Bonding with a moody 4 yr old TB mare with attitude problems! HELP?

Question

I have been leasing her for around 2 months now, she is fine and relaxed when i am there on my own and i work with her (lunging, groomng) etc. She is golden then but when her owner is there watching she plays up, pushing me about and has no respect for me, not sure why she does this! Do you know why she behaves like this? Its embarssing for me because i feel like im getting somewhere with her and then she blows it all when her owner is there.

Also what ways can you bond with her other than the lunging and grooming, does lunging even help? ive heard that grooming does help you bond with a horse.

Also how long does it take to bond with her so she is actually please and excited when she sees me coming?

Answer 1

The problem is a pecking order one.

When she was with her owner, the owner was boss and she was happy to follow, then you started doing things with her and THAT was cool, because she knows that she is below ppl in the "herd". However when her old owner is about she feels the need to "show off" a little by pushing the boundries with you....if you were 3 horses in the field it would work the same way.. her attitude is.."Owner is THE BOSS....I am happy to be subserviant to YOU, unless the BOSS is about, because I am in the BOSS's herd".

She needs to be delt with very firmly, but fairly, any disrespect should be brought up and quickly, she should soon realise that she is under the owner AND you.

Sending the owner away will not solve the problem, the behaviour will just start up again when she next shows up.

Why not talk to the owner about your feelings on this, that way if you feel you need to be a little firm with yr filly she will understand why . :)

Answer 2

She feels that her owner is not going to punish her so she can get away with anything, either this or she really  hates the owner.

Other good ways of bonding are to lead her round the school by lead rope and treating her (in the school) when she does something good.

Answer 3

You do not discipline her when her owner is there.  You show her owner differential treatment so she is (in normal horsey fashion) borrowing from her owner's dominance and bossing you around.  

This really is typical of horses.  Have you seen three horses in a field together with one bonded to the alpha?  The beta (#2 horse) may push the third horse around when the alpha horse is nowhere to be found.  But when the alpha horse is there the third horse can chase the number two horse from its feed because if it refuses to give the alpha horse steps in.

talk to the owner and let her know what is happening and tell her what to expect.  Then get pushy enough with the horse so that she knows you are still in charge.

Sorry Kelly I did not read your answer until after I posted mine.

Answer 4

Does she act this way for the owner? If so, she may not like Him/Her. If not, ask the owner what method of discipline they use and treat her the same way. She'll  soon understand you know what the owner knows and you are boss too. If she gets pushy, make her back up...a lot. :)

Answer 5

Hey, I have a t/b, he is a 9yr old gelding but more like a mare, it took a good 6 months for me to get that special bond, he neighs when he sees me and runs over to me in the field now, i used to sit in his field and feed him t*t bits and just talk to him so he got used to my voice, i sing when im around him so we re both relaxed and also when lunging( when not commanding)  all this lets him know in chilled out.  She will try it on when her owner there because she can, ask the owner to stay away for a while, two months is very soon, she still sees her as" boss "so to speak, you need time just the two of you.  Mine is the same if someone else rides him, he just looks at me and tries to nap for me.  In six months, groom, ride and spend as much time with her as poss, sit in her stable and read a book, just so she gets used to your smell and presence, treat her if she responds to your voice and praise all good behaviour, good luck, it will come, dont 4 get she is only a baby aswell, she needs time to mature,