Birthday party with estranged family members?

Question

Over 10 years my grandmother died and half of our family became greedy, went to court, etc., and disowned my mom and our family. Only one of my cousins stayed in touch and his little girl is having a party tomorrow. They came to my son's party and I told him I would come to hers. However, I just realized all of my cousins, my aunt and uncle, too, who I haven't seen in over 10 years, will be there. I am freaking out! How do I cope with this? Should I still go? What should I say to them? My husband is going out of town on business so, I have to go alone because everyone else has plans, too. I am so stressed, but I know my son will love it since there is a pony and a petting zoo. What would you do?

Answer 1

Go and keep it superficial, if they want to talk about the dirty laundry from the past simply tell them you are not comfortable discussing it.

My exes uncle slipped on his parents front stoop one winter and broke his ankle, he went on to sue his own parents and won and pretty much cleaned out their life savings.  For some reason the jerk still comes to Christmas.

Answer 2

As the old saying goes, "just be nice".  Trust me, my son just got married 2 months ago and I had to face my ex after so many years of bad memories, my son telling me things he had said about me and my 2nd husband, etc.  I did not know how I would act at my son's wedding, but I walked off when I found out he had arrived with his 4th wife (who is a **tch) and then thought, how stupid is this.  I was civil but not overly nice and it worked out just fine (not to mention I was dressed to kill with a killer dress and a new hair do which definitely helped to boost my morale).  You will do fine, just be civil to them and focus on your son - that is OUR main focus, right?

Answer 3

You should still go, be polite to everyone, and stay only as long as you are comfortable.  Think positive and hope for the best but plan for the worst.  It is possible that a good time will be had by all.  However, if anyone starts up with you, politely excuse yourself as soon as possible and then leave if you feel it's too much for you emotionally.  That way you can be proud of yourself and your behavior regardless of how it turns out.

Answer 4

I'd go, and be civil. Let all the bad feelings go. It's just hurting you. I'd be the better person and enjoy the day.

Answer 5

Well, I may be in the minority here...but I would cancel.  I have an estranged relationship with my siblings, and the frustration that occurs when I see them is practically unbearable.  It has been 3 years now, but even when I see a photo...all of the terrible feelings and memories come flooding back.  I think it is unhealthy to put your body and mind through the torture.  Send a balloon bouquet or something cute to the little girl and apologize for not being able to attend.  You will be happy  you didn't put yourself through that.  Spend a mom/son day somewhere special, just the two of you.