Bounderies for my 12 year old son?

Question

My husband thinks that I should let my son watch TV for more than an hour a day. I think that's terrible! We don't have a channel filter control, so who knows what the boy will be watching! We let him watch an hour of TV a day if somebody's in the room, but I think more and without supervision is terrible. And what do you think about bedtimes? He goes to bed at 8, and is asleep by 8:30. Again, my husband thinks this is ridiculous. He says a boy his age should be going up at 9, and asleep by 10! What do you think?

Answer 1

iam  11 years old and i go to bed at 10:00. if i come home and look and feel tired i have to bump up my bedtime onother 30 min. i also have an older brother that has a tv in his room and my mom sat him down and told him that he cant be watching this and that. and that she would be very disapointed if he broke her rules. she atleast she gave him a chance and trusted him.

Answer 2

I have an idea.

Let your husband be in charge for a while...if he is home.  Let him set the boundaries.  If things work out, yo will know his ideas are worthwhile.  If they don't, your husband will learn to trust you more.

Right now, you have a power struggle going on, and that is not good for your son.

Hang in there.  You can work it out.

Be well.

Answer 3

I think your son should have at least 3 hours of television a day (my daughters do and they're 4) and even though you don't have filter control, I think you should trust your son (unless he's showed any interest in sexual contact). And, at 12, he should be going to bed at 9:30, asleep by 9:45 or 10:00.

Answer 4

I have to agree with your husband, 8:00 is pretty early for a boy his age.

Answer 5

I think you should listen to hubby... I think he's already entered this conflict on a compromise level.

You all sound intirely sensible - he has too understand his peers - tv is probebly a safer experiance than real life.

Don't have the tv in his room he can stay up and watch in a public area, theres nothing more offputting then your mums prim face walking past when something dodgys on tv.

We can only guide them, Zoe.

Answer 6

I think your husband is wright about both.He's not going to see or hear anything on T V that he's not going to see or hear in school or on comp.Bed time should depend on what time he has 2 get up in mourning all he needs is good 8 hours sleep.10 should b ok

Answer 7

i hate to tell u but i suspect ur in the minority amongst yr sons peers.   i have an 11 1/2 yr old and he watches more than an hr a day and unsupervised during the afternoon/early evening up till end of simpsons then its family viewing time so hes not watching alone. of course he is not watching constantly but does other things in between like homework, playing outside and x box.  8/8.30 seems rather early for his age but each child needs differing amounts of sleep,mine goes up to bed at abt 9.15 and is asleep within 1/2 hr.

Answer 8

Good for you for SETTING boundaries and KEEPING TO THEM!  

If you son is asleep by 8:30, then he's not getting to bed too early. I would leave things as they are with that. Lack of sleep is a huge problem in society today; good that he's not one of the many sleep deprived. Why fix what works for him, if it isn't broken?

I agree on the t.v. situation. I think there are good things on, but you really have to look. There's a lot of garbage, too. If your son is reading and doing other developmental things, then why change this, either?

Maybe if you and your husband look at your goals and wishes for your son, he could show you how watching more t.v. and staying up later will help him get there. Bet they won't. ;-)

Answer 9

It really depends on what time he wakes up, and how he feels best.  Kids his age need about 8-9 hours of sleep on AVERAGE.  This means some kids do well on 7, and others might need 10 or 11!  Count back 9 hours from when he wakes up and that is what time he must be ASLEEP by.  See how he is during the day? Is he sleepy or crabby?  Then he might need more sleep.

An hour of tv a day sounds reasonable especially since it is getting nice out.  He should be outside riding bikes and playing basketball not watching tv!  I do think he's old enough to watch most shows on day time tv though without supervision....

Answer 10

I think you are a little too protective of your son. I mean he is 12 yrs old.. he's going to be exposed to the real world soon enough.. raising his tv time won't harm anyone and same with his bedtime.. btw.. does your son make a fuss? because then you should really really thinking of being a little lenient

Answer 11

The TV thing is fine, but the bedtime sounds like a little more for a 5 year old.  You might want to relax a little on that.  Kids need rules, but too many and too strict and it will blow up in your face.

Answer 12

He should have more tv time. You should trust him to watch appropriate shows/movies. 12 years old and going to bed at 8? when I was his age I went to bed at 10! He has to grow up sometime! I agree with your husband on both situations!

