Boy friends step daughter Need advise?

Question

I don't have kids, My boy friend has one son who lives with his mother- we get him every other weekend, This question is about the 19 yr. old step daughter. He raised her since she was two and the daughter has been living with the mother thus far. Well now the daughter is pregnant because the mother let her boyfriend move in the house with them. Now that she is pregnant mother kicked daughter out... My boyfriend wants to let the daughter come live with us, But I am worried she will just be a mooch- BY no means do I want her not to have a place to stay, but I need advise, Ground rules. I do not have children and he is really freaked out too. Anything helps. ground rules advise. I don't want her living there for ever- I am thinking a few months to get on her feet get a job and move on..Is that too quick..What would you do? Time lines..Thanks for your help

Answer 1

I think that all the answers given are great, and  I do agree with all of them, just do not forget that her mom just kick her out and she might need some TLC and she is pregnant she probably feels like c**p any ways, any way good lock to you, I hope that you can help

Answer 2

How long she should be allowed to stay depends on how long you are willing to help.  If she doesn't have her stuff together by two or three months, are you OK with letting her just figure things out for herself or would you still feel the need to shelter her?  What about when the baby is born?  If she can't afford to live on her own yet, are you still willing to offer her a place to stay?  These are all things that you and your boyfriend need to discuss.

Ground rules are simple.  She is to help around the house and earn her keep.  She is to look for a job and/or continue her education.  If she wants any "extras", she needs to pay for them herself.  Enforce a curfew.  The time is up to you.  Midnight or so?  Yeah, she's 19, but if she's going to be living under your roof, it is your rules or she can hit the road.

Answer 3

say yes and teach her a lesson bring other teen boys and force her to have s*x with them and then she will understand

Answer 4

Give her six months. Make it clear that everything that doesn't go toward helping out with food and bills and paying for prenatal care needs to be saved for a new place. If you want her to save faster, don't make her contribute as much. Write out a contract if you have to; my mother did it with me all the time when I was younger. Offer to help her find a place and get settled, as long as she's willing to put in the work she needs and not put it all on you and your boyfriend. Ideally, in those six months, she can save enough money and find a decent place, so she'll be settled by the time her baby arrives. What you don't want to do is coddle her. Understand that she is pregnant, with all the symptoms (harmones included) that come with it, but don't let her think she can get away with anything she wants. Also, don't let her being over 18 be a factor in her thinking she can do whatever. Your house, your rules. Have a curfew... nothing you'd give a 14 year old, but a certain hour by which she needs to be in the house and noise needs to be nil. Show her respect, don't treat her like a child, but let her know that respect is a two way street. Other than that, I can't think of too much at the moment. I'll edit if more comes to me. Hope I helped. Good luck!

It's not ALL up to your boyfriend, but you need to discuss and come to an agreement about just how much you're willing to do before she moves in. Changing things up at a later date could cause a lot of friction.

Answer 5

Ok you have to see this from a couple points of view. On one hand this is your b/f's chance to reconnect with his stepdaughter...also it will be difficult to obtain a job while pregnant for her...most employers do not want to hire on a pregnant woman considering that soon after they are hired they will have to miss certain days for prenatal check ups and such and then leave from anywhere to a month to a year on maternity leave and they have to loose money on holding the job for them to decide wether they are coming back to work or not.

I would say a ground rule needs to be that she has to have some sort of income because you can not support her...wether it be her at least TRYIN to get a job or her b/f paying her way. Also she can not just laze about the house and expect you to take care of her day in and day out...she has to do something such as the dishes or maybe cook 1 or 2 meals a week or something like that...those are not too strenuous for her to do...h**l I'm 7 months pregnant with 2 daughters already and I do EVERYTHING around my house so its not too much to ask. Just whatever you feel comfortable with asking her to do,then ask. Let your boyfriend know that she is welcome but she can not be a bump on  a log for the whole stay. Also I don't know if you are ok with this or not but if she is still with her b/f you might want to make it clear that he is either welcome or not welcome...make sure this is the main point you make also because she might have the understanding that her b/f is allowed to move in with her so just get that out in the open right away.

Hope that Helped