Bottled up Emotions from past?

Question

I have always tried to be a laid back guy, never start **** with people.

I have come to realized that i kept alot of anger, frustration,stress, and emotions bottled up

I had friends that tried to take advantage of my kindess, started arguments, drama with me,

disrespected me, talked about me behind my back, etc.

And i tried to avoid it, didnt say much back, mostly because i guess i was trying to avoid not being liked,

being rejected, or whatever the reason,

i can probably say i was a people pleaser, not a pushover, but didnt stand up for myself, because of confrontations.

Even till today, i dont say much in confrontational situations, what can i do to improve this.

I want to be respected for who i am, can someone help me out with this.

Now i am almost angry everyday, i keep remembering all the bad ****, that my so called

fake friends, and other people did 2 me, or said to me, that it pisses me off,

And i feel like it ruined the good years of my life, and i dont know what to do anymore.

I am tired of feeling like this, and i want to know what i can do, to let go of all this anger thats bottled up inside me

FROM THE PAST.

Answer 1

I was angry everyday, because I to never showed my anger and was fake. After a while I was angry everyday! I would get so mad I would be in rage and even break stuff. I can't believe my boyfriend stayed with me. He told me I should go see this breathworker....so I did and here is what I found out,

She said the anger I was expierencing was all the stuff that made me mad in the past, basically suppressed stuff starting to come up and out. By you acting angry is a way of release for all those times you just bottled it in. However, there are other ways of release people should know. Breathwork has done wonders for me.  They also teach you to sit in front of the fire because that cleanses your energy body of negative emotions along with a warm warm bath.  Even if you just take lots of warm baths and sit in front of a bond fire everyday you will feel a difference. Sorry, I could go on and on just e-mail me if you want to know more. PS it is better to be angry than deppressed because deppression is the lowest state someone can be in.

Lots of love, I see you ridding yourself of all the anger

Answer 2

Quit blaming other people and accept that what happened was your own fault.  You allowed yourself to be treated that way.  Get over it. You are prolonging the agony by continuing to be angry about it.  it is no one's fault but your own.  Get some books on anger and on being assertive.  Take action today to improve your life tomorrow.  Stop wasting your time worrying over what happened in the past.  Just vow not to be that way anymore and change.  

Answer 3

I used to be exactly like that. I had so much pent up anger, but I dealt with it by getting into fights. I would suggest taking up something like kickboxing instead, much less painful :p

Answer 4

first off i can't tell you how many fake 'friends', drama, and relationship bullshit i've had to deal with, BUT the key is to deal with it. When i met my boyfriend he had some social problems that needed working on, especially in the department of sticking up to people who make you feel like ****. He's a people pleaser too and its very hard for him to say no, especially if he knows feelings will be hurt. When i first met him he left his ex-girlfriend run all over him. Talking down to him like he's not someone to respect, sending him confusing and racy text messages, responding to her '911 drunk dials' whenever her boyfriend treated her bad. He didn't want to deal with her bullshit anymore, which is completely understandable, he was miserable about everything.

Then he started listening to me. I told him to source of all his depression comes from other people. There is no way to be a happy person if other peoples opinions affect your decision so much that you have no opinion yourself. He started speaking up for himself. He got the f**k it mode in him and realized that even with one bad friend out of his mind he had so much more room to think about himself and what he likes and dislikes, and once you have yourself down then everything else will follow.

so my advice is to speak up more! there's NOTHING WRONG WITH SPEAKING YOUR MIND! especially if you're being offended. No one else has a right to push you out, express that! maybe those people would be more susceptible to your input if you tried more often... tell them how you feel and how its affecting you. if they're anything above scum between your toes then they'll listen. If not, well... i hope you do realize how many other good people are out there, you just have to be looking!

Answer 5

I know how you feel.  c**p like this happened to me too.  Eventually I learned that I just had to learn to deal without people  Survived on without others.  I figured out how everyone thought and figured out people who would make real friends.  And I talked to people who had the same thing that happened.  

