Borderline Personality (read all please?)

Question

Now im really depressed..i am 15 years old.. i have episodes of numbness and depression that last at least 2 hours and the longest ones i had were 6 hours but after those episodes im fine and i can be friendly and nice... i have tried several things to diminish that depression.. i have tried alcohol, wrist cutting (most common) and also watchin pornography. i think it got triggered when i liked this girl just two weeks ago on one of my summer courses, she was a spanish girl, she looked american but she spoke Spanish and I speak Spanish btw, the moment i saw her eyes and smile, i just fell in love, we started talking and we seem to have alot in common i used to walk her to her house since she doesnt like to walk alone.. she was nice to me and everything. also when i started to like her i started to become a better person.my depression stopped and the bad habits i had also stopped.. but there was a problem. she had to leave in two weeks. I tried to tell her how I felt but I was just too shy cuz of rejection

since I experienced rejection b4,, so many times that I just became too shy to tell her how i felt... everytime she was with me i would never cry, i would never get numb or be sad.. and when she left.. just the second she left i started to feel numb again.. the bad habits came back.. and i got worse.. i started cutting and holding back tears... i just couldnt cry when i wanted to.. and the episodes got really common once or twice a day but with gaps in the middle of normalness... and i really started to miss her and i usually wait for her to get online at 4 am.. since 4 6 hours cuz of spain.. i just never gave up.. i think my problem is taht i just never forget and i love too much and I “fall in love” for lust and the person which sucks cuz either way I will “fall in love” I just get attached too much.. i never had a gf.. i had been rejected b4 many times being called ugly and hideous and that idea got stuck in my head and I keep putting myself down by calling myself ugly and that I will never find a girl.. and that I will die alone..

that’s how my self steem kept going down

even one time a girl said. "id rather kill myself to go out with him" and that hurt..so yeah that convinced me that I would never find love and that love is just sumtin that I would never be able to feel.. and usually I never talked to the girls I liked because I would get all shy and scared of the same reality that they would reject me… this happened to me since kindergarden first time I noticed girls…should i get help? and i usually think about what if the Spanish girl has a bf and get really sad... i have had thoughts of suicide and also thoughts of cutting deep and bleeding to death and drinking alot..and also thoughts of running away and seeing her again.. and no i dont think shes coming back but I still have hope to see her again and I know that god had a reason to make our paths in life cross, I just gotta find out y...

smart and honest answers please..

Any other ideas on what other diseases it could be?

Answer 1

I don't think you have a personality disorder, I think you suffer from low self-esteem.  You shouldn't let what the kids at school get you down.  You need to learn to love what you see when you look in the mirror...the happier and more secure you become, the more people will be attracted to you.

You need to stop the drinking and the cutting NOW.  This is only making your situation worse.  You will never learn to feel better about yourself, if you can't respect your own body.  Despite what you may think, girls do not find guys who drink or cut attractive.  Girls like guys who are healthy and take care of themselves.

You are young....I now 15 feels very "grown up" but I promise you that you will have many, many, MANY girlfriends in the years to come.  Girls are attracted to confident guys so the sooner you forget about some of the mean things girls have said in the past, the sooner you will make yourself available to finding another girl who cares about you.

I don't know if you have an older sibling or parent you can talk to.  I know that your parents are probably the last people you want to talk to, but trust me, sometimes talking to them will make you feel SO much better becuse you will realize you have a support group that can help you start to feel better.  If family is out of the question, talk to a close friend or a teacher...anyone you feel you can be honest with.

It would also help to find a book that explores the different feelings you are experiencing, and how to change them.  A book on depression or low self esteem could help you.  Read a little every day...speaking from experience, it really helps.

I'm sure you're a beautiful person - I can tell from the things you have written - and these feelings are normal for people your age to feel.  Just please stop taking it to the extreme and stop the cutting and drinking.  Instead of focussing on what you don't like about yourself, focus on what you DO like and remind yourself of what you like every day.  You can change the things you don't like (your body, your appearance etc.)  

The sooner you can learn to accept and love yourself for who you are, the sooner other people (including girls!) will start to notice and like you too.

Good luck

Answer 2

first off you got to know that most people are only out for themselves and are just completely, full of ****.

I used to be a lot like you until one of my unselfconscious friends started introducing me to people and getting girls to talk to me

At first I hated him for it but eventually I overcame my social anxiety and was glad he did it

I was 14 back then I'm 16 now

As for the girl you liked that moved away there isn't much you can do about that, I'm great with any girl that has a personality like mine (not many, but I've found a few), I understand you may feel different than me, but you have to at least try to meet someone else even if it is difficult for you

Your condition....very strong social anxiety, depression,

talk to someone who really knows you they could figure it out better than me

I've talked to people they say the antidepressants don't really work, but there supposed to for some people

The only real advice I can give you is to go make friends with a lot of good people, have as much fun as you can and at least think about other girls, it has to be better than the way your headed now right?