Body image issues or serious gender issues?

Question

ok, so I'm biologically female but I hate my female body. I've always hated the idea of puberty and when my body started changing I hated it even more. I've never liked having b*****s, they feel and look disgusting and I've always wished I could get rid of them. Also - periods? Gross and unnecessary, I don't want kids. So yeah, I've always hated wearing dresses and skirts and I would live in jeans, tshirts, hoodies, collared shirts etc you know, more masculine clothing but I feel like I can't because of my chest. Even if I hide my chest it still feels like I'm dressing up, I can't be comfortable. So I guess what i'm wondering is, do I have body image/self acceptance issues or gender issues? I can't even move how I want to. So I've been thinking that I might be better off as a boy. like, for me, i don't think that being a boy would change my personality or likes and dislikes, i wouldn't suddenly be obsessed with sport or cars or anything, and i wouldn't suddenly like girls, but I think it would let me finally like myself and be able to act how i want to. I realise that i can dress like a boy now, but it really feels like i'm still pretending. I refuse to wear feminine clothes because it feels realyl uncomfortable and not realyl me, but when I wear boys clothes I still feel fake. I have short hair and sometimes people take me for a boy, but as soon as i open my mouth, my stupid girly voice shatters the illusion.

So, do I just need to accept that i can be a girl and wear boys clothing, or do I have more serious gendr issues? I just want to be able to be myself, but right now i feel a bit trapped between genders.

Answer 1

No, I don't think you have problems. There are lots of straight girls, who just feel better wearing masculine clothing. Jeans, tees, hoodies, and slightly more femmy collared shirts look great on most girls.

You could really make it a really cool look! Especially if you do it, and still act girly.

Thats just my opinion, but based on what you said, i dont know if you would like it...

Answer 2

What you are experiencing is alot of what us trans folks experience. Now, don't get me wrong, cause I am no doctor, but it sounds like you also have whats technically called "Gender Identity Disorder" or also know just simply as GID (more accepted because people won't question it as much, thinking the GID is just cause its really complex to pronounce and will only confuse more).

What you can do, depending on you age, you have to have a parent/guardian consent if you are under 18, but see a counselor who works with only, or primarily gender identity patients. Your local family services counselor place won't usually have a clue, and try to say they do to just get your money, so your best bet is to look for local support groups. Also, depending on if you're a blogger, Livejournal.com, has a awesome FtM community, which I am sure someone somewhere near you, or that knows of your area, can give you a recommendation (I am in Tampa Bay in Florida and we have a group that meets twice monthly of all transgender people, from pre-t, pre-op, to fully transition).

I am not sure what you have used method wise to "hide your chest" but here are some ideas and they are a lil more reasonable then just having a ace bandage wrap....which I tell you now is the worst idea...ace bandages are meant to restrict movement, so obvisously its going to restrict movement of your upper body, therefore making it hard to breathe and move freely. However depending on your chest size, if you are small-medium size chest (up to small C) then a sports bra usually a size too small, if not 2 sports bra's will work in concealing a bit, and then also Under Armour makes skin tight shirts, like you see bikers wearing, that absorbs sweat, and if bought at a size or two smaller, works great in conceiling if small-medium (average C cup or so). Otherwise, the thing I love promoting best....Underworks.com....get a binder, a size smaller then a tight/skin tight shirt, it looks like a muscle shirt/beater, but if getting the 997 (which I recommend no matter what chest size) I also recommend getting it in black, espically if you sweat alot....And basically this binder will be your best friend, you will never get read as female again, until opening your mouth (I use to have hi-pitch cheerleader voice before T). And the best part is, even if you have DD breast (like myself), you are down to a A or small b depending on your chest muscle and structure at most. And because it is like a beater/tank top, your able to move freely. So the things that are hard to do w/ a large chest, like running and such, are no longer hard.

And if you go thru therapy and find out that transitioning isn't right for you, but you still feel masculine, and feel like your body just doesn't add up for your birth given gender, there is such a thing as gender q***r, and gender f**kers, which don't live as either gender....some have chest surgery and go thru hormone therapy so they get read as male, but prefer to be neither, and don't check either of the gender boxes...in which I still don't because my gender hasn't changed legally and I get read as male.

If you want, you can email me at [e-mail] for more info. and I'd be glad to help.  

Answer 3

wow this must be heavy you. that sucks. I wasn't really sure reading it whether it was body image or gender until you said "I have short hair and sometimes people take me for a boy, but as soon as i open my mouth, my stupid girly voice shatters the illusion." so now i'm leaning towards gender issues.

You can try accepting that girls can dress and act masculine and see how you feel after a while.

Maybe the only reason you feel like your being fake acting masculine is because of the socialisation growing up, that women have to act in this specific way and men in this specific way. Just because that's what is considered "normal" doesn't mean it's right for you. It's most important that you feel comfortable in yourself.



No one can really know what's going on in your mind. You're just going to have to figure it out over time. sorry i couldn't be more helpful.  

Answer 4

I believe you are an FTM transsexual.  You should look up [e-mail].  They are an FTM group that helps people who feel the way you are feeling.