Big problem, does he want to be there when our baby is born!?

Question

My "fiancee" is not really acting like I'm important anymore to him?! He let his phone get cut off and i'm almost due to give birth (Sept. 6) so I hope when its time i hope I can find him! He'll leave his house for long amounts of time and even though he doesnt have his cell phone anymore he could at least call me from a payphone or one of his friends phone. He doesn't really talk to me much, he uses the excuse he is tired from work, or he has things to do. We got in a argument, because one of my guy friends ( that I have not spoken to in so long) called my phone at 11 at night, me and my fiancee got into a big fight about it and he thinks I'm cheating on him and all of that, he even broke up with me over it but we are together anyways- so it was just a day thing, but what bothers me the most is he told me he doesn't wanna be in the hospital when the baby is born because he has doubts its his baby now! Now that we stopped talking about the whole cheating issue, he still has not said sorry for saying what he said, does he really mean he doens't wanna be there when OUR baby is born next week? I dont know how to bring it up to him if he means it or not, I want him to say hes sorry on his own for saying that because it hurts alot!???????

Answer 1

he is probably just scared about being a father for the 1st time. my boyfriend pulled the same sh*t.  

Answer 2

he is probably feeling really upset about the phone call. any guy would think something fishy is going on, even if it isnt. he is not wrong to have doubts because of this. let him know how you feel, and you are hurt that he does not believe you, and that if he wants, when the baby is born you can do a paternity test. tell him that it is really important that he is there for this with you, and to put his feelings aside for this wonderful baby that is about to come into this world. because whether you stay together or not, he needs to be a part of that babys life, including the birthing process!

Answer 3

Sounds like there are some trust issues here. You really need to bring  the subject up to  him being there at the baby's birth. Try just saying, I"'m scared and I need you there, you  are going to be there right?" He needs to be sensitive to your needs because you are bringing his child into the world. My first child's father did not show up and I have never forgiven him. He has since apologized years later but it still makes it hard to work with him. When you bring it up try not to make him feel like he's failing you. Try to get him to understand how important and special of a day it is with out the bad feelings being tossed back and forth. If he tells you he's not going to be there it may be a sign he's not ready to be a father. Unfortunately there is little you can do to change his actions. Just remember this is your baby as much as his. It will be a special day no matter what. You will always remember the first time you hold your baby. I do and her father was not there!

Answer 4

Your fiancee needs to be up to the responsibilities- just cause you are carryingt he b aby does nto mean he is not responsible for whats inside of you. You will need to do a plan of action for your day of delivery. Sit him down and utilize the word " we" when you address the issue. Say " we need to plan for the day" cause " we will need to do this and this..... etc... " and this is a plan to include phone numbers and contact information for him and his wherabouts...also, for your oqn safety- have an emergency number of a friend you trust and can help you get to the hospital JUST IN CASE.... As well, I understand that this is stressful for everyone and he might be scared of what is taking place. I am 35 weeks pregnant and my husband is much more of stressful wreck then i am...This worked for both of us and good luck to you and congrast!  

Answer 5

you need help lady, serious help.  Look to a family member or best friend.  If that's not possible find a local support group.  

Answer 6

break up with him!!

Answer 7

It sounds as if your "fiance" is not really ready to be a father.  He was more than willing to get you pregnant, but it sounds to me like he is not willing or ready to be a dad!!!!!!!!!

If he chooses not be be there for the birth of the baby that the two of you created, then it is a decision that he will have to live with.  At the same time, not all men want to see their wife/ or your your case their "fiance" go through the rigors of birth.  Do not sweat it, and I hope that you have other people who will step up to the plate that you can call when you go into labor.  It doens not sound like he will be there for you - in this or any other situation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  I would hope that you have the financial means to provide for your self and this child.  

Another thing that I would do is go talk to a lawyer, so that the very least this "man" will have to pay child support for this child that he helped tp create.

It sound like you have a "long row to hoe, and not much help."  

  Good luck and please do not take out things on your child.  Another thing, if the two of you decide NOT TO GET MARRIED, then do not say bad things about the father ( as much as you might want to), eventually the child will figure things out on their own and this "man" will have to answer some hard questions from the child when they are older and better able to understand the situation.  And that is when he will realize what he missed out on.  

  GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS!!!!!!!!!!11

Answer 8

well i hope this helps.

I know that your worried about your fiance being a terd and not showing up but some guys feel left out of the whole birthing experience because as women have a tendency to forget about them my husband was doing something similar to what your guy is doing now.  I am due on monday so Ill fill you in, he stopped taking an interest in finishing things around the house aka the babies room, we fought more he was mean to my parents and his parents and was leaving me to do all of the house work he would come home and say i am tired and flop on the couch or go and do something he wanted to do and not even let me know where he was going.

So I blew up at him! I told him that this was his baby too, and I didnt just get pregnant on my own if I could I wouldnt need him.  Second I told him that if he douts our relationship he needs to get a grip on whatever little boy hood issues he has because come sept he is going to be a father and I would not stand for it if he igorned our daughter and treated her like dirt.  I asked him if he was happy in our marriage if there was something I could do to help him threw it.  Finally after months of him not telling me what was wrong he finally told me it was because everything was changing He was happy to be a father but was scared and confused because He was feeling left out.  Like everyone else had a job but him he would come home and do nothing.  Then actually I went into preterm labour at 32 weeks and bam he now has to do everything cooking cleaning helping me shower laundry groceries BIG eye Opener.  Give him tasks to do but first sit down and tell him calmly how you are feeling and what you can do to make things easier on him, by asking him whats going threw his head. And why he douts your baby not being his.  By approaching him humbly and not flying off the handle h**l open up

Answer 9

Your "fiancee" is looking for a way out.  You need to gain control and get used to the idea that you may be raising this child on your own.  Even if he does come back, it probably won't be for long.  You did not say how old you are, but I'm guessing the 2 of you are young.  

What you DO need to do is make sure this child is well cared for.  When you give birth, make sure you list this guy as father of your baby on the birth certificate - whether he is there or not.  Then, once you are out of the hospital, make an appointment with your county's child support division.  They will establish paternity and help get a child support order in place.  Even if he does not pay, the state will go after him.  His wages could be garnished, & if he does not have a job or gets paid under the table, you will get any tax refund checks or lottery winnings.  

At this point you have to do what is best for the baby.

Answer 10

He is probably scared right now cause it is almost baby time.  It is starting to sink in it is real and he is about to be a father and his life is about to change.  But the next time he calls you tell him to come over cause you need to talk.  Tell him that if he is not there when the baby is born, then it is over and you will see him in court about child support.  If he says o.k. it's over then it was not meant to be and is better now than after you are married.  But also given the prospect of loosing you, he might just come around and say he is sorry.

Answer 11

Ok this is what I think is going on....He is possibly cheating on you and taking his insecurtities out on you. Making it look like your the cheater so he can feel better about his actions. Then he doesnt want to hang around and is making really lame excuses. I know you dont want to hear that but its what sounds most logical at this point in time. If I was you I would give up on hearing a "im sorry" and just flat out ask him are you going to show up to your kids birth and sign the birth certificate because I am not playing games right now. I would then not depend on him being there because of his past and current actions. Ask for your mom to be there or a sister, grandma? I would not take him seriously at this point in time and you need support! I am so sorry you have to deal with this and I hope it gets better!