Before I pass judgement!?

Question

Before I pass judgment on people, when I answer questions about parents should do about a baby that can not settle themselves, can someone example to me why I always get thumbs down?

I want to use this method for my little girl when she cries (in a nutshell)

Let her cry for 5 minutes-console her, cry for 10, console her-15 etc

Ive stated that you should be aware if they are hungry or their diaper needs to be change you shouldnt do this, and I also made aware that you cant do this all the time because babies do need love.

But people always think this is a bad thing and I dont understand why. I have to work 10 hour days, and I have to eat when I go home, along with doing chores around the house (washing her cloths, washing bottles so she can eat) and its very hard to do all of that with a crying baby, especially when that baby stops crying as soon as you pick them up.

I am not abusing my child, and I give her all the love and attention she needs, but when its 9 at night and I havent ate, I have to put her down.

Why is it wrong to train your child to entertain themselves every once in a while. can someone shed a light on this for me please!!

I even say that the DOCTOR suggests this and people still get upset, along with many books, including baby 411. So why!?

Thanks a bunch!

Answer 1

Maybe people just follow you around and give you thumbs down. I'd do this method. It's a good method to use, you can't teach a child that they get what they want by crying all the time.

Yes, I understand the whole check them, change them, feed them, burp them, but if they keep crying then let them cry, it wont kill them to cry for a few minutes while you eat your dinner.  

Answer 2

Because people don't have the guts to tell you that they disagree with you. I completely disagree with letting your child cry, even with the "method" you mention. I believe it's called controlled crying. I do however realize that once you have made up your mind, you're probably going to continue to let your child cry. My son is 7 months old. I have never let him cry, because I didn't feel like handling it.

Answer 3

i dont think its a bad thiing at all. babies will become spoiled and cry everytime they need to be picked up. now i know that you are not saying that parents should never pick up their babies but too much of it will make them think that they dont need to take a nap. or that they cant sit in their to get fed.  

Answer 4

ok i didnt read that whole question, and i doubt the whole thing was actually a question and not a rant, but as far as letting a baby cry for 10 or 15 minutes, that is too long. if you want to use the cry it out method, the general rule is to let them cry for 5, go in and console without picking them up, let them cry for 5 more, and keep repeating in 5 minute intervals. do not increase the crying time.

Answer 5

Instead of just letting them lay there and cry why don't you get a bouncer or swing those are great. Maybe she just want to see you there try getting her something to entertain herself. Put her in a play pen while you do chores around the house or one of those play gyms don't just stick her in the crib and cry let her be active.

Answer 6

Because everyone has their own opinions on how things should be done, some people think they're better than others, and their ways are better.  I don't care when i get a thumbs down, they aren't me. they aren't raising my son!! i don't know them they have no effect on my daily life so I just blow it off! I've recieved a lot of thumbs downs as well as rude comments from people (one case was because i was proud of having an un-medicated birth, and a bunch of women got their feelers hurt and decided to report me!) honestly, in my opinion people just want to stick their heads in the sand and believe what they want... I don't think you're doing anything wrong, if your baby is changed, fed, and just wants to be held (which is the case a lot of times) then there is no reason why you can let your child cry a little! I honestly thing it depends on the situation, and the age of the child! you do what you think is right by your child!! that's all that's important, since i was pregnant i have had people telling me i need to do this and i need to do that, and some of it i used some i didn't, not everyone is the same, and we all parent our children differently, we have different rules, different life styles, so idk why people are so rude either! they just basically don't like your opinion which in my case, doesn't really matter to me!! I say what i feel or think and if someone has a problem with that well bring on the thumbs down!!!

I'm sure you are doing just fine by your daughter, you are in no way "abusing her" or neglecting her, so don't listen to any of that ****!!  

Answer 7

Sounds to me like you don't even have time for a baby.

Maybe you are coming off as being to busy....ten hour days, eating, doing chores, then sleeping, where is the baby-time?

Try to make it alittle more plain that you aren't neglecting the baby. Because that's really what it sounds like.

Answer 8

Because a lot of people don't agree with this method of training and don't believe parenting comes from a book.

They believe that if a baby stops crying when you pick them up then the reason they baby was crying is because they wanted your attention. And they believe it's important to give them that attention as a part of the bonding process, so that their children will grow into well-adjusted, happy adults.

If it helps, I personally don't care how other people raise their children! You're just offering an opinion on what's worked for you.

Answer 9

Don't pay any attention to the thumbs down on here sometimes i think people just do it for the h**l of it.

All parents have different methods of settling their child mine had to be nursed to sleep till he was 1 yr old which is frowned upon as well BUT!! its what worked for us and felt right.

