Best way to deal with son moving in with his dad (long story, please read)

Question

Three days ago, my 14-year-old son decided he wanted to live with his father. My ex had been threatening for 5 years to take the kids, and kept telling both kids that the only reason I wanted them was for the child support (he is currently $11,000 behind in child support). He finally convinced our son to live with him.

In the past year or so, Cameron has given me nothing but attitude. Overall, he is a good kid, but is open to basically being "bought out." Example: once I asked, "theoretically if Daddy offered you a car if you would live with him, would you take him up on it?" (It happened once in our extended family). When Cameron asked, "Are we talking a new car or used?", it told me he could be bought.

Anyway, Cameron called to tell me he was going to stay with his dad and his girlfriend and their families permanently, including changing school districts. Part of me is devastated, but for some strange reason, part of me is relieved. I go from calm and efficient to "I want my son!" to unable to function. I can't think straight, and I can't keep track of what I am trying to say most of the time. (This post so far has taken almost 90 minutes to type).

With all that said, I need ideas on how to deal with all the emotions going through me. I spent most of Friday at work in a daze. I got very little done - my boss sits about 5 feet away. He is very understanding (and knows the whole story, including how my ex kidnapped the kids four years ago). But I don't know how much more patience my boss will have. I have no money for legal fees, but will be looking into that Monday *if* I can think clearly for long enough.

Any idea for handling the situation? I am mildly disabled - waiting for another total knee replacement, and can walk only small distances. I used to be able to walk for enjoyment *and* as a mood booster. I miss being able to do that. Thanks for listening.

Answer 1

You have to let the kid go.  Regardless if you want to blame the father for brain washing the child from going it was still his decsion.  At some point every child needs there father.

The man obviously cares might go about it wrong.  His brain probably does not have very rational thoughts but he wants his kids.  It is not only your joy to have.........

Let him go.  He might come back.  I left my moms at 14 also.....but I didn't come back and was much happier living with my dad.

Answer 2

Don't try to fight this. Let him go.

It may be that he really needs to be with his dad; or it may be that he'll realize it's a mistake.

You might take some time off from work, if you can't concentrate -- that would be better than your boss telling you his patience is running thin.

If you could go out of town for a bit with the other children -- maybe visit a relative, so you don't have to pay for a hotel room. Or take lots of little trips together during the day. basically, try to distract yourself, and get out, until you're more used to the idea of your son living with his father.

Answer 3

You are totally in touch with the situation, and your long range plans look wise.  But you need some help coping right now, and that means you need to talk about the situation with someone, such as a clergyman, professional counselor (some can be contacted free) or a caring family member or friend.  You are right not to fight the inevitable.  Trying to reason with a willful fourteen-year-old is like trying to swim up a waterfall, so don't waste your time.  He will, in fact, come to his senses when he realizes that any dad who would get $11,000 behind on child support isn't going to provide him with the luxurious existence he imagines.  In the meantime, you have an opportunity to get your own house in order.  Nobody can tell you not to be disappointed, upset, angry, and all the other emotions you are experiencing, because they are all justified.  But letting them out so that they don't consume you, followed by the advice of a lawyer (it's worth the money), should bring you out of the darkness.