Bipolar and meds? etc...confused HELP! asap?

Question

I AM 18 and a female

hi, i was diagnosed with bipolar disorder about 2 years ago after having an episode of cutting and ending up in the ER followed by being sent to psychiatric ward =(..anyway i wanted to know if taking meds is really all that important only because i was on meds like abilify, lexapro, and 2 other meds that were c**p and NONE worked..they made me feel zombie-ish and sluggish like all my feelings were drained from me so i couldn't feel depressed or ANYTHING for that matter.

When i was put in the psychiatric unit they just upped my abilify to a RIDICULOUS amount and i felt so bad words couldn't even express (as most of you could relate) after that entire episode i stopped all the meds cold turkey every single one i did not want to be subjected to having to feel that way any longer.

i thought the doctors misdiagnosed me for a while cause i didn't believe i was bipolar but after actually sitting down and thinking about it i realized i posses most characteristics of someone who is normally classified as Bipolar.

so i would appreciate help here as i don't know if i should go back to a therapist and psychiatrist and get meds and therapy or just keep living my life the way i am now?

ill give you a bit of me:

1.i get SEVERELY depressed.

2.i show an interest in something new every day and hate what i liked the day before.

3.i can never sleep except for days i am so tired and lethargic that i literally collapse on the nearest couch.

4.i start talking myself up to an ego like i am better than every idiot out there i can become a physicist in a day.

5.i get EXTREMELY violent to me and other people and i start breaking everything in my path.

6.I get soo hyper and laugh and giggle at someone saying hello to me

7.i self injure even though I've been trying to quit its SO hard i haven't in around 9+ months =)!

8. when i get angry i pull my hair till there is literally chunks in my hand

9.i blame people for everything when i was the one doing it

10.i always believe i am right even though i know i am wrong

11. i have EXTREME low self esteem

12.i become "normal" for long periods of time (its amazing)

13. i always hear or see things that aren't there mostly when i try to sleep or when i am alone and it scares me so much and people will be like "what are you talking about its completely silent AND no one is around"!

14. i still believe in monsters (that's probably just a fear and nothing serious i am 18!)

15.i find it hard to concentrate (very hard actually)

the list goes on and on..

I've been telling myself i can do this on my own without any help and that Ive been doing fine but the truth is that Ive been pretty bad Ive been breaking lost of things and pulling my hair a lot more and getting the biggest urges to cut myself and its all so bad i just want it to go away and all my meds made me sooooo ravenous that i gained a lot of weight within a few months (70 lbs) so i am pretty scared to go on any and i don't feel like trying out another 10 as a test run for me to peoples Ginnie pig and see if it works or not =( i am tired of that.

my manic episodes can be very odd i just hope i don't have to go back to the same therapist they didn't even know anything about being bipolar.

I AM SORRY THIS IS SO LONG AND BORING =( I HOPE SOMEONE READS IT AND GIVES ME A FEW WORDS OF ADVICE.

________OH and they never told me what type of bipolar i am they just told me i am bipolar with no further information which seems ODD and unprofessional to me. Could i just be a very very odd NORMAL female? by any slight chance?

anyone in the Staten island/ New York area please refer someone.

Answer 1

Brit, I would like to tell you first of all, reaching for help is like one of the hardest things to do, than accepting the help follows. You should be proud of yourself for reaching. With that said, You are right, Just because you see a therapist a time or two does not mean they really know you, your illness or illnesses. If you are unhappy with the therapist you seen before than get a new one. You have to feel comfortable with whoever you are talking to. You will then open up completely about your thoughts and feelings.It also can take a great deal of time to get the correct medicine for you and a good dose that does not make you feel like a zombie. My guess is that, when you started the meds you were so out of wack (so to speak) that they were trying to get you a quick fix to help you become stable. While you were taking the meds you should have been seeing a therapist who would monitor your meds and your progress. If you told them of how you were feeling they could have adjusted it or even changed it.

You know you are dealing with somee type of mania, to what degree I can not diagnose you. Here is a site that may offer you some insite on how one may come to diagnose a person with bi polar disorder. Ones in the mental health field use a DSM (diagnostic and statistic manual. You can read it but make sure you are understanding what you are reading before jumping to conclusions. You can google DSM Bipolar and it will give you several resources. I would also like to tell you that meds DO HELP! and you are my dear in desperate  need of help. Don't stop searching for it. Go to as many therapists as you need to until you find one you like than switch. You will have to make a choice of one until you do find one as you do need meds and someone to monitor them. Don't be affraid to ask your therapist questions about your meds and treatment plan. be a participant. Call and get help before you hurt yourself again. Otherwise you will be back on the high doses of meds. Try to take care of this issue before it gets out of control again. People don't realize how much their meds help them until it is too late and they have done something terrible to themselves or others. Don't be one of those people. You can live a normal and happy life if you be patient and get help and take your meds as prescribed. If it is not working call and tell your therapist, they will change it or adjust it. Do not ever just STOP taking it. I wish you the best of luck doll. You are so young to be suffering through life like this but again I must say, how brave you are to reach for help and this my friend was a good start. I wish you well. follow the link below.

http://www.fortunecity.com/campus/psycho...

Answer 2

I suggest that you go to a psychiatrist and let them know the medications that you were put on which didnt work last time and what sort of side effects you were having with them.