Being a godparent to the child of an irresponsible sister-in-law?

Question

My sister-in-law is a 19 year old college freshman and has just become pregnant from a one-night stand. This girl is outrageously irresponsible, reckless, and out of control. She's admitted to using Exstacy, oxycontin, and already has a criminal conviction for driving under the influence of marijuana. She also drinks and parties frequently. Basically, she has no maturity and personal responsibility whatsoever. My wife told me that she [her sister] wants us to be the godparents for the child if something ever happens to her. Additionally, my wife has said how she would love to have her sister live with us so she'll have a place to go and so we can help her take care of the baby. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind helping out my sister-in-law in her hour of need, but I'm definitely not ready to take on the responsibility of being a full time parent! Nor do I want to be an enabler by operating a boarding house for an immature brat who is a drug addict, and who doesn't want to get her act together. How do I tell my wife that I am completely opposed to being the godparent and allowing her sister to move in, without driving a major permanent wedge between me and my in-laws?

Answer 1

you are right.  Makein the situation easy for her is just going to make it easy for her to continue living an reckless, irreasponsible life.  My parents did everything for my sister when she got pregnant (7 years ago)  and now my sister is a severe drug addict, who is STILL living in my parents house, while my mom and dad take care of my newphew.  I would suggest letting your wife know what you are concerend about.  Its ok to help out every once in a while by babysitting and things like that, but you cant let it go to far.  so tell your wife that you dont mind helping, but your not comfortable having her sister live under your roof.  she'll just have to get over it.

Answer 2

Well my husband's incredibly irresponsible 19 year old half-sister was living with us already when she got pregnant.  So I know where you are coming from.  The difference is that my sister-in-law has no parents (1 is dead and the other is in jail).  I don't see how your in-laws could be angry with you, if they don't want to take her in, then they can't expect you to do it.  I would explain to your wife that you see great potential for chaos in your lives if her sister moves in and you think that the problems would result in a permanent wedge between your wife and her sister.  

Answer 3

Tell her you don't wanna take care of two kids. No that's horrible...be honest and strait forward. Don't hold back but don't be rude or insulting.

Answer 4

Well its your house to.  You should both agree on this.  I'm a 43 years old, married with kids.  I wouldn't want to do this at all.  Its a hard situation because you care for you wife and you know its her sister.  If you let her move in I can tell you whats going to happen.  She will start using you both as her baby sitter while she goes out and parties.  Trust me, it will happen.  This girl shouldn't even have this baby in her possession.  What do you think about adopting the baby?  Is that an option?  Just think that if this girl is doing drugs and has this baby with her, you never know what could happen.  What I would do is report her to the authorities without anyone knowing.  Type them a letter if you have to and send it off.  If she is doing drugs right now, that is called child abuse.  It is illegal.  You wife needs to understand where your coming from.  Ask her how she would feel if you wanted your brother or sister moving in with yous.  See what she says.  None of the in-laws could have a problem with you because they didn't take her in either.

Good Luck

Answer 5

Godparents have nothing to do with custody.  If something were to happen to the 19 year old..her parents would most likely get guardianship of their grandchild.

Answer 6

sneaky way: tell her you want to try having your own child and she'll become consumed by that and forget sis living there

Answer 7

Stand up for yourself -  if you don't you will be miserable  - Its your wifes choice her sister or you. Does your wife even respect you?