Biggest regret of my life? please read, i really need some advice!?

Question

i had an abortion about a month ago. and i regret it so much. i thought it was the right thing to do (because i'm only 15) but i feel like i made the worst decision i could ever make. everyday i think about it, and it never gets better. if i could have one wish for the rest of my life, it would be to travel back in time and keep my baby :'(. i hate myself so much for this decision. everyone told me it was the "best" decision. and maybe it was, but how come i don't feel that way inside? me and my boyfriend don't talk about it much because it makes him upset to, and i don't like to talk about it much. but i don;t know what to do anymore, i cry about it everyday and it never leaves my mind. i get awful dreams and i'm traumatized by that day. people say it will only get better in time, but i dont feel like it will. i go out and i see babys, pregnant women, and the other night i was at dinner and this women was showing her friend her ultrasound pictures, and it made me want to die inside

Answer 1

You cannot change what has happened.  I know you thought at the time it was the best for your situation.  At your age having and raising a child would not have been impossible, but it would have been difficult to say the least.  Odds are the boyfriend, as in love with him as you are, would not have stuck around.  You would have had to struggle to finish high school, and college would probably not have been an option.

I know all these may sound like shallow and selfish reasons right now.  They will probably always seem like shallow reasons to you.  But know that guilt and pain are normal and healthy.  If you didn't feel regret you wouldn't be human.

You are not a horrible person, you are a young girl who, along with your boyfriend, made a mistake and think things through.

Mistakes make us human.

I won't say your choice was good or bad, you know best how you feel.

But now having gone through this it let it make you a stronger and more determined person in teaching those around you to think first.

Best of luck to you.

Answer 2

What about getting some councelling?  Perhaps there is a therapist available in your school who can help?  Abortion is a difficult choice for any woman at any age, which is why where I live (Canada) there are free counceling services available to women.  

One thing though - try not to listen to the negative stuff on the Internet that people post here.  Don't let anyone make you feel worse about yourself - it sounds like you feel bad enough as it is.  So if I were you, I'd stop going online for advice and seek professional help.  All the best!

Answer 3

The past is the past and think carefully next time before making any decision.

Answer 4

The abortion wasn't your mistake, it was the part where you had s*x when you were nowhere NEAR capable of raising a child.  Those stupid old ladies who nag at you constantly to not have s*x nag at you JUST so what happened to you wouldn't happen.  There's really no advice I can give, this is something you're going to have to live with for the rest of your life but all I can say is that getting an abortion was the right thing to do in my mind as you're not able to take care of him or her.  Maybe you could tell your story to other people to prevent them from having to go through the same thing that you're going through...it's all you really can do.

This probably didn't help much but it's the best thing I can give.

~Brian

Answer 5

Time will make it better, but it will not make it go away.  You will always think of your baby.  Maybe you could do a memorial service for yourself and light some candles and tell your baby that you are sorry for what you did and next time you're pregnant (hopefully with better circumstances) you will not do the same.  It's going to be the hardest time of your life, and who knows maybe it was the right decision.  But you can't beat yourself up about it because what's done is done, we all wish we could back in time to fix something in our lives.  When it's your time to have a baby then you will think of your angel baby, and how it has brought you so far and taught you so much.

Don't listen to the criticism...people on here will always criticize you if you get pregnant under the age of 18 (regardless of whether you keep it, put it up for adoption, or abortion).  You should talk to someone you can trust about it and maybe that will help a little more.

Answer 6

Dont listen to everyone. Everyone makes mistakes and for them to pretend otherwise is hypocrisy. What your feeling is very normal feeling after an abortion. SO many women are traumatized! I suggest you seek counseling either with an abortion support group, or a licensed therapist. Sometimes it doesnt get better, and you need someone to coach you through your grief, yes grief!

Answer 7

Paige,

I think you need to talk to someone about this maybe a parent or pastor or counselor or even a close friend.  It so

sounds like Post Abortion Syndrome. As bad as you feel right now please get help if you become suicidal. My heart goes out to girls like you in your situation and all those losers who are getting on you for being sexually active are probably having s*x anyway so don't listen to them. People don't realize that pregnancy happens whether you use a condom or not.  I hope that your experience only makes you a stronger person. You will probably think about your lost baby a lot over the span of your life. It's very normal especially now since it's so recent.  I just want to let you know that God has your baby in heaven waiting for you and he is taking care of it's little soul and that hopefully someday you can meet your baby and say everything to him or her that you want to say to them right now.  Don't let yourself be destroyed by guilt. God does not condemn you.  He loves you and wants you to have an abundant life. He will be there for you if you ask him to and he has already forgiven you for what you have done. I hope you can find peace and a good counselor hun. I will be praying for you. I hope these videos help you.

Answer 8

your 15, how could you support a child, you would have to rely on your parents... at that age all i wanted to do was space my self from my parents - not tie then to me with a child...

also its your bfs decision too- half his to be technical...

im 18- i got friends in your position- alot kept the baby but it was really hard, they gave up their passion- have no chance of getting through university or collage...

its hard! but you have 25 more years where you can have a kid..

and dont feel bad about abortion- the way i see it to be alive is to experience, to think, and so on

im veggitarian and have been for years, but still eat eggs because they not "alive."

its ok- you made the right decision

but the hard part is living with the decision.. dont go doubting whats done- it will drive you insane

Answer 9

Its done now,you can change it.Living in the past will not help you or change the situation. You make desision in your life that change you.Your choices and desisions will make the person you become in your life.Concentrate on the reasons why this was your choice. Speck to a trusted adult about birth control and then wait till your older before trying again. Its gonna be tough but you will be ok.

Answer 10

what's done is done, it's important for you to force yourself to look past the situation.  everyone makes mistakes after all, just make sure you learn from your mistakes.  goodluck

Answer 11

You can't change the past, so use this experience wisely. Let it always remind you to practice safe s*x.

Answer 12

when ur feeling sad and think this was the thing that runed ur life dont look at it that way think of how u would have suported the kid and think how would i have gotten money for collage with the money needed to suport the kid it will always be a hard thing to think back on and think what could have been but u sould always think what can be

Answer 13

Yup, it sounds as if you need counselling. It's only been a month, so your body is still returning to normal.

Look at it this way - now you'll be able to sit your GCSEs and go to university if you want. Did you really want to be another teenage mum?

Thousands of women have terminations each year with no regrets.

Answer 14

if you think that you wouldnt be able to raise a child well at a young age then you did the right move

it would have changed you into a completly diffrent person and your bf too

so another option would have been to give birth to it and then put the child up for adoption...which isnt a much better place (nvr been in one  personally but not knowign ur paretns cant be to good)

so i think you did the right thing

and its going to be hard all tuff descions are

Answer 15

just  think to yourself, that you did the right thing, that there were reasons you did what you had to do and be confident in the descision you made.... but just let it pass

Answer 16

you may regret it now, but in about 3 or even 10 years from now when your more established, your going to thank yourself you did. you have the rest of your life to have a stable family life...the reason why your always thinking about it , probably cause you need to make better future goals...school, education ect ect....If your friend is young like you and showing you ultrasound pics, I would feel sorry for her cause she isnt going to know a independent , educated and productive life like you. I think you made the best choice..congrats..now lets continue these great choices and start by thinking of what you would like to study in school

Answer 17

I think you might need to speak to someone - contact the clinic where you had the proceedure done and see if they have councellors avaliable - which im sure they would. You should also speak to your boyfriend about it  - i know it would be upsetting, but you cant have all of this guilt on your shoulders alone. & ignore any insensitive d!cks on here - they arent worth gettin upset about. Best of luck xo