Be brutal. and critique my poem. tell me what you think?

Question

here it is.

i'm 15, so tell me if i'm below, or just right or above the writing for my age. in ur opinion.

here goes:

IT'S COMPLICATED

(that's the title)

there's no song for it.

nor is there a word.

it has not a single word,

but a dictionary all it's own.

shaky, hesitant, nervous?

all inhabitants of the book.

ah yes,

it's complicated.

so unique, mysterious, different,

so, itself, in a sense.

as strange as the single rose in a city of steel.

it sings, it writes, it plays its music.

ah yes;

it's complicated.

it's a guy.

or is it a girl?

or perhaps it's the two of them.

or maybe it is the situation.

but who's situation?

hers?

his?

who are "they"

we don't know.

but what we do know?

ah yes!

it's complicated.

the end.

okay. so if you thought the poem itself was complicated, that's kinda what i was going for, so it would tie in with the situation.

feedback please BE BRUTAL

Answer 1

Yes the poem is definately complicated! I actually quite LIKED the poem, though. :) Maybe it needs a little tweaking here and there, but i like how its free verse and doesnt really have a rhyme. I love the rythm too, and the repetition of "its complicated."

Answer 2

Verse 1, Line 4

Change "it's" to "its".

Verse 3, Line 5

Change "who's" to "whose".

Verse 3, Line 8

Add a question mark.

Also, to be brutally honest, it is just right for your age.

That's as brutal as I can get, sorry. Keep it up. :)

Answer 3

I wonder why you telling us you're 15 is going to make any difference as to what I think about your written work on this post! That like saying "I'm 15, can you believe I know how to use words in a sentence?" Yes, you have talent. A 10 year old I know can play classical music on the piano. Even HE acts like it's no big deal! But you are in the right place. This free verse is good except for the punctuation in a couple of places and I love the fact that nothing is capitalized. It shows that you give no single idea any more merit than the other. Excellent job! I hope to read something more from you soon...   Grade AA+

Answer 4

Poetry is the one thing that I think NOBODY can critique because it is naturally a weird art form and there are TONS of ways to get emotions and thoughts across.

That being said, I can tell you my REACTION, but not whether it was a good poem or bad poem - who am I to tell you? Robert Frost?

I liked it - you are right, it is complicated, but not so complicated that one can't understand it. It only changes my opinion of the poem in a good way, because the form matches the content (it's about complicated situations, so the poem itself is written to sound complicated).

Good job, honestly.

Answer 5

Life and poetry can be complicated at times.  I really enjoyed your poem because part of me still remembers being 15, and wondering these same things.  Please keep writing about everything!  That's the key, just keep writing.  

Answer 6

it seems more like word vomit than anything else... as if you didnt give it much thought.

Answer 7

The poem itself is not complicated, it's merely you citing three examples of complications in life.  Within those three examples you provide the merest hints of what makes complications within life.  I would've liked to have seen a bit more depth, or more length to the entire poem.  That is just a personal opinion though, as is everything I write in responses.  

The first stanza I believe is about emotions, how difficult it is to convert any feelings into words.

The second is about beauty.  The third about relationships.

Your meaning is not lost, the clues you give tie together nicely in a compact way.  Each stanza could become it's own stand alone verse.  Or, you could compact them a bit and add a few more stanzas without loosing the meaning of your poem and without fear of it becoming boring from a longer length.  You are not overly wordy either, which I am learning is a good thing.

I also like the way you end each stanza with  the words of the title,,, I have zero problems with that at all.

As to you stating your age of 15, I'm not sure what value that really has.  Is it meant to be a cloak to hide behind and hopefully soften the blows from the "brutal feedback" you requested ?  

I reserve "brutal" comments for those who are amazingly clueless after posting and receiving the same comments several times.  Brutal is also reserved for those slackers who pop on here wanting their homework done for them as the are too lazy to engage their brains.

Brutal is not necessary in this case, you have a talent with expression that is beginning to reveal itself in a positive, well understood and appreciated way, regardless of you age.  

Answer 8

Decide on the theme.  "It's Complicated" is a great title, but it is not the theme of the poem, which is filled with your examples.  Choose one and show its complications.  Don't tell me, show me -- that is the greatest single piece of advice you will ever get about writing -- I know because I got it from a great writer, editor, publisher.

You have too many samples.  Take just the rose -- I like that it is in a city of steel, but show me more about it.

T.