Being a teen mom is wonderful, not a ruined life?

Question

I'm 13 and I have 4-month-old twin daughters (Alexis and Juliana). Last school year I was homeschooling and this year I'm homeschooling again, so the girls could grow up a little before I leave them for half a day with somebody else. My mother lost custody (it's a long story) and I live with my 2 best friends - 23yo Becky and 28yo Jake (and Jake's 19-month-old daughter Gabby). Jake and Becky work all day and I'm with the 3 kids all day. During day, besides the food and the potty (I put the twins on the potty as often as they have to go and Gaby goes to her potty when she needs), we play a lot with the girls, especially with Gabby who is old enough to play more than the twins. We go out, I take the twins in the baby carriage and hold Gabby's hand (she usually walks beside me). Sometimes my boyfriend comes with me, takes his almost 5yo brother and we go to the park. My boyfriend and I have all the time in the world while, of course, we keep an eye on the kids and play with them if they are bored playing together (it's rare, they have fun together, my bf's brother likes to take Gabby and go to different places and she follows him). In the evening (at 18:00) Jake and Becky come home (they work together) and both of them or one of them takes care of the kids and make me go and have fun with friends. I go out and return in 3 hours, usually at 9pm (I'm still breastfeeding in the evening) - just on time to breastfeed the twins and put the to sleep. While going out, I have fun and my friends and I do so many tings. I don't find being a teenager as only boys, the mall and stupid conversations about nothing worth. That's probably why all my friends are older but I don't mind. I haven't been robber of any childhood or teen years or anything. Being a teen mom doesn't ruin my life or something like that. My life changed but didn't ruin - it became even better and worth. Now I don't remember my life without the twins and I think this life I have now is way better than the one I had before. That's my question - why do you people think that being a parent in your teen years ALWAYS ruins your life? It's like saying that having a boy ruins your life and only having a girl is the way it has to be. But having a boy makes your life different, not ruined or something. That's why my life is not ruined - just changed and I like this change. It's wonderful! Many parents don't realize how lucky they are to have their kids and I realize that. Why having a baby in your teen years has to ruin your life? Why do you think it's like that with all girls? Maybe a baby would ruin many girls' lives but a baby would also make wonderful many girls' lives. That's my question - why do you stereotype?

Answer 1

I'm not stereotyping. Good that you are postive to that stuff.

But if not the friends, where would you be now?

Besides, not trying to make you feel guilty, but what are you doing for them? Gabby and Jake?

Also, I never said it ALWAYS ruins your life. But do you know how many teens die in labour? Lots. because they are undeveloped and their body can't stand it.

We stereotype because of the truth- if the prego teens didn't have support from the parents and friends, they would probably commit a suicide.

Lol, you are very lucky that you don't live in Poland. A fourteen years old girl got pregnant and she was in newspapers, because the nurses in the hospital were religious (in Poland many people are) and didn't want to give her an abortion- she wanted it because she was getting beaten up and bullied at schools, teachers treated her badly and stuff, besides she was smart and knew she's not ready for the baby. The nurses called the local church and then all the religious grannies, nuns and few other Catholic authorities came to 'pray and get the devil out of her (they though she's possesed). So she run away, and went to Germany where the grannies followed her. However she managed to get an abortion in final. She accused the boy of a rape, which as everyone knows wasn't. all of her friends and the diary says clearly she wanted one.

So yeah, just be d**n happy you are there, not there.

Answer 2

Why don't you get education and a job before you think about reproducing?  Or was the animal instinct and baby bonus too much of a lure for you?

Answer 3

You are BREAKING THE LAW! Being left alone in a house all day on your own, you are still a baby yourself and it's illegal for any adult to leave a child unsupervised. Yes, you have your own kids, but you legally can't be in the house alone with them all day. Not so grown up now, are you? It's good you're happy though. Just be careful, because you might be taken into care if you continue to be unsupervised, and those adults you live with may get a jail sentence for leaving you. That would s***w up little Gabby too. In my opinion, you are not ready for a child until you can legally vote and are financially stable.  

Answer 4

I think you have a fantastic attitude to being a teen mum, and you sound like you are doing really well in a difficult situation (re support from your own Mum), and with having twins as well!

I think a lot of the stereotyping comes from those that are older (like me in my early 30's) knowing how much life changes anyway in those early years, and how much of an impact your late teens/early 20's can have on what you end up doing with your life.  Not all teen parents have an attitude like yours - a lot of them struggle to get through, and later struggle to do something for themselves career-wise, and be able to be self sufficient without having to rely on others.

So I think a lot of people's attitudes to teen Mums comes from concerns about opportunities lost in terms of your OWN development.

Undoubtedly, there are ways that you will develop that your peers who don't have kids won't.  But they have a lot of advantages over you as well, by not having to be responsible for the life of others.

Carry on with your great attitude - there is no way I could have coped being a teen mum - let alone being as young as you are, and with twins too!

Answer 5

Some people can cope, and some people can't. You are lucky in the fact that you are alright with the change, others aren't.

Answer 6

I think it's great how you feel, and while I don't agree with having children so young I think you're very brave. But you're still a baby yourself, and it's actually against the law to leave someone your age alone in a house all day, let alone to look after more babies. You need to get a babysitter or a trusted adult to look after you, too. And make sure you give your kids some form of s*x ed.

