Behavior at School- won't do the work or can't do the work?

Question

We have a little boy who is in the third grade. He is really smart, he can read really well, but when it comes to writing assignments at school he simply won't do them. He seems to look at a lengthy assignment at school, or one that he will have to copy a sentence he won't do it, and he acts out instead of doing it. His acting out is pretty severe, mocking the teachers, disrupting the class.. he would rather accept a punishment for not doing the work.

I had thought that he might be dyslexic, but I don't think so anymore.

Are there any learning disabilities that are easy to overlook, or that are uncommon? If so, can you tell me what?

If not, and you think he is just being lazy or stubborn, how do you think the best way to deal with this is? We take away privileges but he just adjusts to not having them.

We ground him, he improves for a day or so and it starts over again.

We are doing all we can to help him. Is there something we might be missing??

Answer 1

I think it's may just be lazyness because I often did this at school yet i was quite bright.

my uncle was told that he was going to fail in life by his science teacher and now he has a PhD in micro biology!

don't worry just because he doesn't work much doesn't mean he will fail in life!

Answer 2

I am a public school teacher.  The first thing I would do is insist on testing for special education.  If they do not find any problems then this is what I would do.  You have all of the power, you own everything that your son values.  His favorite food, activities, games, toys , and clothes.  If he does not have a problem, take everything away.  Sit him down an explain that he can earn one thing at a time back if he gets good reports daily from his teacher.  Since he is in the third grade I would do this on a daily basis.  Each day he gets a good report he earns something back and each day he gets a bad report he loses something.  As I tell my parents, the word parent is both a noun and a verb.  Good Luck.

Answer 3

My 2nd grade son is not a fan of group writing assignments, copying sentences or timed/speed tests.  He just likes for his work to be meaningful (doesn't understand at all why he should copy a sentence from one place to another, especially if it's not to practice handwriting) & he likes to work independently.

Sure, he should work on *learning* to work as part of a team and *learning* to do things he thinks are pointless, just because someone in charge told him to do it.  Those are both skills that he's going to need in the working world, when he's grown.   And, over time, we'll keep on trying to teach him how to buckle down & do this kind of thing.  But, that's what childhood (and life, really) are for - learning.  If he doesn't get it now, then us adults have to figure out ways to help him learn it all.  

But, as long as he's being polite & learning what he's supposed to be learning, we're leaning more towards letting him learn & work in the way that he's most comfortable learning & working.  And, it looks like the teachers are starting to realize that, too (now that the school year is 2/3 over).  

For your son, I would concentrate more at home on giving him consequences for his impolite, disrespectful & distracting behavior.  As best as possible, try to make the consequence be a direct result of the bad choice.  Have him write apology letters to people he has mocked.  Have him help the teacher to present a lesson, since he's wasted her class time with his distractions.  Have him do at home the work that he doesn't complete at school, before he is allowed to do anything fun.  

Have you met with his teachers, yet, to see what types of things they've been doing, to try to get to know how he learns & accommodate that in the classroom?  

That was my mistake, with my son's teachers - not asking the teachers, first, what they were doing to deal with my son's slow working habits.  

Has the school tested him to see if he's just ahead of the rest of the class?  Or, to see if he doesn't understand the lessons presented and, therefore, acts out to cover up his embarrassment about not understanding what everyone else seems to get?  Can they give him personal one-on-one time during the day?  After they give the instructions to the class as a whole, can they take 30 seconds to get close to him & make sure he understands what's expected of him?  Can they write the instructions down for him, so that he can refer back to them during the working time?  

I found some great ideas for classroom interventions for this type of problem here: http://www.jimwrightonline.com/php/inter...  Maybe you can ask his teachers to try a few of these with him.

Answer 4

AUTISM THAT'S WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE TO ME MY FRIEND SAID SHE WAS ENTIRELY TO SMART ALL THROUGH SCHOOL SHE KNEW SHE WAS DIFFERENT DIDN'T AND COULDN'T NOT WONT BE WITH OTHER KIDS SHE HAS SENSORY ISSUES SHE WAS ABOVE OTHERS IN EVERY CONVERSATION SHE HAS VERY FEW FRIENDS SHE ALSO HAS A TIME WITH TRUSTING

Answer 5

He sounds like a normal third grader testing his boundaries within the classroom.  You'll probably find that by him acting out in class he gets a rise out of the other students too.  Basically he gets rewarded for bad behavior from those he charishes most, his peers.   My son was homeschooled for K and 1st grade, entered into public school for 2nd and we had the exact same problem with the work.  He didn't act out, other kids did, but he refused to do the work.  The problem was it was extremely easy for him and he hated to do it.  He was bored.  I had him tested and he tested far above 2nd grade and they placed the blame on me for having homeschooled him prior to public school.  So we pulled him back out and are homeschooling again.  He's 8 and is just starting 4th grade curriculum, half way through his second grade year (technically).  I don't want to push him too far ahead and end up bored or 14 and graduating high school.