Getting rid of all the pain is the hardest part.  Find someone who's been in the same situation and talk to them.  You need to find someone you can trust.  Good luck.

Answer 6

Realize that nothing you do now can change what has happened in the past.  Learn from your experiences, then let them go.  Even the more negative experiences help us develop and further define ourselves as individuals, so they aren't entirely bad.  It sounds like you are in the process of learning from your experiences.

I'd practice saying 'no' to your friends occasionally.  Do it in a nice way, but don't lie and make up excuses.  There was a time where a friend asked to borrow money from me and I told him no because the last time it took him almost 6 months to pay me back even though he was spent a good share of money on partying, DVDs, etc.  What I did was offer to go to a bank with him to help him find a personal loan (not co-signing or anything, just moral support).  Was my friend a little disappointed?  Of course.  But he understood where I was coming from.  I had explained it to him without letting emotions into the conversation, which kept it from being a dramatic scene.

At work, I'll try to take time to sit down a discuss a situation away from all the daily activities and gossip.  There was a time where my actions as a manager were called into quesiton by my boss.  I calmly explained all the factors I took into my decision-making process and how the course of action I chose, while one area suffered slightly, was the best overall for the company.  He agreed with me.

Overall, I'm known as someone who sticks to my convictions.  I don't say things about people that I wouldn't say to them.  I treat people in a respectful and honest way, even when I'm telling them something they don't want to hear.

But don't think that this is always a good thing.  Some people see my actions as abrasive and arrogant and even mean. I'm not a person with whom it is easy to make friends.  Once I do make a friend though, it is a lifelong friendship.

So just be prepared  

Answer 7

Be assertive at every opportunity. Get what you want without upsetting anyone and giving yourself strokes at the same time.

Answer 8

I can help! I know this because I have used it... I am free.

First anger affects the immune system, blood pressure... that means that is affects you physically.

Now lets put the past in prospective... Look it up in the dictionary... It is gone. we can not go back we can not change it. But we can change today. Live in the present.

When it comes to ANGER, be more effective and less affected.

It the anger worth it. Do you like these people? If not why do you still have them with you?

Good luck friend, this is a new begining for you.

Ask yourself is it worth it. Will I even care in 2 weeks a month?

Learn to be more assertive. Express yourself. be straight to the point, do not explain, you don't have to. You have the right to just say no. When we start to make up excuses, we will eventually let ourselves be talked into something that we don't want to do.

All the negative energy that goes into thinking about the Past which is gone) you can use to change today and prepare for tomorrow. So when you look back on them you can know that you took action. And things are different. You are making new memories. New friends.

Deal with the past, write down, and example and say what is really bothering me about this... Did I allow someone to use me? Did this embarrass me? Was it the person, is that what the problem is? Was this someone I wanted to like me and they didn't. Sometimes I think, why would I even want that person to like me looking back. they are not someone who is going somewhere in life.etc...

Answer 9

Same stuff here.  I get really angry when I think of things people said or did and I didnt stand up for myself at that moment, then the moment is gone and you can't fix it.  I think I know why I am this way, my mom and dad were really sh*tty.  I am just trying to be a little more short with people and even if it makes me kind of rude nowadays.  Give people what you are feeling straight up and I've found that it puts them in the place of having to justify what they just said or did, and it's a lot better than you getting taken advantage of. I know how you feel and it sucks man.  Why cant people be cool with you like youre being to them right?  Personally I have found and kept a select few friends who I can trust to be cool with me now.  I hope you find the same kinds.  And when you see someone taking advantage of you one time, the next time you see that person the only thing you can do is tell them hey i dont appreciate what you said or did because I dont think that was fair.  See what they say.  If youve had time to consider and are sure that you feel you have a right to feel this way, then they ought to be able to see it too.  If they blow your feelings off just say hey you know what i dont want you for a friend because I deserve better.   Another thing is some friends will try to get a free drink out of you here and there or something like that.  I had a friend who would let me buy him a beer one round at the bar, then the next round he just bought for himself.  I would have to say hey William I need a beer... I stopped being friends with that guy eventually though, who wants to have to remind people they owe you a beer?  But basically you just have to say hey last time i paid so you pay for me now.  Crappy friends wont.  In that case hey you got to see someones true colors for the price of a beer/burger whatever, its a good deal.  

