Bipolar disorder and attempted suicide...correlation?

Question

What a year it has been for me...sent wife to rehab...she was diagnosed bipolar but still to this day says nothing is wrong with her. Anyway she cheated and left the marraige..had online love affairs...cybersex...photos and video chatting in the nude...etc...some wiht kids as young as 16. But I am now a single fahter of 3 kids. That is the short version of what went on.

Anyway I have tried to make this work anyhow...reached out my hand but she rejects it...but when I walk away she cries and wants me to hang in there...I dont get it...like she wants me but she doesnt....

This past weekend...after I cut off all contact for about 2 weeks...she told me that she drank a whole botle of pills hoping to not wake up. It freaked me out. I dont know what to do...

She lvies on her own but I told her to come back to the house...I gave in to her again as I did in the past but everytime I do that, she goes back to not caring...and into her manic mode...like she got her reasurance from me and can now not care. But she did say she tried to end her life by swallowing a bunch of pills....codeine I think...I dont know how many...but she said she slept 18 hours straight...

What should I do? She asked me to not tell anyone...in the meantime I am suffering both emotionally and even lost 20 pounds throughout this mess...should just let her be and continue not contacting her?

Answer 1

I have Bi Polar disorder and I can tell you your in for a ride.

First you must get her help again and again after that if need be. Even if it upsets her. Even if she gets upset who do you think she will call from the hospital after she's calmed down ?

After you get her some help.. You need to make a choice. Can you handle the roller coaster ride for the rest of your life or do you make a painful and final brake.

You really need to think about 3 things

1. Do you think she is capable of functioning as a wife and mother at least 75% of the time

2. regardless of her reckless and immoral judgment do you think she loves you . Try to think about the times she was not sick and how she treated you then ?

3. Do you love her enough to give her every ounce of your  energy the rest of your life ?

I met my husband when I was 20 and we divorced. It has been 11 years and we our now remarried happily. I have learned to manage my Bi polar disorder and I have matured as well. I also learned how much he loved me as he fought like a mad man to get me back for 7 years. He never gave up but in a respectable way and he was always there to listen when I had problems. But he suffered for 7 years alone and depressed himself because he could not let go of his first love .

Do you want to suffer this way  ? is it worth it and do you see a future for you both.

Our story turned out happy but trust me we have an off the charts love story too.

I hope the best for you both but first get her some help.

All the new pills in the world won't help her until she accepts that her life is what she makes it and not the illness, the DR's,  pills or people who wronged her in the past      

Answer 2

You've received some good answers here. As a person with bipolar disorder, I must admit that it sounds as if she needs hospitalization for a while. The last statistic I heard is that 1 in 5 people with bipolar commit suicide.

Your wife is very sick - just like if she had cancer. The trouble is that you can only see the behaviors of this illness. It would be easy to write her off but she is a very sick person who needs and deserves help. No matter what you decide about your relationship, please work with a doctor and try to convince her to go to the hospital before it's too late. I wish you the very best.

Answer 3

I hear your pain.

I think you are really way beyond our ability to give you any good advice here.

My impression would be for you to cut contact again.

You might let her back in but you really must put some serious conditions on it ( rehab, medication for her bipolar, therapy etc.).

I know you care deeply for this woman. Unfortunately there is nothing you can do for a person who will not help herself. You are being played like a Yo-Yo, whatever she does is okay but you are expected to be there as bailout.

Maybe you should check in your area for a group like Alanon for spouses of people with her disorder.

Good Luck dude.

Answer 4

it's called being a codependent. she knows you would respond to her O.Ding. that's a cry for help. if she wanted to die she knows how to do it.you really want to help her take her to rehab. there is more there then meets the eye.

Answer 5

I personally think a mental institution would help. I'm not trying to be mean but it seems like a lot of stress for the both of you. And have your children experienced any of this? Because i would suggest counciling as soon as possible. My close friend has a very problematic family and they didn't get counciling so i now what it can do to children. I also think you should consider tharaphy because it just seems like so much for someone to go through.  

Answer 6

Bi-polar disease is a chemical imbalance in the brain.  It affects how one perceives reality.  Whether on a "high" or a "low" the bi-polar person has issues with reality.

Does your family have a counselor?  Does your wife have a doctor treating her condition?