Answer 7

that is good that you made the best out of it. Most people find it very difficult and near impossible to juggle school and babies, especially when they are so young. If it is just 3 teenagers in a house raising twins, how do you homeschool yourself? And how do you buy food? And how do you get to the doctor or emergency room when you twins have a fever? I just can't see that situation working out long term. Also I can't see your boyfried at 13 actually being your 'one and only'. Maybe I am stereotyping. I suppose I am. I just can't picture being 13 and raising a baby without family and adults. But it is good that you have a good attitude and that you make the best of it. I just can't wrap my mind around twins being raised in a house of teenagers, with a 13 year old mother.

Answer 8

I am happy to know that i am not the only teen mom(im a teen mom to be) that thinks being a teen mom will be amazing!!!! I hate it when people stereotype. I think having a baby won't ruin your life unless you want it to.

16 and 20 weeks 3 days pregnant with twins!! =D

Good luck with the twins!! =)

Answer 9

That is a young age to have a worn snapper .

Answer 10

I don't think it ruins lives but it is up to the girl on how she is going to handle it. Some girls run and get an abortion which in my opinion is a cop out. If you are going to have s*x you need to be up for the responsibilities. I think you are doing a great job for you age. It looks like you are mature enough to handle the tough situation and are doing well. I applaude you because there aren't many young girls like you. Congratulations on your twins. I can't wait for my baby to come.

Answer 11

It is great that you have a good outlook on your situation. I think a lot of people look at it as ruining your life because it does take away from your childhood on top of your body is not ready to have a baby at so young and could of done unseen damage to your body. I was thinking about riding my bike and coming home to watch my favorite TV program at 13. I just had a baby and i am 22, i still feel that i am too young as i would of liked to had more money and been out of college. My sister had a baby at 16 and i think she didn't think it ruined her life until she became an adult and realized that she was never as "grown" as she thought she was. Now she is trying to get back those "lost years" at 28 and her daughter has to pay for that. I think part of the reason why you think it is ok is because this is all you know right now. When you become and adult you might just change your outlook on what you think it has done to your life. My sister did get a college degree and never did home school but it was still rough.

Answer 12

yea its not shocking that a 13 year old is pregnant to me anymore.

its so sad now these days. at your age you should still be watching spongebob and all that. but life happens. I dont think youre going to have a bad life. You just had to grow up fast. But you will never had a teenage life. you will never know whats its like to be 13-21. just think, you wont get that excitement of your sweet 16, when you turn 18, when you turn 21 you cant go out and party because you have 2 children, and maybe even that other guys kid. but life happens when you make it that way. it can also make your life wonderful too, just depends. good luck :]

Answer 13

During day, besides the food and the potty (I put the twins on the potty as often as they have to go and Gaby goes to her potty when she needs),

why are you putting 4 month olds on the potty VERY UNSAFE!?...you sound like you have a great life and all but maybe you need to take a parenting class or 3. You don't see it now but when your 20 or 25 you will realize. How much you missed out on. I'm glad you still have time for your friends and go out. But That won't last forever. Once you hit about 16 I'm sure your friends (Jake and Becky)  won't be so willing to pay for everything for you and your 2 kids. I can tell you are still young and immature besides having 2 kids. I give you all the blessing in the world for keeping your babies at your age, I couldn't have done it but at the same time I waited to have s*x.  I agree about the tax payers end its people like you why people like me work 2 jobs, go to school. And still can't afford the ring wedding/ and some day kids, they want.

Answer 14

It doesnt ruin it makes it harder..And who wants a baby at that age? and this topic is boring and somethin i really dont care about so im gone.....................and u still a kid urself  

Answer 15

I never thought it ruins the parent's life, it makes their lives harder, it does at any age. In all teen pregnancy situations I am more concerned about the children being born into it. I don't see how a young teenager is equipped (financially / maturity / relationship / drivers license!) to be a parent. Not evey teenager is the same, but in most situations a baby is better off being born to someone older

Answer 16

if you didnt have support then you be up sh it creek without a paddle.  

Answer 17

glad its you and not me

Answer 18

It isn't a stereotype.

It is the truth.  It is just fact.

1 out of 10,000 have a good life.  

That isn't good enough.

You are just a child yourself.  You don't understand.

Answer 19

good on you  hun its great you are enjoying it all..i agree...i  am 22 and have a 3 month old boy...i had him when i was 21 my hubby is also the same age; we have a mortgage and have been married over a year now and we love it as well... i think people "judge" because they cannot imagine what they would do in the same situation... and everybody thinks that what they are doing is the "right" way to do things. and there is no right or wrong way of doing things in life; that being said i dont know what i was doing at 13...but i know i could never have coped with it all like it sounds like you are...especially twins...something like this changs your life forever its amazin..we love our lil boy so much so well done from me and my hubby!!

Answer 20

ok i may not have been as young as you when i got pregnant but i was 17 and i love being a mother and agree completely with you. and i cant believe how some people are being so stupid about this. i mean what the heck are you talkin about it is illegal to leave a 13 y/o home alone. sorry but i was left at that age. and most everyone i know was too. i highly doubt anyone will ever get into trouble for leaving a 13 y/o alone stop being so negative. but honey forget about them im proud of you. at least you owned up to your responsibilities when even a lot of adults dont know how to do that. good for you! show the world thats its possible to do great things even with children at a young age. and i guess people have never heard of taxis or public transportation to get around because i mean goodness doesnt seem to be a way to get those children to the doctor. uh yea ok. like i said be yourself do good and raise those kids!