Your way of settling your child works for you and u feel its the right thing to do and that's all that matters what anyone says or believes is irrelevant xx

Answer 10

Well my pediatrician doesn't recommend any type of crying method until the baby is 9 months because when they are younger they have no way of communicated accept with crying. I know its hard to give your full attention to your baby, but I was able to and she is becoming the happiest child. She's already cooing, holds a conversation, recongnizing people, smiling and laughing. She's only 2 mo. I would seek other methods. If you are busy find a bouncer, swing or playpen that keeps them comforted. My baby lays on our bed and she loves it. She just lays there and talks. When she cries I give her a pacifier and that seems to comfort her.

Answer 11

I AGREE THAT YOU CAN'T SPOIL A NEWBORN, BUT ONCE THEY REACH A CERTAIN AGE,AND I'M NOT ONE TO MENTION THAT AGE BECAUSE EVERY CHILD IS DEVELOPEMENTALLY DIFFERENT, BUT CHILDREN ARE VERY SMART!! AND EVENTUALLY LEARN THAT CRYING GETS THEM WHAT THEY WANT..IF YOU HAVE MET ALL THE NEEDS OF THE CHILD THEN TO LET THEM CRY FOR A FEW MINUTES DOES NOT HURT, MY SON IS 6 MONTHS OLD AND I DO NOT LET HIM "CRY IT OUT" BUT I KNOW SOON THAT IS SOMETHING THAT WILL HAVE TO HAPPEN..I BELIEVE THAT IN THE END IT BUILDS STRONG CHARACTER..A BETTER BEHAVED CHILD, BECAUSE HE WILL KNOW THAT I DO NOT CAVE IN WHEN HE CRIES..I BELIVE IN WHATEVER WORKS FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.. I WILL PROBABLY GET TONS OF THUMBS DOWN BUT WHEN THOSE MOMS ARE DEALING WITH A 2 YEAR OLD THAT IS THROWING A TRANTRUM OVER NOTHING THEN MAYBE THEY WOULD OF RETHOUGHT HOW THEY DID IT..

Answer 12

Cry it out is one of those "hot topics" on this site.  Some would do it / have done it, and some just won't. That's okay, to each his own.

And I just happen to be with you.  It was the right thing for our daughter (we also did the "controlled" crying or Ferber method) and it worked like a charm.  It changed our lives in fact!  She was much happier because she was getting the sleep she needed and frankly so were we.  Nothing wrong with that.

But if people don't want to do it with their baby then that's fine too.

Don't worry about what other people say, just keep doing what's right for your baby!

OOOPS!!! I just reread your question.  I thought this was about crying and falling asleep.  Just saw this was about general crying during the day.  I can't say I let my baby cry during the day, I just pick her up.  For you I suggest trying a baby carrier.  The baby is close to you and you have your hands free.

Answer 13

Ive never given thumbs down. But my ten month old loves to be held. I feed her when we eat dinner. and I do all the chores around the house after I put her to bed. I never let her just sit there and cry. I put her on the floor with her toys and she is fine for a while but eventually wants me to spend some time with her.  

Answer 14

I had the same problem and felt so guilty.  I don't work 10 hour days but 8 hour days.  I as well am hungry when I get home, start to make dinner and my 7 month old would get a little frustrated at times when she was about 4 months.  When she would cry I would go make sure she was okay and then back to what I was doing.  It's not neglect, it's just taking care of business. Now she knows what needs to be done when we get home.  I put her in her play pen, sing or talk to her and it works out just fine.  You have to do what you have to do.  Your the mother and you know your baby...  don't listen to all the negativity.  

Answer 15

I don't like it when people suggest this method for young babies. I think it's OK for an older baby (8-9 months) who won't go to sleep any other way. I don't know if I could do it, though. We'll see..

Answer 16

I find the opposite to be true - that your baby needs to be able to entertain his or herself!  I guess that no matter what you do as a parent someone will criticize but you have to do what is best for your family and just not worry about some of the "yahoos" ;) on here - most are helpful and sweet moms just trying to do the best they can and share what works for them..  We all care a LOT about the welfare of children and sometimes it goes overboard.

Answer 17

It's fine to let your child entertain themeselves for a few minutes.  But you're not talking about the child entertaining herself, you're talking about leaving the baby to cry.

If the baby is happy and not upset laying in her crib or wherever you put her, then great.  But when a baby cries, it is for a reason.  Often, it's not a physical need that you can see (a dirty diaper or she's hurt), but an emotional need that a baby feels.  A baby needs comfort and love, and doesn't understand that it's "bedtime" or mom needs to cook dinner.  

They don't cry themselves to sleep and then think, "Wow, I can do this by myself, thanks mom for pointing that out!".  All they know is that if they are put in their crib or wherever and they need something, mom may not come.  That's not the lesson you are trying to teach, but it is the one that is taught when you let your child cry.

I'm sure you need comfort and love every now and again.  Say you asked your husband to cuddle with you at bedtime and he said, you know, I'm busy...you just cry in here until I'm not too busy or feel like it.  That wouldn't be acceptable, so why would it be acceptable to do that to a baby, who isn't even able to understand your reasons?

You say you are giving your child all the love and attention she needs.  Okay, but think about this logically.  If your child is crying but isn't hungry/hurt/needing a diaper change, they are still needing something, which would be love or attention.  If you let her just cry, then you are not giving her all the love and attention she needs.

