Boyfriend's failure to launch! Help!?

Question

I'm 27 and a divorced single mom. My boyfriend is 23 and has lived with his parents his entire life. When I met him, I thought he was so sweet and very close with his family but now that we've been together a while... and I'm pregnant again... I've come to realize that it's more than just being a family man... His mom still cleans his room, does his laundry, picks out his clothes, manages his bank account and does pretty much everything else a "grown-up" would do for himself. I'm completely freaked out and turned off... and 20 weeks pregnant. Needless to say this pregnancy was not planned but I had high hopes that things would work out just fine. But now I feel like I'm having a baby with a high school boy. How could I be so blind until now?! Should we still move in together? How can I raise this baby with someone who still shoots bottle rockets at his friends for fun, makes f**t jokes, collects toy trucks and has his mom do all of our house hunting?

Answer 1

well thats very immature

Answer 2

Um, NO! This is so not a good idea. If his mom wants to help with house hunting, thats ok, but for her to do it for you, that is not ok. You and your boyfriend are grown adults who need to get out and do these things yourself. If he doesnt join in on your views and how things should be done with the 2 of you then you need to kick him to the curb if he is not gonna stand up and be a man.

Answer 3

Wow! HE is very immature and i think him moving in with you or you moving in with him basically you guys moving in together will be a HUGE MISTAKE! Don't do it! Please! Because eventually it will be like taking care of three babies! I don't think you two should be together until he grows up. I mean i know you want him in the baby's life but that doesn't mean you two have to be together. You take care of yourself and have a happy healthy pregnancy and let him continue to be a mama's boy. He will grow up soon hopefully!! But I don't think having a mama's boy as a boyfriend or husband will ever work out. Tell how you feel tell you you need a break. Good Luck! Please don't stress yourself out

Answer 4

I was with my boyfriend for 12 years before we married.  He was EXACTLY the same way and I was worried about the same things that you currently do.  However, what I found was that he is such a family man and over-indulges my daughters and me because that is the way he was treated by his parents.  He enjoyed taking on the responsibility once it was his turn. AND as a bonus I have not only a hands-on-dad to help me, but two very hands-on-grandparents.  I tell everyone...If you want to see how your husband is going to treat you....look at the way he treats his mom.  

Not to sugarcoat your situation.  By all means communicate your concerns with him BEFORE you move in together.

We are now happily married for 10 years with 2 beautiful little girls.

Answer 5

I think you're on a hormone rush.  I think you should keep your own place for now and keep the relationship going.  Things may be different after the baby comes.  Wait until then!  For the first 3 months of my second pregnany I slept on the couch I was so "out of love" with my husband.  He still does things that REALLY P.O. me and I'm starting to see a little better because I'm getting used to the hormones.  Things will likely work out, so just take it easy and take it as it comes!

Answer 6

You need to talk to him before you do anything. I'm sorry to say it sounds like my ex, he never cleaned his room and did his laundry when it smelled but he was a stay at home mama boy. Collecting transformers. He never grew up and was a constant problem I hope it works different for him but you need to say something express how you feel and tell him to start showing his age. GL

Answer 7

I think you statement of having a baby with a high school boy is 100% accurate.

Look at it from his point of view.  He has everything done for him ( you didn't mention if he has a job), why would you leave?

If you move in together, he is going to expect you to be his mother's replacement and I don't think you are looking for that.

If you want this to work, I think you are going to have to talk to his mother first and then him that he needs to grow up and fast.  I would suggest you don't live together and even after the baby is born you live apart.  If he moves out of the house and grows up and does it for a while, then you can at least see he is acting like a man and not a boy.  He's got a long way to go and you will be raising this baby on your own.