Been invited to a co-workers wedding and her bridal shower. Am I supposed to buy a gift for both?

Question

I've been invited to a co-workers wedding and her bridal shower.

Am I supposed to buy a gift for both? She has some items on a gift registry but are kind of expensive...and the cheeper stuff is bathroom stuff (shower curtain, Towels, ect, ect. They available for on-line purchase only and for an item only $9.99 the total cost after shipping and tax is 18.00!!

There are 2 other girls that were willing to "chip in" if we got all the items for the bathroom but that total is $218.00?!? That would be almsot $75 per person. The girls I work with are making me think I need to buy 2 gifts? That's a lot of $$ I don't have right now.

The other items are expensive too....Pots/Pan set 129.00 w/ Shipping, microwave 159.00. ect.........nothing inexpensive?

Ideas? Suggestions? And....do I need to buy 2 gifts?

Answer 1

Usually, if you get an invitation to both events, you buy two gifts.   However, do not be locked in to things on the registry.

Be very creative and wander a nice store with lots of homey things (even Target).  Think of what the couple likes to do.

Do they go to the beach or picnic?  A nice picnic basket with non-breakable plates is perfect.  Costs under $30.  Lovely picture frames are always welcome.  

Will they have a porch or patio?  A set of grilling tools for the bbq?  With long oven mitts.

Will they garden?   A reasonable collection of flowerpots in their colors for the patio?  Nice ones can be found at Wal-Mart.  Stick in a trowel and garden sheers and gloves.  

It is your thoughtful gift that will be remembered, not the cost.

Answer 2

traditionally there would be two gifts but hey, its 2008 and totally up to you.  you dont always have to get whats on their registry.  I never do hardly b/c it is either a large expensive item that I can't drop $200 on or dumb small things that are left over that no one got them yet, like a basting brush.  seriously.  my friend got me this time capsul thing for my wedding gift and I love it.  I've put everything for the wedding/honeymoon and first year of marriage in it like pics, souvineers, receipts from the honeymoon, plane ticket stubs, etc.  im not sure where you can get it, maybe just try time capsul .com...sorry I can't even spell capsul but they arent expensive and I think it would be a good shower gift.  its thoughtful...and the wedding just throw some cash in a card.  :)

Answer 3

Gifts are never required but yes....usually you buy a gift for both.

Go ahead and chip in with the co-workers for the wedding present since that is usually the biggest one.  Get her a gift card of your monies combined...not necessarily the actual gift.  Put it in a nice "congrats" card or just give cash.  It was pretty inconsiderate of her to only choose inexpensive items with such a large shipping cost attached.  With a gift card or cash the cost of shipping will be on her shoulders and as a recent bride I can tell you it's really nice to just get some straight money to fill in the holes....for instance you got 5 sets of sheets and no pillows.

For the shower just pick something inexpensive like utensils.  Whenever I'm broke and the bride only has high end items I always give a "date night" basket.  A collander or decent pot with pasta, sauce, some garlic powder and parsley.  A nice loaf of bread and a baked good with coffee for dessert.  Arrange them in the pot/collander so it looks pretty.   Include the pasta spoon too. And, if you want to go the extra mile perhaps a movie rental/tickets (or their fav. if you know it and they don't already own it) a couple glasses and a bottle of wine.  On the whole it usually runs me about $30.

If they have other intrests you can certainly play off those.  For instance an atheletic couple I gave a scavenger hunt on a local trail, sports drinks, trail mixes, and sunscreen.  At the end of the scavenger hunt we'd pitched in to get them a couples massage.

Answer 4

For my wedding, my shower guests brought a gift. Some of those guests also gave wedding gifts, but not all did. My co-workers pitched in on a giftcard together. I would suggest doing that! I think that a gift might be expected at the shower, but you are definatly not expected to give two!!

Answer 5

Gifts at a wedding are optional.

Gifts at a shower are expected, however attendance is optional.

Remember that the registry is not the only place you can get her from.

Answer 6

Just because someone is registered doesn't mean that you have to purchase only what is on her list.  It is only a suggestion and indication of her choices and tastes.

Perhaps a small frame, informal candlesticks, a restaurant gift certificate are all good examples of gifts that would be appropriate for a shower.  Also remember that if you don't attend the shower it is not necessary to purchase a gift.

