Boyfriend's Ultimatum: Get along with my mother or I'll dump you!!??!!?

Question

I have been with my boyfriend for almost five years now, and along with life's ups and downs, we have been getting along ok. The problem is his mother, whom I do not like. She makes it hard for ANYONE to like her. She insists on butting into our personal business, and she has been putting ideas in my boyfriend's mind that one day, I will take our 9-week old daughter back to my hometown, and I won't let him see the baby ever again! She's threatened to sue me a couple of times for issues that were none of her business (1-I gave the baby my last name, which she said was illegal, and 2-She won't come to MY house to see the baby, so she started the mess about me leaving for my hometown and not allowing him to see the baby...she said she was going to consult a lawyer).

I've about had it with her, and I no longer want anything to do with her ever again. I don't mind if she has a relationship with my daughter however. My boyfriend has threatened that if I don't start getting along with her, he'll leave me. How do I handle this situation? (I'd write more details, but my daughter is fussing!!)

ADD:

I would NEVER keep our daughter from him...I could never do that. But, she is putting it into his mind that one day I will.

Also, I don't mind if our daughter has a relationship with my bf's mother. So far, she hasn't come to the house to see her, because she wants us to being the baby to HER. Since my baby doesn't sleep thru the night yet, I'm sleep-deprived, and have asked that she come to my house to visit, but she refuses. So it's HER loss.

Answer 1

Frankly, if your boyfriend was grown up he would tell his mother that SHE needs to get along with you!!!   He lives with you or his mother? He made a baby with you or his mother?

Tell him that you're going through post partum recovery right now and he needs to support you both physically and emotionally.

I'm sending hugs your way.

Answer 2

You need to tell him that if your Mother keeps putting barriers up between the two of you then it will force you apart.

He obviously can't see how unreasonable his own mother is / or knows she wont change so you have to - wrong - he lives with you - you have his child and he needs to be supportive of that or all he will be left with is his mother!  Don't be bullied by the behavior of either of them.

How do you handle the situation - just tell him you will not be threatened by either his behavior or his mother's - that he needs to believe that you are not going to run off (if he can't trust that then what basis for any relationship do you have) -  Tell him that his threatening behavior has back-fired and that you want to hear no more from or about his Mother until she can show you some respect and stop getting involved in your relationship.

Have I been ranting?  sorry I know what you have been through  - my partners mother was very difficult to get on with and I did everything to appease the situation - it made no difference - it caused a wedge between me and my partner, because he always put her first rather than me - and he could see her faults!