Beneath the shy surface?

Question

You've known an incredibly shy & quiet young woman for 3 years, most of which she's just quietly kept to herself. She's JUST starting to open up to you. In the process, you've learned:

1.) She's been mistreated by a friend of hers for years

2.) She's had first-hand account of witnessing her friend's mentally ill mother

3.) She's trying to do right by the friendship b/c of #2

4.) She's been struggling with her own health (being severely asthmatic)

5.) She struggles with finding a boyfriend due to her shy nature

6.) She makes eye contact while listening to you, but has trouble when she's the one talking

She's still shy around you though. But you've seen a little of what's behind the shy surface. So what would you now start to think of her?

Answer 1

i would say that she has probably been rejected and hurt enough to know that you get hurt less when you talk less! (and reach out to people less). she is probably very honest and reliable but needs to earn your trust before she's willing to completely open up to you. make sure you let her know somehow that u accept her as she is.

Answer 2

I would think that she is a good person, but she is extremely insecure. Which means that she does not have confidence in herself, so she is afraid to speak because for some reason, she is afraid of being judged negatively by others, so she stays shy and quiet, for this is a sure way to stay out of the limelight, and avoid being looked at by others. What she must do now, is to become firm and confident in her own views, and not be afraid to express them. She may also not realize that some shy people, are often--very often in fact--considered by others as being haughty, rude, and stuck-up, which brings on even more judgment by others. When she learns how to believe in herself, others will believe in her also.When she gains confidence in herself, others will also. When she withdraws from others in shyness and estrangement, they withdraw from her in shyness and estrangement. She is almost at the finish line because she is a good and kind person, but she just doesn't yet know how to blow her own horn by letting others know her inner self. She must share what she is with others if they are to reach out to her. Her eye contact shows clearly that she has the ability to learn and adapt to these changes. She needs only to wake up one day, and firmly decide to do it. ...And a whole new wonderful world will open up for her from that moment on!

Answer 3

It sounds like your friend is trying to stop being shy, and is reaching out to you for support.  I think she just needs someone she trusts to talk to, and because of the abuse from her friend and everything that she's going through, it's hard for her.

I think you should support her by listening to her, and give her a person to trust and rely on, maybe she'll open up more.

Answer 4

I would not say that I'm shy, but I can be quiet around some people and I would hate for them to analyze me like that!

Answer 5

I'd be curious to ask her how she would talk with someone whi is just like her...  that sort of introspection might just prove fruitful for both you and her...

Answer 6

That she is just beginning to trust you...

Answer 7

I should know! I usually have #6 when talking. Shes had rough times but in the end she will probably be the best person you have ever met because of her shy nature she will be the best listener and because of her opening up she will never be afraid to talk to you or about her feelings and problems.