One of the problems with bi-polar patients is they think nothing is wrong, and won't take their meds.  That's why she needs to be in a hospital.

Your and your kids also need counseling to help you through this tragic mess.

Have you thought of having her declared incompetent and placing her on guardianship/conservator ship?  This way you could have her committed to a hospital for stabilization.

Answer 7

Cut all Ties with her and move on

shes only using you for some weird emotional thing, look when you say you care shes fine but when no ones there to baby her and c**p then she goes a bit Crazy

Shes like a druggie, and your Careing is her drug, as long as you care, she wont cause she knows she has you around her finger, and she can pretty much play you

Not to mention you have 3 kids you should be worried about, not her!!!!

Answer 8

You should tell someone, as it sounds like she is at risk of seriously harming, or killing herself.  

Answer 9

You're not a doctor, are you?  She needs professional help.  You can make suggestions, but if you're not her spouse, there's nothing you can do.  For the safety of your children, however, you need to get the court involved.  Talk to your lawyer about the situation.  Get some good advice.

Answer 10

Oh, Javier, I can relate.  My husband is bipolar and I have been through my own version of this, although every case is different.  Some of the behavior you describe is typical for bipolar, unfortunately, especially in the manic phase.

I am firmly convinced that she will not be able to get better with out medication and psychiatric help.  The only way I was able to get that for my husband was to force it, and finally to catch him in a moment when he admitted that something was VERY wrong, so he might as well find out.  We got this started through our family doctor.  I called him and told him what was going on, and he took it from there.  Please do something now.

The suicide rate for people with bipolar is higher than any other mental disorder, so you must pay attention.  Your wife is suffering; she is very ill.  Please get her the medical help she needs.

Now you and your children need help also.  There is an organization called NAMI that has extensive help and education for the family.  Please go to the website and find the NAMI closest to you so you can get some support NOW.  You should be able to find a weekly support group (in my area of LA, it is called Share and Care) to help you, but NAMI is all over the US.

I will be thinking of you all.  If she can get to the right people, your lives can get better.  Can you write back with an update later?

Answer 11

Javier, I also have bipolar disorder and can tell you from experience that it is not an easy illness to deal with. The last time I attemoted suicide was when I was very angry with my mother and I too was manic. Contrary to the opinions of people it is not necessarily the depresive phase that causes one to attempt suicide, but often when one in manic and angry. It is at this time that all hope seems to be lost. The most important action you can take is to discuss this with her doctor who can fully explain the causes of, the method it manifest itself and the ways to deal with the illness. There are so many different ways it manifests itself, hypersexual behavior for evample that it needs to be explained by a professional. You could check it out by going to the library and reading and learning about it.  I am not suggesting that you seek information from him about your wife's personal information but to learn how to deal with erratic moods and why someone reacts the way they do when in either a manic or depressed state. I never had any of my family truly understand or seek info about this. They just thought I was crazy and did not seem willing to learn more about it. All total I attempted suicide about 6-7 times and the last time I took about 80 Lithium capsules of 300 mg. each. This time I almost died. When I finally returned to the Lord and yielded all to Him I was OK and without any desire to commit suicide. However, the most important action you can take is to first regain her confidence, accept her the way she is now, help her take her meds as ordered, and Pray, Pray, Pray for her deliverance. I still take my meds and finally am able to face each day with the confidence that the Lord has truly worked all things out for the good. He is truly the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords and the Rock of my salvation. Without Him in my life and His loving guidance I am whole. I will continue to pray for both you, your wife and your children. In Christian love, Linda

gatita_63109

Answer 12

wow ...what a messed .... has she seen a doc. for this ... i would deffineatly stay worried about her and try to help her but bipolar ppl seems to be rly mad at the world and its hard to tlk to them ... i understand but there's med.s for tht n she jus might have to take them ... but im worried about the kids cuz its ruff growing up and ur mom's bipolar and ur dad is struggling ... i would think they need conesuling to make them get there emotions towards everything out .. i hope everything gets better !!! /:

Answer 13

I think you have to ask yourself if you are willing to put up with this and live like this for the rest of your life with her as she is because you cannot change her so you have to accept her and her illness if not than leave the relationship. Personally I would leave the relationship and find one with less drama but that's your choice. Good luck, sounds like a tough situation.