Behavior at preschool?

Question

My daughter loves to carry around small toys with her at preschool. I think it's comforting to her. Her teacher says that it's not good for her becuase she needs 2 hands for the activities they do. (Parents stay at this preschool so I'm there with her.) I try to take the toy away from her and have her go look at something else, but she throws a fit and it takes her a long time to get over it. Should I just let her keep throwing fits? The teacher seems to busy to help me out with this so I thought I'd throw this out there to any parents or teachers who might help. Thanks :)

Answer 1

Don't let it turn into a power struggle with your little one. Pick you battles. If someone can get her interested in other things, she will eventually put it down to focus on that. Give her time. A child's self-confidence is a delicate thing and not to be bullied. Let her come around in her own time with your GENTLE help and encouragement.

Answer 2

I know it's hard, but you should try to break her of needing the toy, when she gets into Kindergarden, 1st grade, teachers will take these toys away.  Kids aren't allowed to bring toys to school.  Just stay consistent with it and she'll probably get over it in a few days.

Answer 3

This is the teacher's issue.  At home, that is another issue.  She is going to throw a fit because YOU are there.  You need to leave and let the teacher handle the situation.  Don't send her to school with the toys, tell her that they need to stay in the car, "because they need to go to the hair dressers and get a hair cut."  Anything to keep them in the car.  She might have a fit, but as soon as you leave, she will come around for class or grab another toy.  Don't coddle her too much.

Answer 4

It is actually a disruption because if she has a toy then all of the kids want a toy. She needs to realize that she cannot get everything that she wants, and because her teacher is trying to help her learn she needs to respect what the teacher says. Tell her that there is a difference between "play time" and "learning time". This isn't uncommon, but you cannot give in to her. Let her throw a fit, but keep reminding her that she can play with the toy at a later time.

Answer 5

That is a tough situation.I have a 3 yr old who brings a "blankie" with him everywhere.I wouldn't recommend taking them away from her because it's a security for her.She will eventually get away from it,but it will take time.She is too young to understand why she can't have them.

One idea is to have her chose one small toy from a group of small ones to take with her.This way she gets a choice and doesn't feel that it's being forced on her.When she gets more comfortable,she WILL let go of the toy to use both hands in preschool.Eventually when she realizes that the toy won't disappear when she lets go of it she will feel more comfortable.(When my son started preschool I cut his blankie into 4 pieces so it wasn't in the way.When he got used to preschool he started leaving it in his cubby because he was so busy and he knew that it would be there at the end of the day and now only uses when he gets upset).

Trust me she will grow out of it,she is still almost a baby,let her have her security.It's not hurting her development,and it doesn't affect anyone's life.Good luck!

Answer 6

My little boy had a teddy when he was in pre-school, i believe it was a comfort to him. I never took it away from him and would certainly not encourage you to, when my little boy became more confident in his surroundings and began to wonder what else there was to play with he soon put down his teddy and became more and more interested in other toys in the classroom. he took his teddy every day but in time he gave it to me when he got in the classroom. I was like you to begin with as the teachers were to busy so I decided he would hand over the teddy in time and he did. your daughter will do activities when she is ready, the more you upset her trying to take her toys away the longer it will take for her to get used to the pre school as she will be unhappy and not want to be there.

Answer 7

Dad, don't worry about your daughter and her toys, she'll let go of them when she's good and ready.  Don't traumatize your child by taking away the toys. especially if you see them as comfort toys.  The time for letting go of her childhood comforts  will happen soon enough.  Let her be little for as long as it takes.  Because,when she start school, she'll be in it for the next twelve or more years.  

     Perhaps, you may want to buy her one of those little kid sized fannie packs so, that she can keep as many of her toys as she can carry.  When the time comes she will have a place to pack the little toys away in order to free her hands; but only when she is good and ready.   Don't let anyone bully you into making your child perform bigger kid's tasks before her time. The purpose of preschool is to get ready for school type behaviors.  If the teacher thinks she should be demonstrating 5-6 year old behavior right now, then you need to stay close to your child and keep a jaundice eye on the teacher.  Let you little girl be a little girl for as long as it takes.

Answer 8

just let her throw the fit. before you know it she will forget about it. i know letting  your child cry is hard but it is what is best for her. she can't carry around a toy all day with her. it will cause little arguments between her and other children, it might get broken , or lost and she really should learn how to adapt with out it. i used to be a pre school teacher and i am a mother. so the i have def. delt with this situation many times before. just last week i took the passy away from my son for good. he threw a temper tantrum for an hour and had a diffuclt time for a couple of days. but its been a week and half now and he has completley forgotten about it. she'll forget about it in a couple of hours when she is having fun with every thing else.

Answer 9

I think you can guide your child to put the toy away herself, explaining that when it's time to work, whether in school or home, she cannot have toys in her hands.  You can even show her how "hard" it is to color or play with playdough with only one hand.  I am convinced that children understand more than we give them credit for.   Very important, watch the tone of your voice -don't be apologetic; also, show very little or no anxiety.  Be caring but sure of what you're saying.  Kids pick on this and it pretty much determines if you will be successful in your "requests" or not.  

