Both my grown kids don't want me to leave them anything at all. ?

Question

I have helped my daughtor a lot, but my son not as much. He is six years older than her and they don't get along.

Answer 1

hurry up and spend it before they change their minds.

Answer 2

Just do what you feel is the right thing for you to do but don't go on about it to them because it will only stress you out more than you already are. Let's face it when you are gone...what's done is done!

Answer 3

I don't think you should take what they are saying seriously.  Are you facing the inevitable sometime soon?  If so, maybe you should be doing something about it right now.   It's not their say whom you leave your assets to.  If you decide to give each half of what you have, then you can do it, whether they like it or not.  Just split everything down the middle, but I advise you to have a written will or you will force it all into probate court after your death.

I had to take care of both my mother and my father and my brother's death details.  Believe me, when you are gone, they are going to have to deal with it unless they don't care about you at all.  After a person you love dies, all those objects that are taken for granted, take on a special meaning.  You don't want to give anything away because its like giving your mother or father or brother away.  I had to settle my brothers affairs in probate court and believe you me, you DO NOT WANT THEM TO DO THAT.  It will cost your heirs endless grief, hours of thankless work, settling all your financial debts that you were too incompetent to take care of when you were alive.  The worst thing you can do to your children is to leave them with no will, no instructions on what to do or anything.  Like I said, everything you have will take on a special meaning to them when you have died...I have seen people turn on their brothers and sisters in an instant over petty stuff, not speaking of big bank accounts.

They may say they don't want anything, but believe you me, they do!The last thing you want is for them to fight each other over stuff you know isn't worth much.  You need an estate executor which is a fancy title for someone who is going to carry out the letter of your will.  Have a will made out, they aren't that expensive, and probate court can be avoided with wills.  Don't put them through the h**l of probate!  And believe me, they will very much be interested in your stuff and assets when you are gone.  You just won't be here on this side of life to witness the dramatic change.

Answer 4

wow...like you should show him some affection...that is rude ...why would you only show one affection...

Answer 5

thats maybe why they dont get alone seems like you showed favoritism towards your daughter which made your son grow animosity towards her and she may tell him dont get mad cause mom loves me more because not to be mean but you caused the hate you need to get them together and talk to them and tell them you want them to get alone and you also need to rebuild your mother son relationship with your son  

Answer 6

leave it all to me then

Answer 7

if they don't want you to leave them anything then don't.

realistically your money has to last you the rest of your life and the longer you live the more of you will need to help with age related illness--in the way of medical bills, at home health care and assistance.  And if you can afford it, assisted living to help you remain as independent as possible.

Unless you are a multimillionaire--I wouldn't expect to leave anything to your family.

Use it, enjoy it, travel with it and make sure you have enough to help your kids or grand-kids if you want and that you have enough to take care of you.

edit:

and I do agree the reason your children may not get along is because your son may see your daughter as a leech because you help her out so much and he may feel that you aren't being fair to him because you give her more.  The kids even though they are adults, are still seeing each other through the filter of their childhood.  "ooo, mom gives you money all the time and you're a bum but she never gives me anything.  She doesn't love me."  When really it may be that one child has a greater need than the other one.  When money is concerned, you need to either make it clear to the other children that you helping one in need or you need to treat them all the same.

edit 2:

talk to your son more.  Caretaking is usually a female job and guy's tend not to think about it as much.  Even when they take in their parents, it's their wives, girlfriends, or daughters who wind up doing the actual caretaking.  

he may figure if you need him then you'll call him.  Talk to him more and visit with him more.  Let him know that you would like to see him and you'd like him and his sister to try to patch up their differences if they can or you'd like him to at least explain to you why they don't get along.

Good Luck.

Answer 8

Do it anyway. Then let them decide if they don't want it they can give it to a charity of their choice in your honor.  

Answer 9

Never the less, divide it all in half.  Because they said no it doesn't mean it in this case.  They don't want you to stress about who gets what. so put some away for you funeral so they won't argue about who pays for what and who organises what. and the rest to your kids.

but please try to help them find out why they don't get along.  After you, they are their only family.  

Answer 10

Liquidate your assets and give each half of the money.

They won't say no to hard cash.

Otherwise...donate your stuff to your favourite charity.

Answer 11

If you have subastantial assets you can start a foundation and they can decide what charities to give the money to.  Even if it is small, it can be a scholarship fund which can help kids who meet a certain criteria and they can decide who those kids are.  It might be a good way to get them to do something positive together, too.  They might even end up seeing respectable things in each other.

Answer 12

YOUR LUCKY THERE NO SPUNGES  

Answer 13

Ok,  now what was your question?

It sounds like you kids don't want to think about your eventual demise.

Keep in mind, if you don't leave them anything, they wont fight over it.