Answer 10

Hi there,

Stress is actually one of the biggest problems we as a society is facing at the moment.  I've been there and got the t-shirt when it comes to stress so can talk to you about it from first hand experience.

You really need to identify what is stressing you and what triggers stress in your life.

Then you need to change your life to get rid of the stress triggers.

I know that can be easier said than done, but too much stress will kill you!  Quite literally.

There may be stress triggers you really can't change, in which case, can you either change your response so they don't stress you or do something to reduce rather than remove the stress?

I can recommend physical exercise.  I started jogging and cycling four or five times a week after my stress breakdown and found that helped me deal with it better.  I also buried myself in self help books and started to change how I thought about the world - The Secret was a movie I found in this period which helped me to change my viewpoint.

Reducing your stress is something you can do - you just need to take action and identify the stress triggers in your life and then remove or reduce them.

Hope that helps :)

Answer 11

if you truly love yourself, you will let go cause no one in this world is that much worthy of your precarious time.by not fighting back does not make you a weak person or a door mate.

one thing i use to do and still do, i write everything down who did what and when to me and sometimes when i read them back i feel free very free. if i tell you that you will forget it is a lie, you can never forget, if I tell you well just forgive them well you can some of them but not all.why don't you just start a new look and understanding, from now on today do not let any one to stand on your toes, start to day past is past.

i have this poem for you

What is love, Love can't see you and you can't see it

Love is a sneaky thing I guess sort of slick

Love can hurt and Love can heal

Love can be born and Love can kill

Love has won and Love has lost

Love can catch and Love can toss

Love can stand and Love can fall

Love is small and Love is tall

Love is right and Love is wrong

Love is weak and Love is strong

Love is up and Love is down

Love can smile and Love can frown

Love is good and Love can be bad

Love is quite and Love can brag

Love is a little and Love is a lot

Love continues and Love stops

Love can hope and Love can dream

Love can talk and Love can sing

Love can be a word or Love can be a ring

Love can be nothing or Love can be everything

this poem is not only for lovers, it is just basic feelings that most of do have towards our friends and love ones.

good luck

Answer 12

The past is exactly that -- past, over, history, and much as you may want to, it cannot be changed!

What you CAN do is decide how you want to spend your present.

You're already on "your way" in recognizing your anger and how much you "bottle up". You have identified some of the reasons -- people pleasing, avoiding confrontation. Now, what to do about it?

You can be a "nice" guy and stand up for yourself. The more genuine and authentic you are, the more you will attract people who appreciate and value those qualities -- and have them themselves.

There will always be people who are fake, who will try to take advantage of your kind nature. With practice you can learn to spot these people and keep them at a distance, or out of the picture altogether.

It's important to find someone (professional) -- a counselor, family doctor, minister -- who can help you work through your anger and show you other ways of expressing it. (If you "swallow" enough anger, I truly believe it can implode and create physical problems!)

Anger is a primary emotion often "covering up" something else, like fear -- of being disliked, abandoned, ridiculed, etc. Righteous anger can be useful (many political movements and social changes were fueled by righteous anger, for example). But you don't have to be "run" by your anger! You can pick your battles.

You don't say how old you are, but I suspect you have a lot more years in you.

It IS corny BUT "today IS the first day of the rest of your life". How do you want to live it? In resentment or with revengeful feelings about what happened? (Remember: "Living well is the best revenge.")

Good luck!

Answer 13

You just need someone you can vent too! talk to one of your parents or a friend you trust, the only other thing would be a counselor or a professional but usually the ones who understand you best is your family, once you let it out you will feel much better I bet even asking this question made you feel better a little didn't it. Best of luck it's not going to be like this forever, things change and so do people.