Answer 6

It sounds as though he is putting too much effort into avoiding the writing piece of his schoolwork to be considered 'lazy or stubborn'!  He is not the first bright student who can read well, but has difficulty writing.  It seems as though punishment is less unpleasant or uncomfortable for him compared to having to write.  A 'learning disability' does not mean that a student is not bright, but rather that there is a significant discrepancy in their abilities in one particular area of learning vs another.  You may find some helpful information by discussing this with your pediatrician as there could be a number of reasons that he has difficulty writing:  -Does he have difficulty organizing his thoughts into a sentence?  -Are there some subtle motor problems that interfere, such as an inefficient pencil grasp, weakness, or compromised coordination?  -Does he have difficulty visually organizing  or tracking what he is looking at? (which would make it difficult for even copying work...)   Hopefully you have a pediatrician that can help you begin to sort it out.  You may benefit from either private neurological and motor assessment and/or from assessment by the special education team at school.

  A good place to start is to 'team up' with his teacher to try some modifications for his work at home and at school to see what helps or does not help:  -Try breaking assignments into smaller 'chunks' to decrease how much there is to look at, think about, or have to attend to at one time.  -Let him dictate his answers and ideas and write down key words for him to use, or even take turns writing a sentence so that it is less overwhelming.  Can he organize his thoughts verbally?  Can he produce a longer resonse when he types vs writes?

  I believe that he should still be held accountable for his behavior, no matter what the cause of it is so that he continues to develop a sense of what is 'right' or 'wrong',  but understanding what is behind it all will hopefully help everyone feel less frustrated.

Good luck!!

  -A mom and occupational therapist

Answer 7

My son is in 2nd and it sounds like you are describing him.  The first thing we did was everytime he got another bad report at school he lost another favorite thing from his room.  After about two weeks he had nothing in his room except the bed and clothes, after he lost everything we made him sit down at home and write the assignment not one time like he would have had to at school but 10 times, then the next time he acted out and refused to do it the teacher called me and I went to the school and sat beside him in class and made him do it.  Nothing more embarrassing than having mommy hold your hand in front of all your friends.  Within a month he was starting to line out and then the teacher could observe him better and see what the deal was.  He is ADHD and we knew that but this was more than that.  As it turned out he was just bored with the work as it was to easy for him.  Once the teacher figured it out she knew what to give him to keep his attention and so far it is working and he has slowly started getting his belongings back.

Answer 8

It may be he just sees them as pointless - my son told me that he hated writing stories at school, because they were never as good as the ones in the books and they were always about topics he wasn't interested in!

Will he write at home? Would he write about, for instance, something that he enjoyed reading? My son will happily write quite long and complex stories about Bionicle characters at home.

Or is it something to do with the mechanics of writing? See if he'll write something on the computer instead of by hand. If it is, it can be a vicious circle - he finds writing hard work, so he doesn't do it, so he never gets better at it. At that point you have to be very encouraging while at the same time making sure that not doing it is not an option.

Answer 9

I had a similar problem with my nephew. His problem was that the work was boring for him, (it may be to simple for him). But what we had to do was try and make it fun for him. But he was still punished for acting out. So there was positive actions when he did the work and punishment when he acted out in class or didn't do his work. We had weekly evaluations from the teacher and if he had a really good week then we would have a surprise for him. If not then he would get nothing. Try doing the work with him, this way you can see if it is a learning problem. If it is not, focus on the positive and not the negative. Get a jar and allow him to fill it with cotton balls. For every day that he does good in school he can put more cotton balls in. When it is full if he is good then he can do something he really enjoys like chuckie cheese or something. When he is bad he takes away from his cotton balls.

Also try Help me be good books by Joy Berry if he likes to read.

Good luck and remember to be patient.

Answer 10

I was the EXACT same way, I was tested for ADD by the school psyche. My parents put my on Ritalin which caused permanent heart damage. Then in 6th grade i had a teach suggest i be tested for gifted program (which is the exact same test they use to determine if a child is ADHD, ironic huh). Turned out I have a very high IQ I was bored and was not receiving enough stimulus and challenge and I needed a way to let my creativity out. So my mom got me fairly advanced books to read, and found extracurriculars that allowed me to release energy (mostly sports) and gave me activities that challenged my mind, she also advocated for me at the school to be given more challenging working all the way until I could not figure it out anymore. (6th grade doing high school chemistry projects). she also characterized the new work as me being smart and it being a privilege not a punishment or extra work. I ended up going to undergrad and graduate school on full academic scholarships.

Answer 11

that fits my daughter to a tee! i have a 8 year old daughter that is the same EXACT way! but we found out that she not only suffers from dyslexia, but dysgraphia as well. that was a new one for me ive never heard of it before until one day about a month ago. i saw a boy on the news that was suffering with the same problems that our children are. anyway go to webmd.com and read about it, you might be suprised! also my daughter has adhd and could not be handled in public school, so we had to pull her out and home school. it is very hard to watch our children go through these things, but please look into the info i gave you and talk to a doctor before decideing that it is just laziness, or stubborness. good luck! i know all to well where your comming from.

Answer 12

He might be so much farther along than his classmates that he is bored with the work.  My brother did the same thing at school.   He goofed off all the time and never did his work because he was bored with it.  If I were you I would figure out a way to test him to see if this is the case.  If he is able to read well then he is not dyslexic.  Not being able to read well is the first sign of that.