Answer 13

Im 12 and I get into bed at 9 and read a book for half an hour because that is what makes me tiered. I watch tv just whenever i wanna and i dont watch bad things but my rents dont watch tv with me. Hope this helped!

-Tara

Answer 14

i agree with ypur husband

Answer 15

plz dont take this wrong but does your husband believe in boundries for children?   the only way ( i believe) that kids thrive in life is because there parents set boundries, so they can test them.  if the parents stick to this it gives a child a sense of security.  dont be affraid to let your child know that you love him.  even if your husband thinks its crazy.

Answer 16

let him watch t.v. a tad more, not much. if he enjoys what he watches for that one hour, then he will probably jist want to watch more of that, not something else. as for the bedtime, i agree with your husband. 8 is really early for a boy at 12. what time did he go to bed when he was 5? 6:00?? it just got dark at 8:00

Answer 17

your husband is right

Answer 18

this can't be a real question. 8 is too early for a 12 year old. if he falls asleep by 8:30 maybe there is something physically wrong with him, children at this age generally do not need as much sleep as when they were younger (unless of course he is getting up at 5am) - tv is a bad thing, i agree. but it's also reality. i would say 2hours is reasonable. he shouldn't have to have an adult in the room while he watches. you can easily block certain channels that you don't want him watching. seriously though, if you are for real and keep up this n**i parenting, he'll either kill you in your sleep someday or hate your guts down the road.

Answer 19

I totally agree with what your saying!

The trash on tv these days it totally rediculas.  Doesn't need to be shown early on nevermind on at all!  

I think it's great your only letting your son watch TV for an hour you're making sure he's safe and secure!  

8:00 is a good time for a 12 year old to sleep i go to sleep around however it really depends on how much sleep your child needs sometimes when you sleep more than you should average around 8 hours is bad for you.  It depends on the child.

Answer 20

At 12, you need to start trusting your son to know right and wrong, and you jump in only where the lines are blurry. I have a 12 year old as well. He knows that he has to use the computer responsibly --- and by that, it means he can use it to do his research to do his homework, and only after he's done with his homework can he look up his other interests i.e. manga, anime, sports. My son also knows that I won't write a note for school and make up excuses for him if he fails to complete his homework. So additional TV time or internet surfing can only happen if he has finished his work.

I don't have a TV filter at home so I am taking a risk trusting that my son honours the trust I've given him.

Bedtime at 9:30 is reasonable. I don't recall sleeping at 8:30 at that age --- I remember still ploughing through my homework or packing my school bag for the next day at  that time. Which is exactly what my son does as well -- so the next day, we're not in a panic getting his school bag ready. And while he's doing that, I let him watch TV while I go through his homework diary and engage him in a conversation about his homework, if there was anything that he found too easy or too difficult to do.

Answer 21

you shoul trust more in him, and let him watch tv. a little more and just watch over him while he is watiching tv.

and the bed time should be at 9.00 :)

Answer 22

Mom, your like a boot camp!

An hour of tv yeah sure fine, but whats with the as long as someone is in the room stuff.

You obviously have no trust in your son at all or are afraid that he wikk actually grow up.

secondly at 12 years old 8 o clock in ridiculous.

what are you doing

You will see when that child gets older because you gave him no freedom when he was young he wil go crazy.

Trust me I am 18 myself and I have seen it happen with friends.

And then you will be sorry you didn't loosen the slack

Answer 23

Honestly, i think the tv situation is okay, but sometimes you could extend it for a little while longer if he finishes all his chores, homework, etc. And as for the bed time, i agree with your husband. But i think your son should be asleep by 9:30.

Answer 24

Your husband is right, chill out lady. You sound like my mom, annoying and over protective. It does'nt matter even if you take the TV away he still hears about it in school so there is no point.

Answer 25

Well I personally let my kids watch a lot of TV....my son loves the military channel and can rattle off all sorts of statistics and info about weaponry, ships, tanks, aircraft ....he's developing a passion and I am immensely gratified....I'd be happier if he were reading all this in books, but not everyone loves to read.  By the way, my son is 9 years old.   So just because it's TV doesn't mean it's a bad thing.

Also, on the bedtime thing....my 7 and 9 year old have an 8pm bedtime....I'm thinking especially in the summer you should raise it a bit because it's still daylight outside and it's difficult to wind down when the sun is still shinning.

That's what I think.