Be honest am i a good writer?

Question

The sun was perfectly set in the sky and it overlooked every house along my street and every valley behind it. I was standing in my drive way with my back pack slung on one shoulder and my cell phone was shining against the sun's fluorescent rays. Almost in unison i closed my phone and turned to walk towards my front door. Almost as if on cue he walked out of his house across the street and yelled my name. I turn to look and flash a smile. He gives me an innocent puppy dog look and begins to walk over. His smile seemed to match perfectly with his eyes which seemed to glow. His hair was parted to one side and with every elegant step he took my heart would skip another beat. I waited til he was half way up my drive way looking innocent and dangerous all at once. His black shirt and dark skinny jeans were a perfect touch on his radiant appearance. And he had a look in his eyes the seemed to be determination. He licked his lips and stared into my eyes for what seemed like an hour. Then with an easy hand gesture he asked so locked out of your house? I gave him a playful smile and asked with a playful tone what if i were to say yes. He looked at me with those breath taking brown eyes and said id hang out with you til you could get in of course and rapped his arms around me. He had a bittersweet cologne on and his muscular arms held me and whisked away my very last breath. I then reached into my pocket and dangled my key in front of his face and with a smiel said i'll remember to forget my key tomorrow and walked back up to my front door. As i turned to watch him walk away i saw him walk towards me. He's hand brushed back my hair and his eyes stared straight into mine and without any thought he kissed my lips passionately and my heart stopped beating. And when the kiss was over he turned and walked away. My heart began beating again and my breath came back. And with every step he took my hearts rhythym followed. And when he went inside his house i began to smile and walked into mine. Ran upstairs and plopped onto my bed and whispered to my Teddy Bear i'm in love with the boy next door.

Answer 1

yes. that was an awesome short story(?) that I've read today. yes, i could honestly say that you are a good write. :)

keep up the good work!

Answer 2

Your good for your age. I'd say if you like writing you must make it part of your life!

Answer 3

I'm not into reading books like that. I want to read books that get to the point and have a short amount of description (some, but not 5 sentences of description for everything). I read half of it and got bored, but it's not my style. I know your highschool or middle school teacher would probably love it, but a college professor would probably think it's really corny.

Answer 4

You're pretty good but you have a lot of room to improve on. I like your descriptions, they're really good.

But...

'He gives me an innocent puppy dog look and begins to walk over.' is in present tense. Since your paragraph is in past tense, I think you should change it to 'He began to walk towards me, giving me an innocent puppy dog look.' Or something like that.

Also, you forgot your speech marks.

'Then with an easy hand gesture he asked so locked out of your house? I gave him a playful smile and asked with a playful tone what if i were to say yes.'

IMHO it should be:

  "So, locked out of your house?" he asked with an easy hand gesture.

  "What if I were to say yes?" I gave him a playful smile. [No need to say with a playful tone since its kinda obvious that you're being playful].

And instead of:

He looked at me with those breath taking brown eyes and said id hang out with you til you could get in of course and rapped his arms around me.

You could write it as: "I'd hang out with you til you could get in of couse," he replied, wrapping his arms around me, his breathtaking brown eyes staring into mine.



You don't have to take my advice though. It's your story after all. ^_^ Hope I helped.  

Answer 5

If you spend time on your writing and practice editing and peer review, i'd say you're an awesome writer. Take your time and go back and read everything multiple times. I'd also suggest staying in one tense, in stead of saying gives and was, say gave and was or gives and is.

Answer 6

No. Not really. Maybe you should read more and familiarize yourself with grammar and spelling.

Answer 7

Are you a good writer?  No, not yet.  But you could be with a lot of practice and research.

IMHO, too many metaphors makes it hard to decipher what you're trying to say.  If you stripped away all your descriptive words, would you still have a story that is worth reading?

Paragraphs!  Each idea or thought must have a new paragraph.  Yours looks like one gigantic paragraph.  Look at any book that you like to read.  Does the author write his/her story in one long paragraph like that?

Punctuations need to be addressed as does spelling.

Keep writing, keep practicing.  You'll get there.