Birth Fathers who left?

Question

My daughter is in open adoption. She is a very happy well adjusted little girl i see her as often as i can and i love her so much. Her birth father left never really seeing her said he was to painful for him to deal with he does know what she looks like up until about the time she was 8 months old. ( i gave him pictures when i visited her) He said he wanted to visit her with me but never did and he's gone i dont know where and i have no way to get in contact with him. Last week i have had alot of blasts in the past people poppin up in and out and i'm really scared one day it just might be him wanting to finally see aria. I'm not very scared like i'm ganna freak out if that happends but it does kind of worry me. If the birth father of your baby came back and said he wanted to see your child years later when he really didnt get involed in anything with her or the adoption would you let him? I know its the choice of her adoptive parents but would you try to stick up for him and try to encourage them to say yes. If aria ever wanted to try to find him as she got older of course i would help her but am i just selfish to hope that she comes to me to find him not the other way around. If you were in my place what would you do as a just in case. Again i'm not to worried about it but i would like to know what you would do if you were in my place.

Answer 1

I've actually been in a similar situation. I gave a daughter up for adoption 10 1/2 years ago and have had an open adoption. To make the situation more interesting, her birth father and I also have a son who is 20 months older than her. I was 16 and he was 17 when our son was born. He wasn't around when she was born as he had cheated on me and was not even involved in my son's life at that point. He has never even asked me her name (I named her and the adoptive parents kept it). He knows that I do see her and my son sees her also. If he ever were to express interest in meeting her, I would NOT encourage it. I think it would be way too confusing for her and too hard on her. Her adoptive parents would also not allow it as from the start they have said the adoption was open to me but closed to him as he didn't even care enough to be around and be a father to our son. Once she turns 18, I would be willing to help her meet him but only if she is the one who initiates it.

Good luck with your situation.  

Answer 2

This isn't about what you and her first father think of each other.  It is, however, about your daughter being able to know and have a relationship with her first father.  She should have this right.  Because you've given no indication that this is an abusive man, as an adopted person, if I ever found out that my father had wanted to see me and my mother was pushing against this, I would be less than thrilled with her actions.

Answer 3

I don't understand the question...a father who gave birth (?)

Answer 4

an open adoption is ALL up to the adopted parents so when and if he decides to come around and see her all they have to say is NO...

I dought a judge is going to grand him visitaion rights after an adoption..

Answer 5

I think you should talk with the adoptive parents to see if you can work together, in letting him know how complicated this can be for the child if he comes into her life again, only to leave again.  

But, yes, I think it's something that should be allowed, only after the adults sit down to talk, to work something out that would be best for the child.

Answer 6

why are you allowing your daughter to be adopted?  why isn't she with you?  why is it you have to go and visit her?  I think it should all be the choice of the kid when she is old enough to decide that.