It is, of course, a great idea to share the expense of a wedding gift with your co-workers.  But, you shouldn't buy something and expect everyone to give an equal amount to pay for it.  Collect the money first and buy a nice gift with the money that has been collected.  

Your coworker isn't trying to make this a financial hardship she just wants you to share in her happiness.

Answer 7

If you go to both the wedding and the shower you have to buy two gifts.  BUT, you don't have to get gifts off the registry for either and you shouldn't spend more than you can comfortably afford.  There are tons of great wedding gifts that don't cost a ton.  Dishtowels, placemats, candles, frames, photoalbums.  You and your girlfriends can go together to get something if you know her taste or get a gift card to a store.  And for the  shower there's always the lingerie option.

Answer 8

You are not obligated to bring a gift to both, but everyone else there will be bringing one, so you might feel weird. And you are never obligated to buy off the registry for a shower or a wedding. Nor should you spend more on gifts than you can comfortably afford.

You'll want to find out whether the shower is "personal" or "housewares" - call the hostess. A personal shower means gifts just for the bride are okay - lotions, a spa gift certificate, pretty stationary, whatever. A housewares shower means things for the home - kitchen stuff, scented candles, towels, whatever.

For the wedding, the gift should be something for the couples' home, or that they can use together.

Here are some ideas that would work for the shower OR the wedding:

- bottle of wine/wine glasses

- picnic basket

- interesting bakeware (heart-shaped cake pans?)

- couples cooking classes/couples yoga/whatever gift certificate

- nice picture frames

- holiday kitchen hand towels

Answer 9

You don't have to get whats on the regestry, this would work for both, try this, http://www.sextoysex.com/s*x/start/view....

Answer 10

If you attend you should buy 2 gifts.

Just buy a $10.00 gift card for the shower and put something nice in the box like a picture frame or something personal.

For the wedding buy a larger amount of a gift card or give cash.

Answer 11

shower-gift basket with bottle of wine, glasses, candles, and chocolates

wedding- gift card to the store they registered at

Answer 12

When invited to a shower, I buy a gift for a shower and a shower card.  I then buy only a card for the wedding. They already got the gift.

Answer 13

Gift ARE NOT expected for a wedding!

That's why it is such a faux paux to put your registry in with the invitation (why can't you people figure that out?)!

Gifts are expected for a shower, hence the word SHOWER (as in gifts).  

Buy 1 not two!

I would feel HORRIBLE if people thought I was hitting them up twice.

I just want people to come to my wedding and have the time of their life!

That's all anyone else should want too!

Answer 14

You don't need to buy any gifts, but anything you give would be a nice gesture. If it were me, for the shower gift I would go off registry and buy her a nice gift I think she could use for $15-30. Just remember to include the gift receipt. For the wedding you don't have to chip in with your co-workers, and you could always give a cash gift instead, $25 if you are going by yourself and $50 if you are going as a couple.

Answer 15

you are suppose to bring a gift to each, but you could go the gift card route for the shower and cash for the wedding. Then you can limit yourself.

Answer 16

Yes... if you attend the shower and the wedding, you are obligated for two gifts.

Shower gifts are not supposed to be the "big ticket" items. You can do something smaller - around $20-25. And it doesn't HAVE to be off the registry. You can buy something from a store where she is registered and if she wants to, she can return it later and put the value of the gift toward something expensive she wants. Or just buy something you think she'd like - perhaps a cool picture frame to use after the wedding with all those wedding photos she'll likely have!

When buying shower and/or wedding gifts, do not break your personal budget. Just because they've registered for expensive things does not mean that's what you have to give them. The choice of what to give is still up to you. Just give something you think they would like and something that won't break your budget.

Answer 17

I'd do a gift for the shower, then a card for the wedding. If you can't afford anything off of their registry (which from the sound of things I couldn't either!) then find something that would either go with the things they've selected or get them a gift card to one of the stores. Like it's been pointed out, you're a co-worker, not a close family so you're not required to spend as much, or anything for that matter. But I would definitely go with just one gift.

Answer 18

Yep.  Two gifts.  But,  they don't have to be off of the registry.  You can always find something in your price range that would accompany the things they've selected.  

Or just tell the co-workers who would chip in that x is the most you are willing to spend and see if they can only get some of the things listed.  

You're a co-worker not family.  Do not feel obligated to go into debt for this.  Just find something in your price range and that is fine.

Answer 19

Usually coworkers buy one present and a card for the shower and just a card for the wedding...  All the best :)