Boyfriend's sister invited herself along. WWYD?

Question

My boyfriend works very hard, 6 days a week. We don't get to spend as much time together as either of us would like, as a result.

His day off is Thursday, and until now, ever since we started dating, I've worked on Thursdays.

I'm not working anymore, and am excited to finally spend time with him.

He's never been to a zoo before, and a month ago I started planning a day trip for us to New York, to the Bronx Zoo. Just the 2 of us.

His sister is a lot older than me, and she doesn't speak a WORD of english. Not even "hi." She's fresh-off-the-boat from El Salvador. I speak spanish, since my boyfriend does, but by no means fluently, and I have a really hard time understanding her because she talks REALLY fast.

She called my boyfriend last night to see if he could take her to the post office on Thursday. He told her he couldn't, because he was going to the zoo with me. And then, he invited her to come. I was standing right next to him. She said yes, and then he looked at me and said "That's ok, if my sister comes, right?"

No! If I wanted your sister to come, I would've invited her! But what could I do? He had already invited her, I couldn't just say "actually, it's not ok" with her on the phone. So I just said "well, i guess."

I wanted it to be just us. If his sister comes, it'll be awkward. If I speak to my boyfriend in english the whole time, she'll feel left out. He'll speak to her in spanish, and they'll talk, and I won't understand everything, and I'll be left out.

Is there a way to bring this up with my boyfriend tonight, and express that I really wanted tomorrow to be just the two of us, and she can gladly hang out with us some other time?

What would you do?

Answer 1

I would tell him that I am not going to the zoo with him, and give everything you told us as an explanation. Especially that you are excited to spend time with him as a couple because you so seldom can, and you do not want to tag along while he and his sister have a conversation you can't understand and may not be able to relate to.

Tell him that you will plan something for the two of you to do next Thursday, and make it clear that it's just the two of you, no one else is to be invited.

Answer 2

He really put you on the spot, so nothing you can do or say now because if you say something now it will make you look bad as he already told her she could come. I think she had a nerve wanting to come in the first place, and I think he was even worse putting you on the spot like that, knowing there was only one answer you could give. In the future you need to set parameters and include the sister once in a while, but not every time esp since she speaks no English. This should not be a package deal, you are seeing her brother, not her, and if this continues where he expects his sister to come along everywhere you go you will need to dump him.

Answer 3

If you have a problem with his sister now, think about how bad it will be if you are married to him. Either accept her or ditch him.  

Answer 4

I would probably suck it up and go, and not say anything about it to her. I would let my boyfriend know that the next time I plan something, its just for us, no one else allowed. If you make too big of a deal about it now, his sister and possibly his whole family will think you are rude and selfish. they obviously dont understand that you want alone time.

if you refuse to let her come, you and your BF are likely to get in a fight about it and end up not having fun anyway

Answer 5

well considering both my husband and i are both united states army soldiers we dont have time to see each other either. when we do have time i hate it when he friends tag along.

i would tell him. hes your boyfriend and you rarely see him. sit him down and say "baby i was hoping that if would just be you and i going to the zoo. i didnt know how or what to say when your sister was on the phone because i didn't want to sound rude. we dont get to spend time together and i was really excited to be spending the day with you. is there anyway you can tell your sister that we will hang out with her another day?" good luck =]

Answer 6

Sounds pretty selfish. This is his SISTER! She will be a part of his life for the rest of his life, and you'd be making a bad move pushing his family away. I don't know how long you and he have been dating, but maybe you should show some interest in your boyfriend's life and try to get to know his sister despite the language barrier. I understand wanting to have time alone with him, and you could privately request some 'alone time' later that evening, without his sister, but certainly don't 'uninvite' her to the zoo.

I'm sure there will be other opportunities for you two to be alone together. It won't make your boyfriend or his sister feel good knowing that you are not happy with the company at the zoo, which he chose. For this one day it might not be the way that you planned. In my opinion it's not worth creating tension between you, your boyfriend, and the sister (who clearly is in need of his attention if she is asking him to take her to the post office. Sounds like the guy has a lot on his shoulders.)

Answer 7

Yes you have to make your feelings clear to him as this is really not at all the sisters fault. your BF invited her.. he made the offer. she only accepted the invitation. So if anyone was not considering your feelings it was him not her.. Maybe he is very attached to his sister and he doesn't get to see her often and he would like to spend time with her and you.. and then you will have to make the brave gesture and let them talk in Spanish when going to the zoo. .. and you will be the 5th wheel for a day.. that's possible as he can't translate everything that's being said and they might talk about his family whom you don't know well.. the ones back in El Salvador.. you should be able to talk to your partner about how you feel. If he loves you he needs at least to listen to what you have to say.. and understand how important it is for you to have ''alone time with him''. Maybe he will come up with an alternative at least.. that will make it ok to lose this one day to his sister whom he also loves in a different way to you of course.. but she is family after all. Now when you tell him your feelings.. he hopefully will ask your opinion a next time when he impulsively invites someone.. I believe it's best he does let the invitation to the zoo stand for his sister. it would be embarrassing to now uninvite her after he is the guilty party to have invited her in the first place.. it's not her fault...

P.S. Don't get me wrong.. don't let him take advantage.. but this one time I would make the grand gesture and would let him take his sister along to the zoo and if they are polite then they will talk more slowly and clearly so that you will be included in the conversation and after that have a talk with him and make it clear to him that in the future you would like some time with him alone and it is ok to invite family members from time to time as they are his family.. but that he should ask your opinion in matters. that those decisions should be made together.. no hard feelings but that this is normal as a couple.. but as it's Thursday tomorrow i would let the invitation stand....and maybe you and her will get along fine.. if it's just a matter of language difficulties.. one can always find ways.. and he can act as an interpreter.. he should do at least about relevant matters and include you as much as possible in everything then you also get to know the sister better..

Answer 8

You should just come right out and tell him everything you just told us.  Suggest setting a lunch/dinner date for the following Thursday for the three of you.