Best chuck norris jokes you've heard....?

Question

what are the funniest chuck norris jokes you've heard, doens't matter how dumb.. and if your feeling generous, i would really appreciate answers to my other question.. ANYTHING HELP!!!

http://au.answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AhVSRQetHa9OpI3QrD36qhHg5gt.;_ylv=3?qid=20080731045503AAz9ZwS

cheers guys.

Answer 1

Some of my favorites

Chuck Norris likes to Knit sweaters and by knit I mean kick and by sweaters I mean babies.

Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.



Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.

Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

Answer 2

Ohhhhhh that's not a fair question! There are soooo many great Chuck Norris lines!!!!! I'm going to apologise at the very outset, and just put more than one :P ohhh they're so good I just can't stop!

* They were going to release a Chuck Norris edition of Clue, but the answer always turns out to be "Chuck Norris. In The Library. With a Roundhouse Kick."

* Chuck Norris was once on Jeopardy. This show is notable in that it was the first occasion in Jeopardy history that Alex Trebek had appeared without a mustache. And a head.

* Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

* Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

* Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

* When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

* When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.

* Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)

* If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.

* Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.

* Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

* Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

* Chuck Norris is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly.

* It is scientifically impossible for Chuck Norris to have had a mortal father. The most popular theory is that he went back in time and fathered himself.

* Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum.

* According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.

* Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.

* Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris.

* Chuck Norris’ sperm is so badass, he had s*x with Nicole Kidman, and 7 months later she prematurely gave birth to a Ford Excursion.

* It is said that looking into Chuck Norris' eyes will reveal your future. Unfortunately, everybody's future is always the same: death by a roundhouse-kick to the face.

* Kenny G is allowed to live because Chuck Norris doesn't kill women.

* Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

* Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

* Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse-kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

* Chuck Norris is not only a noun, but a verb.

* Before sliced bread, people used to say "That’s the greatest thing since Chuck Norris". But Chuck Norris was displeased by this. So he roundhouse kicked a loaf of bread into slices.

*****OK FOUND SOMETHING ELSE FOR YOU TO TRY OUT!!!!!! GO TO GOOGLE AND TYPE IN "FIND CHUCK NORRIS", CLICK "i'M FEELING LUCKY" INSTEAD OF REGULAR SEARCH...AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS!!!!!*****

Answer 3

www.chucknorrisfacts.com is hilarous site devoted to Chuck Norris there's even Chuck's own ten favourites there...check it out!

Answer 4

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make him drink.

Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.  

Answer 5

Chuck Norris doesn't use a night light because he's afraid of the dark. Chuck Norris uses a night light because the dark is afraid of him :)

Answer 6

did u hear chuck norris has never had a heart attack!!!!!!

his heart is to afraid to attack him

Answer 7

chuck norris is god.... no joke i checked

Answer 8

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door lol

Answer 9

Chuck Norris doesn't sleep..

He waits.