Birth moms: How do you feel about the people who adopted your child?

Question

I can imagine that there are a lot of mixed emotions toward them. I am especially curious about how you feel if your adoption is closed. I have been debating about checking up to see how my childrens' natural mom is doing. If she is off the streets and off drugs, I am considering contacting her for a more open adoption.

Answer 1

They weren't terrible people, but I could have done a better job than they did.  At the very least, my son wouldn't have been raised in a home with 2 alcoholics (not the a-parents) who were not around for the homestudy.

Answer 2

I gave my baby up for adoption about ten years ago.  I love the couple the that adopted him.  In my eyes I know that she was meant to be his mother.  For the first year or two I got lots of pictures and letters and then it started to die down.  Now I have not gotten a letter or picture in a long time. I wish they would get in contact with me, just so I could know what he looks like and how he is doing in school.  I know he is happy, but it would be nice to see a picture.

Answer 3

She seems like a great lady and I have a lot of respect for her.  I've only spoken to her on the phone a couple of times, but after each conversation I've come away feeling relieved and happy, with no bad vibes.

Answer 4

I used to think they were nice people. They can't have kids and have been trying for a year and a half to adopt.

But now I'm having second thoughts about giving my baby up for adoption.

Answer 5

I met my son's adoptive parents 3 months before I  had him and they are the nicest people I had ever met. We have an open adoption and it's been almost 4 years since we met and Alex is being raised in a very loving home with his brother Tyler who is also adopted. The parents are the most loving people and so proud of the boys. We keep in contact and even email eachother. Alex was born on Dec. 28th 2004 so christmas is really hard for me but I know that he is in a better home and that his "parents" are doing a better job. In his short amount of life he's been all over the place and has everything he could ever want and more.

Answer 6

I never met them untl I found my b daughter. We were never told anything about them. It was a closed adoption. They knew very little about us and we knew nothing about them. We were told this was best. Since her birth was a secret from the world I'm not sure how I would have reacted if her aparents had contacted us. When I looked and found her is when I met her amom, her adad died when she was 5 and I have never met her stepdad. If you know where she is, it would be good for your kids to know something about her.

Answer 7

When I was 18 I found out I was pregnat. I was overjoyed. Until my boyfriend died. I was about to go to college and with little money and no way to suport the baby, about 8 1/2 months along I went to adopthelp.com and they helped me place my baby for adoption.

Kayla was born June 2nd, 1998 and I signed the papers for her to be legally the daughter of her adoptive parents. And you know what? I'm glad I did.

Her birthparents have raised her so much better then I EVER could have!

Answer 8

Dear Sofiakat,

I MUST preface my answer my saying that I do not feel the way I feel about my situation's APs about all APs. I know many APs who I admire, respect, care deeply for and some who I consider to be my Ohana (family)!

As to L. & D., I honestly HATE them. They LIED to me and were not at all who they represented themselves to be. they were "friends" for whom I felt the pain of infertility and wo I considered family. I found myself in a position to help them and was promised to ALWAYS have a place in their lives. (Very open adoption) They closed it after finialization without explaination, sensitivity or valid reason to do so. (I was/am a perfectly fit and loving parent and a GOOD person.)

They have distroyed any trust I had in their characters and did a great deal of damage to my faith in humanity. They turned one of my greatest fears into reality and hurt me, my family, my friends and most importantly they are hurting the CHILDREN. They turned out to be too selfish to keep their promises, even the ones that were in the best interests of the children. I worry a great deal about what kind of example is being set for the children.

I am angry and do not know if I can ever forgive them for taking time from us that can never be made up or compensated. Yet, I pity them. I feel sorry for people who feel so much pain, fear, guilt or whatever awful emotion caused/causes them to do what they did and continue to do.

And dispite all the negativity I still hope for them. I think of them, I wish for peace with them and I want to reach out to them. I do not wish them harm nor do I want to ruin their lives or take the children or exacerbate their issues. I want them to be happy, healthy people not just because I still love them and want them to be good people but because I want the BEST for the children - even if it means I must remain silent and waiting.  I'll just save up all the love and memories I can to share when the time comes. I hope with all my heart it comes sooner rather that later and one of my greatest fears now is that it won't come at all.

I hope someday they will realize that I only ever wanted the best for them and that they will decide to keep the promises they made.

Again, I do NOT feel animosity towards APs based on my feelings about L. &. D. My parents who were WONDERFUL were adoptive, forster and exchange parents and I know many, many examples of beautiful, loving, kind, rightous APs.

Answer 9

I am a birth mom, with a very open adoption.  I couldn't bear it if the adoption were closed, or if I didn't have the degree of closeness that I get to enjoy with our arrangement.  I absolutely adore my son's adoptive parents.  I think they are wonderful people.  They are intelligent, interesting, well rounded, loving, and kind.  They are raising my son with the same principles and ethics that I would like to raise a child with someday.  

I regard you very highly for considering contact with the birth mother.  It is a very healthy and compassionate thing to do.  I think she will greatly appreciate it.  I hope things turn out well.