Bored....Rate the last verse of a new song on my demo?

Question

It's copyrighted but here is the last verse of my newest rap on my demo.

[Verse Three]

This my life my world when I rap this is my domain

My place I have control over you don’t just storm in

And take me you’ll just release a monster that’s dormant

Inside this body of an angel is a devil of me in my format

No horns just my face and an anger from my life’s torment

Told you f*ckers to stop but no now I’m actually all for it

He’s me but he’s a disease attack me I’ll be a gun a torrent

I’ll be a loose cannon a bull by the horns like a crazed horrent

But remember I’ll only attack you when you got me cornered

People who want me to work for them I’m not for sale or rent

I’ll do this myself never sell out and my message will be sent

I have no limit I thought I was gone but now I have no extent

I’m back and I’m gonna tell you about my pain the day’s spent

Looking up cuz how would I look bowing to the heavenly sent

I’ll be a idiot I bow to no one no man but I’m no gangster no gent

All I have under this chest is a heart that’s stronger than Clark Kent

Answer 1

you need more Rhymes Per Measure. get the flow straight. rap like how people used to.

Answer 2

It's alright nothing special.

Answer 3

5.5/10

not bad but you rhymed every single line in that, made it kinda boring

Answer 4

If you have a demo....why not just put a link so we can LISTEN to your song, instead of read your song

Answer 5

Well this was very WHACK so you should really stop talking about Lil Wayne and step YOUR game up ok