Answer 18

The simple truth is...

Crying releases the stress hormone cortisol.  Too much cortisol can cause permanent damage to your baby's body and mind, and can forever alter the way she handles stress and other emotions.  It can make her more prone to anxiety and depression later in life.

If you got in a major car accident and you were trapped in bed and unable to communicate, how would you feel if your loved ones ignored your needs?  How would you feel if you were hungry, scared, tired, lonely, hot, cold, hurting... and you were trying to get their attention and asked for help... but you were ignored?

Helloooo... you work for 10 hours a day!  Of COURSE your baby cries and wants your attention!!!!!!  Can you really blame her?!  Being separated from her mother for so long goes against all her human instincts.  If you MUST spend so much time away from your own child, you're going to have to make it up to her.  She has an emotional deficit!  If you can't give her a normal quantity of time and attention, then she is going to need you to make up for it by giving her extra attention when you ARE around.

Answer 19

It's a hot topic here and when someone feels very passionate about an issue and everyone doesn't agree, there's going to controversy.    

People are going to voice their opinions.  As for mine, I don't agree w/ it so I don't do it but, hey, it's not my baby.  People should do what they feel is best for their baby.

Answer 20

Sometimes i just don't agree with the thumbs up thumbs down on here. I believe this is a place where you should be able to give advice on your experiences and that's just what you were doing. I don't believe that if you abused your little one you would even care to be on here. It may not be the best thing for every mother to do b/c we all know every baby is different and i can say for myself if i didn't let my high demanding little girl cry sometimes, i would be crazy! So never mind the thumbs down, some ppl really do appreciate your advice!

Answer 21

Anyone can write a book and every doctor has their own opinion. That doesn't mean they are 100% right in all cases.

If you work 10 hours a day you would think your main priority when you get home is parenting your child. Spend time with them before they go to bed. If you are hungry when you get home, why not pack dinner, bring it with you to work, and on the way to daycare to pick up your child, eat! Seems simple enough.

Young babies can't entertain themselves. They need love and attention. They aren't crying to upset you, or because they want to stop you from eating. They are crying because they need something. That something may very well be "I need to be held". Plain and simple.

If you don't have time for your child you might want to rethink your priorities.

Answer 22

Every parent has his or her own way of doing things and some people forget that. You need to do what you think is best for your child. If you are comfortable with CIO and well educated with the technicalities of the procedure (and you sound like you are) than I wish you the best of luck doing so.

Sometimes people come across sounding a little more harsh than they intend do. Parents are often very protective of their views of "good parenting." I truly believe that many of them sound snippy without meaning to. You just have to take it with a grain of salt and realize that you're all doing the best you can as parents. Good luck!

Answer 23

my daughter cries almost every time I put her down...

(She might have a touch of colic ) I am a stay at home mom of a 6 wk old, whom breastfeeds....so she is attached to my side 24-7

She is awake all day...doesn't nap unless held....sometimes I have

to put her down for a few minutes to grab lunch or wash dishes

(She is fed, clean diaper) and I will let her cry for a few minutes supervised of course

Qute trying to justify yourself hun! We all have different parenting styles, as long as your child is taken care of and loved....sounds

like your doing just fine!

Answer 24

Im not sure, I am not one of those people who thumbs down you, I dont really thumbs down honestly...I thumbs uP though :)

But I agree, a baby should be able to entertain themselves, I know this baby who is 16 months and even if you walk away, or out of the room..she cries hysterically. Well if her caregiver ATM walks away..the person she is comfortable with. My son is 5 months and has been able to be alone since he was born. Not ALONE ALONE but he can play in his jumperoo or in his crib or on the floor, and be content. And I have never used CIO.

Answer 25

I actually just used this system on my son who is 7 months to get a routine started with his bed time and nap times . It just became too much walking, rocking and bouncing   . He was watched by My FL-and my mom who both did things different . So when I told them what I was doing They kinda of hesitated but went along with it and now . My son takes naps at the same time everyday with no rocking, walking etc.. and bedtimes are just as easy .

I do make sure he is changed and feed.

I don't see anything wrong with this .

I also would leave my son in his swing or exersaucer while I would go change the landry around, start dinner etc.. If he would cry I would check on him if he was fine I went back to what I was doing .

Answer 26

Crying it out should only be used on babies 6 months or older, and even then only if the parent is comfortable with it.  Maybe you were answering about younger babies?  In any case, you can't take thumbs downs so seriously.

Answer 27

i dont' pass judgment, everyone raises their child differently. i don't hold mine excessivly, cuz i don't want him to be one of those that you can't put down. he needs his independance as well as me. and i believe, if the baby is fed and clean, they can cry a lil while you shower or eat or whatnot. try changin inviroments with the child, i don't know how old, but put them ina clothes basket for a few mins with some toys, hehe i found it to entertain mine while i ran to the potty:)