Birth/natural/first parents: what was your relinquisment experience like?

Question

When did you relinquish your child? What all do you know about your child's adoptive parents or family? Do you have an open adoption? Closed? Is it the way you want(ed) it? Or what would you change?

This stems from me realizing just how different adoptions can be depending on when they happened. When I had a baby who was given up for adoption in 2000, I spent the first three days after she was born with her, in the hospital. I have lots of pictures, and lots of memories. I know this is not the same for everyone of course.

I've heard from others that they think I'm callous as to my adoption experience. But maybe it's that I got more closure than most other birthmoms.

Any input from anyone is appreciated, thanks~

Answer 1

my mom gave up her baby in 2002 and in my eyes she seems to be ok with it. knowing that he is in a better place than she could have given him, i think, makes her feel alittle better. However me and my sister both have young children now and i think that makes her miss him a lot more.

Answer 2

I am pleased for you that you were able to spend time with your daughter and have keepsakes.When I gave my daughter up for adoption it was in the late seventies and things weren't exactly that way.First being the age I was,14,the final say as to whether the adoption went through wasn't just up to me but also up to my mother who had to agree as well.Obviously she did but I  thought that as she herself adopted me that she knew more than  I did so the push was there for me to agree.Second,even though contact between mother and baby wasn't stopped it was strongly discouraged as being too painful so i never even saw her let alone held her.       I don't believe that you are callous regarding your adoption experience as far as I am concerned we all have to deal with our feelings in our own way and as relinquishing mothers we have more to feel than most and have more right to feel this way we have a lot more to come to terms with and have to be probably a bit harder than the mothers who are able to take their babies home with them.For the recore I am also an adoptee and have had a stillborn son and so know a h**l of a lot about the so-called hard feelings that people think that some women have because it is hard for them to realise that talking about our experiences helps us and we should not have to hide things

Answer 3

Since you're not getting many responses to your question and you seem be seeking stories, you may find this link enlightening. There are many stories.

http://www.exiledmothers.com/babies_take...

Answer 4

"what was your relinquishment experience like?"

I would describe it as preparing to crash into a brick wall at a high speed.  I thought I was prepared enough to make the impact less severe, but still it was a pretty big impact that hurt.

"When did you relinquish your child?"

It was 1996.

"What all do you know about your child's adoptive parents or family?"

I knew of what they wrote on the Dear Expectant Parent letter, a little bit of their adoption history through our shared doctor, and what information I gleened from the hour or so meeting we had with them during the initial meeting.  So all told, not a whole lot, but I did get a lot from that meeting about intentions.  I usually have a good intuition about a person's true intentions when I interact with them.  For the most part, I still feel good about the match with them, despite some of the promises being broken.

"Do you have an open adoption? Closed?"

It really depends on how you look at it.  It is open in that we know where each other live, know each other's full names, and we send our communications back and forth directly with no intermediary.  But, our son on the other hand only knows he is adopted, and nothing of his biological family.  So I consider the adoption semi-closed.  Had he been told more details about us, I'd categorize the adoption semi-open because there are no visits involved.

"Is it the way you want(ed) it? Or what would you change?"

Not completely.  Originally, I had made it perfectly clear that I did not ever want to be a mystery to my son.  I would change that, and I would have been open to the idea of visits between our children who are full siblings.  My daughters are bummed they can't get to know him outside of pictures and updates about how he is doing.

"I spent the first three days after she was born with her, in the hospital. I have lots of pictures, and lots of memories. I know this is not the same for everyone of course."

Awww, that's good you got that.  My birth experience was hardly that at all.