  send grandma to an extended living situation.  

Thats just ridiculous.