Blunt comments on my poem?

Question

its also kind of a song, and a poem.

im very very amateur.

you're such a liar

why are you always trying to play me?

you know i made a mistake

and cried about it for hours

but you just wound up being bitter

bringing it up again and

crushing me again

i can't even believe you'd say that

i know what you're doing

you don't need to lie to me

was i just not good enough for you?

was i just not quite up to your standards?

i didn't wanna go drinking all the time

i didn't want to be someone who

faked and lied all their life

i just don't know why you bother

you know and i know

you don't care about me anymore

you've got your new best friends

who'll get stoned at your calling

was i just not good enough for you?

was i just not quite up to your standards?

i didn't wanna go drinking all the time

i didn't want to be someone who

faked and lied all their life

you look pretty cute

when you can't even sit up

puking all over the grass

how pathetic is that?

we hurt eachother

but you brought it up again

Answer 1

Wow.

This is one very heartfelt poem.

Maddie (above) is right -- So it doesn't rhyme -- That is part of its beauty.  As a fellow poet (of over 20 years), I'll tell you, I can see your quality shining through your poem.  (It helps, I suppose, that I agree with what your poem is saying 100%.)

And you know the difference between "your" and "you're"!  Well done!

I would look forward to seeing future work from you.

barjesse37

Answer 2

you're not telling us what we need to hear as an audience. I feel no connection. You talk about a "mistake".  I need to know what that was. You call him a liar, but you never expose the lie.

Answer 3

Being drunk is being fake.  I think that is what the bottom line is on this poem.  It kept my attention...which is difficult on a long poem...so good job.

Answer 4

Well, it seems that you are talking about someone, kind of like a boyfriend.. doesn't have to be. Another thing is you are saying stuff negative a lot. None of it rhymes, but that's the beauty of some songs/poems.

Answer 5

Really good. But, the last line is STUPID!!!!!!!!