Being Vegan in Someone Else's House or at a Formal Dinner??

Question

Whenever I go to someone else's house or to some kind of charity function where there's only one dish served - or even on airlines without veggie-friendly entrees... do you ever just eat whatever meat/nonvegan food you're served just so you won't look awkward??

Usually when I go over a friend's house, I just accept whatever they cook up. I'm sure people might be understanding if I told them ahead of time or brought my own dish... but that's just awkward. I just hate for my own dietary preferences to slow everyone down or cause a huge production.

Any other vegans do this - just become a carnivore for the evening? Do you think it's unethical?

Answer 1

Share the info ---I cook for alot of family functions and have no problem adding / changing items and prefer to know preferences. Usually its no big deal to prep a few extra veggies/ salad/ grains etc. Usually I have one no oil (NONE), one no tomato, one no meats, one only white meats (fish or chicken) - so if its a friends house - pass down the info.

Answer 2

It's really rare that this happens to me - there's always at least something, like pasta or baked potatoes or just corn and other veggies as a side, that I can eat. Unless it's all a one dish meal, in the middle of the table, with meat in it (like casserole night? *shrug*) I don't even see how it's possible.

Once in a very long while, I might inadvertently eat something with dairy in it, since unfortunately veggies are often doused in butter or there's cheese on appetizers. This is less than even once a year, and happened more often when I was in the Army and had to eat, period.

No matter what, when I'm out I avoid eggs and meat because I just can't do it, I have gone as far as to personally visit factory farms and am becoming increasingly active in animal rights and investigations since no matter how much you read and know about it, it becomes real when you see it and smell it and hear it yourself.

Most of my friends understand my dietary preference and most of them don't just eat straight out meat, there's always some tossed greens, some potatoes, some veggies, fruits, fresh cooked pasta, white rice - I mean, who just has meat with nothing at all? I'd sooner eat the garnish on the plate than the steak, even if that's all there was on the table.

I guess it depends what your motives are. I myself am so much opposed, ethically and otherwise, to eating meat that I just can't do it for any old reason. Unless I had to, to survive, or was literally forced to under serious threat to me or my family (unlikely, in any circumstance), I can't even imagine a situation when I can get over how gross and unconsciable it feels to do it. It's like how I'm morally opposed to theft - if I'm out with kleptomaniacs, for sake of arguement, I'm not going to join them just because everyone else is doing it and I don't want to be left out. If you have a moral stance on something, you should stick with it. It's kind of like being a certain religion - you can't just stop being a practicing Christian, let's say, and then renounce Christ a few times a year around non-Christian friends.

Morals are yours alone, even if your friends don't share yours, they should respect them. Be mutually respective and just ask them to set some potatoes or pasta aside before they stir the animal flesh in?

Answer 3

Don't apologize!  For dinner at someone's home, if it's a situation where the people don't know you're vegan or you don't want to hurt their feelings, don't make a big deal about having to bring your own food.  Just show up with your yummiest casserole and present it as a host(ess) gift.  When they ask what it is, just say, "When anyone is nice enough to invite me to their home, I always like to do something nice in return."  Also, if there's anything of theirs on the table that you can eat (rolls, salad, fruit, etc.), have some, so they don't think you're "too good" for their food.  If someone (crassly) points out that you "haven't touched the roast", you could just say that you avoid meat for health reasons, and most people won't question you further.  You don't have to tell them it's for the health of the animal...

I'm not a vegetarian but when I'm going to be away from a good food source for more than a few hours I usually travel with some kind of snack.  That way, if you find yourself on a plane, etc., you can eat your jam sandwich (or whatever) and won't have to miss a meal.  You won't be the one who brought your own food; many people have a very low opinion of airline chow.

For charity functions, if you know the host(ess), casually ask what the menu will be.  If nothing sounds suitable, you could say something like, "I don't want to make a big deal about this, but I don't eat meat or dairy and was wondering if  there would be anything else available, without the chef having to go to too much trouble."  If the host gets offended, even though you've asked so nicely, you might not want to attend his/her function.

If it's a catered event in a restaurant, most places have fresh produce in the fridge and can throw together a salad for you, especially if you phone in advance.  

As far as ethics go, "to thine own self be true".  Your decision is an admirable one and there's nothing wrong with you following your convictions, especially since you are obviously so considerate of others.

Answer 4

This used to be a problem for me, but now I ask the host if I can bring a dish for dinner or maybe even dessert - fresh berries in a beautiful bowl makes a healthy, beautiful addition. I usually emphasize that I make an awesome salad, and most times they don't resist.

When it comes to a formal, I almost always eat before hand. I have experience that there is almost nothing I'd eat. Even the salad many times has cheese. I simply have the courses served before me, offer my seat mates what they consider yummy and indulge in conversation rather than food. Afterwards, I leave feeling good that I kept to my healthy way.

Answer 5

That's odd. People who are really vegan are vegan in their lifestyle, and don't eat animal products regardless of where they are. On an airline, there's no issue because you could pack your own lunch or snack, and put it in a small cooler if need be. If your friends are truly "friends", don't they know you're vegan? If they invite you, they should accommodate your life choice. It's not a production at all to make vegan food - I do it and I'm not even vegan. Sometimes I just feel the need to not eat meat or dairy.