Throwing a fit is definitely a power struggle; don't give in.  The fact that it's a young child should not be a factor in your parental decisions, present and future.  However, you need to help her leave these "baby" behaviors just as you helped her progress from drinking bottle to sippy cup to regular cup, or from diaper to training diapers to fully potty-trained.  As someone else mentioned already, each year she will be expected to not be carrying toys around (whether brought from home or found in school), so, why would you delay the learning?

Answer 10

If she wants to do an activity badly enough, she will put the toy down.  This may actually be a sensory need for her. Is it the same toy over and over again or the same type of toy? Are the toys she likes hard or does she like the soft ones?

You can get a small hard or soft toy and fasten it to a long ribbon (though not too long) then fasten the ribbon to the front of her shirt. You might need to get a little creative in how the toy and the ribbon fasten togather but I'm sure you can think of something. Then let her take that to school with her as a comfy.  It stays with her all the time and she shold be told that she may NOT carry around the school's toys.

Eventually, when she feels secure enough, she'll stop needing it.  Meanwhile the teacher should just ignore her holding the toy and concentrate on finding activities that require two hands to do but are very interesting to your daughter.

Answer 11

Tell her she may keep the toy, and place it in front of her/next to her to do the activities.  

or Perhaps she could have a purse she could carry it in.  My daughter carries all kinds of things in a purse.

If the teacher has a different rule she wants to enforce, then she needs to work with your daughter on the issue herself.    She is the teacher!  She needs to step up.

I have found that my child complies much better with someone who is not me, when I am not around.  Since you have to be there, make it work for you, but I would recommend a different style preschool for the future.  

But if you take it away from her, you have to keep it away.  You can not ever "lose" a fight, or she will think all she has to do is temper and she'll get what she wants.  If she starts a fit do not give her the toy, distract her or let her have the fit, but DO NOT let her "win" (Trust me I have been there!!!!)

But FYI: The fits aren't so much about the object, but about control.  

good luck

Answer 12

You should talk to the teacher tell her its comforting to her. Dont take the toys away from her she is probaly scared of pre school or it makes her nervous and if you take the toy away from her then you are just making it harder for the kid. Tell the teacher that he/she should have a talk to the child or if the child does not want to do the avtivity he/she does not have to.

Answer 13

Obviously your daughter is comforted by her toy.  I'd allow her to keep the toy and offer to hold it for her while she participates in her activities.  Or assure her the toy will be close by where she can see it while she works on her activities.  Be consistent and eventually she will forget about her toys as she begins to participate and fully engage in her preschool activities.  This may take some time,but, it will happen.  Patience is the key for you, your daughter and her teacher.  Good luck!

Answer 14

I can see both sides of this...

I always ask the children to put their toys away before joining circle, going to lunch/snack, doing art, going outside, or taking nap. Toys can be a distraction to other children even if they aren't a distraction to your own child. So I agree with the arguments that say she needs to put the toy away.

However, I do understand those that are saying it's ok to let her keep it. It may indeed be a sensory object that's fulfilling a need and therefore putting her at ease. But at the same time, it's not good to become attached to that sensory need.

As far as the tantrums... talk to the teacher and work something out for her to help you handle them. Your daughter needs to understand that it's not ok to throw a fit when she doesn't get what she wants. If the teacher seems as though she's too busy, talk to her before or after school about it and figure out a signal to show you need help when it comes time. Tantrums can be avoided too... let her keep the toy with her while the activity is being explained, and even while others are taking their turns. When it comes time for her turn ask to hold the toy while she does the activity and that you'll give it back when she's done. And do just that - hold the toy, don't put it away, and give it back to her when she completes the task. It will help her develop a sense that the toy will be there when she wants it, but is out of the way when she's busy.

Answer 15

What's wrong with this stupid teacher?

I am about to start student teaching this fall to be a pre-K teacher.  I would never interfere with a child's desire to hold a toy.  The child will figure out what to do when confronted with a situation where she wants to hold something with 2 hands.  

I gotta wonder about the bossy people who go into teaching. where does this woman get off with her nonsense? Just leave the child alone to carry whatever she wants.  I don't sweat the small stuff.  I want my pre-K students to learn stuff that will help them in Kindergarten--like reading (done in a fun way)   Carrying around a toy for a while is that child's business. Oh, and if it gets lost, well, sorry.  That may actually be the realj reason for that silly teacher's remark.

Answer 16

Let her carry it around - it's preschool not precollege!  If that is a form of comfort to her then don't take that away.  If she does need to have her hands free, perhaps she could put the toy in her pocket for a moment, or it could sit beside her while she works or someone could hold it for her.  Preschool is supposed to be a safe place where the child should feel free to express themselves in a safe and healthy manner - if it is being turned into a battle, then your money is being wasted.  Let her hold the toy!