Belligerent and out of control 11 yr old.?

Question

He is aggressive, threatens to kill his parents, is abusive, curses a lot. he is out of control.

What are my options as a father.

Answer 1

Psychological evaluation and FAST.

Have you ever disciplined him?  Is this new behavoir?

Answer 2

Take control. Discipline. Don't let him do anything "fun" without your permission. Make him do chores. If he doesn't do what he is told...again, discipline. And when I discipline I mean it. Make him stay home, take all "fun" stuff away. Explain that he needs to get his act together. Don't buy him anything until he shapes up, unless his clothes or shoes are worn out or he needs food.

Don't let him walk all over you. You obviously let the kid walk all over you or you wouldn't be in this situation. Take the control back.

Answer 3

He is demanding your attention.  He's acting out for a strong male role model.  First, show him that you are in control.  Do NOT tolerate any inappropriate behavior. Identify where he learned the abusive behavior and remove that influence from his life.



Spend some time together doing something fun (for him).

Make sure he has a safe physical outlet for his energy.

Teach him to dig a ditch, stack and re-stack wood, move mounds of dirt & mulch around, etc.

Have him run 2 miles a day.  Or bike 5-6 miles.

Enroll him in a martial arts class where he will be taught respect and discipline in addition to physical techniques.

Do NOT tolerate disrespectful behavior.  Remove everything except a mattress from his room, and when he behaves inappropriately he is sent to his room.  If he causes damage to walls or furniture, make him repair it himself.

Answer 4

Have him evaluated by a child psychiatrist. Now is the time to change his behavior. Tough love is one answer.

Answer 5

If this is a sudden change, there may be a medical problem as its cause. Have there been any recent changes in his home situation?

Otherwise, it sounds like time for tough love and counseling. You and all other adults in his life need to be consistent, agree on your approach, and follow through. He is begging for limits, as lack of rules make him feel unloved.

Choose a time when you are both calm and sit down with him and tell him you love him and really want to help him come to terms with his anger. Try to find out why he is so angry.

My parents adopted my brother when he was 12. A short time later, my mother had occasion to spank him. He still says that's the first time he felt loved. (He's now 80)

Answer 6

First, as his father, have a self-evaluation and try to figure out what you did wrong as a parent.

Secondly, I'd take him to a professional. This is not normal behavior for a child. Preteens are usually nasty, but not to the point of death threats.

Answer 7

Let him know how things are on the other side. Call the authorities.

Answer 8

Take some control. Whoop his ***, every time he steps out of line let him know who is boss. No t.v, no phone, no leaving the house, no fun period. Make him earn that stuff back slowly. If it is so bad you fear for your familys saftey around him then ship his selfish spoiled *** to boot camp.