I think you're making a bigger deal than what it really is - just ask for what you want. Keep in mind that at charity functions, or other catered dinners, all you have to do is call the person listed as a contact for the event and request a vegan meal. Simple. If there are just going to be hors d'oeuvres, there will typically be a vegetarian choice at least, which is better, even if not completely vegan, but to restaurants, sometimes they are one in the same - they will not use animal products in a "vegetarian" dish at all. If not, there are always veggie trays (crudite'). Or, maybe you just can't resist the chicken?!

Answer 6

I never eat anything non-vegan. In all honesty, I'd rather die than do that. Pretty much all of my friends know that I'm a vegan and they usually try to accommodate me whenever they are picking restaurants to go to, or what to eat at home if I'm going to be there. My best friend does that for me all the time.

It's not that it's 'unethical,' but once you've decided to be something, I find it disappointing to go back on what you said you would be. No offense to you or anyone, but I'd rather stand up for my beliefs, even if it means having to walk to go buy a salad :p

I hate causing a huge problem, too, but it;s just the way I choose to live the rest of my life - being vegan - and people can't change me. So they'll have to find some way to work with me.

Answer 7

I let people know about my veganism prior to the meal and give them ample notice as to what I don't eat. I also offer to bring a dish that I can to share- this is always an attractive offer! Worst comes to worst, you'll be eating your own dish. As long as people have adequate knowledge, they are pretty accommodating =) Or, offer to have friends over and cook them a veggie meal!

In high school, I went to proms and scholarship dinners. On my RSVP's, I would make a note that I am a vegan- and should the caterers have any questions, a number they could reach me at. With weddings, generally friends and family know of my dietary habits. I do offer to bring my own food to those events, but tend to be accommodated. You'd be surprised what places can come up with, sometimes my friends would be jealous of the dishes I got. Just remind your server when you get there.

Answer 8

I think you shouldn't do  what you don't believe in but personally I am not a vegetarian.

Answer 9

I think from a vegan standpoint that you can't call yourself a vegan if you ever eat meat, dairy, or eggs (that's kinda the only rule) and I do find it unethical, when in a situation like that, if there's a side dish, I eat a side dish or I just don't eat, if you aren't comfortable with bringing your own food, then, that's what I'd do.  

Answer 10

I'm a meat eater.but if you a true Vegan you need to let your friends know that your a vegan and if you just meat just for one evening then your not a true vegan  

Answer 11

I always just bring my own food to people's houses. That way I don't have to eat something that I have a moral problem with, and people don't have to do any extra work for me

Answer 12

I usually tell people that I'm vegan before I go to their house for dinner.

Except when its a sudden random dinner, that you weren't expecting to have to go it. Then I usually just chew on a bread roll and give my bowl/plate to someone else who eats meat (and knows that I'm vegan).

Most people didn't notice that I didn't eat anything besides a bread roll. But I get a lot of questions at weddings because people start to notice when you don't eat all 3 or 4 meals that come infront of you, and then cringe when you see the lamb ribs or steak. I'm so glad that the next wedding I'm going to actually had a 'dietary requirements' part on the inviation.

I do always offer to bring my own food to lunches and dinners at friends houses though. I don't want to be an annoyance

Answer 13

It is not unethical.  It is just being courteous.

Answer 14

Well, I just make it plain and known that I don't eat animal products.  I'd never eat animal products just to appease someone or out of obligated manners etc..

It's really easy to make a meal without animal products.  I have indeed, many a time, very nicely been served a vegan dinner at people's homes and it was not good (tasty), but I ate it and enjoyed it.  Hey, I'm male, and I think most males are hardwired to pretty much eat just about anything, so no problem.

If someone says, "Hey, you're invited but there won't be any vegan stuff there."  then you know what, I don't go.  If they mention that I can bring along some vegan dish(es) to eat, sure, okay, I can do that.  You know, it's not just non-vegan stuff that I don't eat.  I don't eat anything that I think is really un-healthy.  So, all that junk food, alcoholic etc. -- so if people are just going to have a BBQ and get drunk and have some terrible conversations... I've done that and it's no fun, so I just don't go.

See, my friends will make a vegan meal or dish or two if they know I'm coming.  Just as I know some of my friends for example cannot stand garlic, or onion, or mushrooms, so when they come over to my place for dinner, I do not include these in the meal.  Very simple.

I have had some people tell me that they just cannot eat a meal without meat, because they don't feel like they've eaten a meal if there is no meat in it.  Of course they don't know what they are talking about because I've usually seen them eat a couple peanut butter sandwiches for for a meal and a cup to coffee = no meat, so... whatever.

Okay, so you show up, you are ready to eat, and oh oh... they didn't know you were vegan.  I just say, 'Hey, no worries' and that's it.  I don't eat.  No problem for me to skip a meal.  But usually there's always something to eat.

If I'm heading over to someone's place and I'm not sure what to expect because I don't know them... I eat before I go. I can eat A LOT of food, so if it turns out to be good, they'd never notice that I'm only eating a snack compared to my normal amount.

So, yeah, many times I've taken along my own dish, and more often than not nobody even tastes it, so I eat it all myself.  Whatever, their loss because I'm a really good cook.  It's just food and hopefully your evening will include much more than food.