Beer shame! What to do?

Question

As a beer drinker I eschew the nasty gas-propelled keg beers favouring traditional ales drawn on the old hand pump. At home, proper bottle conditioned beers.

That said, I do buy the cheapest lager to use in the slug traps amongst the Runner Beans.

This morning a neighbour came in and spotted the cans (blasphemy!) of supermarket lager.

Am worried that folks will now think that I actually drink the stuff and my reputation will be for nought!

How can I preserve my standing in the local beer drinking community?

Answer 1

tell people you feel sorry for the slugs and you wanted to cheer them up a bit

Answer 2

stride confidently into your local hostelry, naked but for a bowler hat and hobnailed boots and cry lustily "a pint of your best bitter please land lord and don't wait for the cat", it worked for me  

Answer 3

But did you not protest your innocence?  Did you not demonstrate to your neighbours the way in which you set your slug traps?  It may be worth paying for a discreet advert in your local newspaper declaring your innocence. If you need a support group, I will have no hesitation in being the figurehead. Stand tall, stand proud  -  I believe what you say !

Answer 4

Quickly, very quickly strike up a conversation with the neighbors and ask how they deal with the slugs in their own garden. Mention that you're trying cheap rotgut in your own slug traps and it seems to be working well. Make sure to do this while holding a pint of your finest in hand and offer some to the neighbors.

Good luck. We all face unbearable shame at times and must do our best to continue to hold our heads high.

Answer 5

"Traditional ales" are an invention by beer snobs to disguise the fact that England has an absolutely execrable alcohol tradition.

The real beer tradition is in Germany, which has used the same brewing process since the nation was still Catholic.  Malted barley, hops, water, yeast, nothing else.  Even though the laws requiring it have been superceded, most of the German breweries continue to abide steadfastly by it.

If you really want to out-snob your friends, start drinking real mead and quoting Beowulf.    The culture of keeping bees and using their honey to make mead is absolutely ancient in Northern Europe, and may even predate the first beer brewery.

Answer 6

Get drunk and burn your neighbours house down to the ground and pray that he told no one about your cheap beer, the secret then dies with him.

Answer 7

Have a BBQ and share your love with the neighbours!

Answer 8

I would suggest you strip naked and run down the high street shouting "I don't actually drink this rubbish" whilst waving a can of the cheap stuff held aloft, and then bring that one down and raise the other - holding a bottle of the good stuff - and shout "But this I DO! ! !"

That's sure to get your point over.

Answer 9

Tell them the cheap stuff was for making beer can chicken. Which btw is very tasty and makes an excellent gravy.

Answer 10

I guess you have a reputation in town, but don't worry, the truth eventually comes to light. If you are seriously concerned about your reputation, you can talk to one of the neighbors, and then the word spreads, talk to another one, and now you got 2 agents working for you and your reputation. Shame on them for thinking evil thoughts about you, don't worry.

Answer 11

In the same way that gamekeepers hang out the bodies of foxes or whatever to show others of their ilk that they will get the same if they come within range - could you hang out the bodies of dead (and drunken) slugs on your garden wall or fence and accompany this with a sign explaining where the cheap and nasty lager has gone.

I'm sure any right-minded neighbour will understand.

Failing that you'll have to move I'm afraid. This could be a bonus though as you could take the opportunity to move nearer to a real ale pub?!?

Answer 12

Even though, without a doubt cask and bottle conditioned beers are great, there are some amazing brews that you CAN'T get that way.  I've had canned beer that some bottle conditioned beers couldn't hold a flame to.  Carbon dioxide produced by yeast in the bottle or cask is identical to the kind pumped into a keg.  Preserve standing? Sounds like you might not be drinking beer for the beer itself.

Nothing wrong with some el-cheapo beers from time to time.   I couldn't imagine something other than a decent pilsner after mowing my lawn.  Just don't try and rank it on the same scale you would for a Imperial Stout or IPA.

Answer 13

show them what you use it for!

As a fellow beer drinker of hand drawn ale from the pump, I know your pain!