Birthmother Day Are you Yanking my Chain?

Question

Seriously! I just heard there was a 'Birthmother's Day' in the USA close to Mothers Day! and I'm aghast

I was born American but raised in the UK so I've been a little sheltered to the weirdo adoption rituals, but this one really takes the cake!

Please tell me this isn't true

Answer 1

Oh, yes, it's very true.  I came across this a few months ago and threw up a little in my mouth.  Oddly enough, it was started by a couple of birth mothers who formed a support group site for "birth"moms called "Birthmom Buds"

I think they felt that they needed a day to be celebrated, I imagine probably because they had NEVER been honored, not even on the usual Mother's Day....so I can kinda understand why they did it.  

http://www.birthmombuds.com/bmomsday.htm

One thing is for sure though that, I, for one, will be wishing my first Mom, Happy Mother's day this year on the usual Mother's day, just like I have done for the past couple years.

Answer 2

I've never heard of it, but it sounds like another Hallmark-holiday to me!

Answer 3

I've never heard of that...I live in Canada..I'm sure I would have heard of it  o_O

Answer 4

Birthmothers day...yea right..you have to take care of your child first....

Answer 5

I heard this today too and am shocked at how ridiculous it is.  Do 'they', whoever they are, actually think about what people may feel about these issues before deciding.  Is it not insulting to a natural mother to be told she needs a birthmother day, just to rub it in that she is not entitled to Mothers Day?  Adding insult to a very real injury?

Answer 6

Never heard of it.

Look at the website...it is to make money.....

Answer 7

There is a birthmother's day.  It's like any other holiday--if you don't want to celebrate it, then don't.  There's not really a need to ridicule those who want to acknowledge birthmothers on their own special day.

Answer 8

I have never heard of this either but it is a good idea....as a woman who has given her baby up for adoption, mothers day is awkward for me, i am a mother but my daughter is calling someone else mommy, celebrating it with someone else...where does that leave me?

If people can accept secretary's day for appreciating someone who helps them as their job then why not take a day to appreciate someone who gave one person life and another a family they always hoped for...

Answer 9

I am an adoptee and have 2 adopted children- and I have met the birth moms of both of my children- and I have no problem with this, if they want to have a day of remembrance.  Also it can be used as a way to support- and meet other birth moms who have placed their children. Mother's day could be very awkward to them. Why does it bother you and and others so much- is it because you want to forget the ones that sacrificed their child, so that you could be a parent. Or if you are an adoptee that you don't want to be reminded you have a birth mom out there somewhere. Knowing this site, here goes the thumbs down, but you know something, I don't care- if it was not for my birth mom, and the birth moms of my 2 children, we may have been aborted, and then we could not celebrate birth days or Mother's day.  And I don't think birthmother day makes them out to be second class citizens- as a matter of fact just the opposite-

Answer 10

lmao i've never heard of it before but i agree with you. and this made me laugh so hard

"Your not really my father but have a card anyways day'

hahah im still laughing

Madison you made a good point!!

I understand both sides..its a little out there but there are ppl it benifits

Answer 11

Here are the cards:

http://www.heartmarkdesigns.com/

Answer 12

I don't know about the birthmother day thing never heard it before. But they have celebration days for flipping everything now rying to to offend anyone.

Answer 13

I had never heard about it until now.  I wonder if the intent was to "celebrate" their choices or if whoever invented it wanted a day maybe not to celebrate "brithmothers" but to give them a day for awareness etc.  If it was used for that, to allow people to know about the pain they go through and the coersion etc. then maye a good thing.  I guess with all things we cannot assume the motive, and if it is the latter we should all be involved with educating the public.

Answer 14

It was probably just made up by Hallmark or some company to sell more cards.  After all, aren't they the fine people who brought us "bosses day"  or "kids day" ?   For every new "day" there will always be those poor souls who feel they need to hop on the bandwagon and contribute to the Greeting card coffers.  As for me, I have a hard enough time just getting birthday cards out. :-)

Answer 15

I didn't know about this.  My gut reaction is the same as yours.  I looked on the link for birthmother day cards.  They also have mother's day cards for adoptive mothers from birthmothers.  Ick!   If it comforts you, it doesn't seem to be a popular "weirdo adoption ritual".  I see most of us here hadn't heard of it.  Most adoptive parents I know send Mother's Day cards to their child's first mother.

Answer 16

I have never heard of it personally. It was probably made up by some adoptee and or first mom  who felt like it was disrespectful to include them on mother's day.

Answer 17

It is Sickenly true look at my list of sources below

Just to make the difference a little clearer right ? PUKE

GRRR its shameful what they will do to exploit people isnt it

Answer 18

I guess I am a little confused as to why a day celebrating the beautiful gift of adoption sparks such cynicism.  I think the person who said all mothers should be celebrated on Mother's Day makes sense but the truth is, they aren't.  IF you are part of the adoption world and it makes sense to have a separate time to celebrate and honor the women who society often judges without knowing their pain (birth mothers), then do.  If not, whats it to you?

Answer 19

Yes, it is true.  I think that the idea of a "Birthmother's Day" is becoming old school.  For a lot of mothers and their adult children in the adoption world, it is like rubbing salt into wounds.

A separate day sends the message that first/natural mothers who relinquish their children are tainted and should not be honored on the "real" Mother's Day.  It sets up a group of women as second-class citizens and is typical of our church controlled, patriarchal culture in the US.  Europeans are more progressive so I am not surprised that "Birthmother's Day" is new to you.

Answer 20

It is true, and for me personally when that day first starting to be celebrated it rang true and authentic for me.

It wasn't too long ago that birthmothers were birthmothers and not first mothers, biological mothers, or just considered mother.  When birthmother day was first started being celebrated, the idea of being mother to our children that we relinquished was still very taboo.  Mother's day was really uncomfortable.  In a way, I see the formation of Birthmother's day back then as a way to say, "hey I exist" and to see that other's exist too.

It wasn't until a couple years later that the adoption reform movement of ideas that needed change started to really rebel up against the concept of Birthmother's Day for the reasons you and the others replying here give.  We are mothers to our children and we should be included on Mother's day.

Still, I think that Birthmother's Day still sort of has a place though for the women just starting to break out of the stereotypical new birthmother role.  A way not to be invisible, but not completely rocking her grief by fully jumping into the I am a mother to my child just as his/her adoptive mother is mother to our child.

Anyway, my two cents.

Answer 21

Isn't this the most disgusting thing you have ever heard of? Seriously, are these people for real? I celebrate Mothers Day,(I am a mother regardless of what some piece of paper says. always was, and always will be!) why in hades would I celebrate losing my child to adoption at the hands of a baby broker? Do you wonder how pap's and ap's would like it if we suggested celebrating Adoptive Mothers Day? Or really can we just chuck this stupid thing right along with Gotcha Day? It is insulting and offensive in the extreme to suggest we celebrate a day that our world came to grief?