Boyfriend & Depression - Does he really blame me?

Question

My boyfriend is going through a difficult time and it has sent me on a roller-coaster ride of emotions for weeks, maybe months now. I have been hanging on because I love him and we are so good together on every level. So, when we're good it's perfect but when he is feeling down I feel alone, sad and like I am not in a healthy situation. I am hanging in there because he is fighting it and not giving up on himself of us.

I was ok dealing with everything until this last weekend when he told me that he blames me for it.. that I am the source of the stress that triggers him most of the time. That was like a knife and I still am not sure whether to interpret that literally or as something he said to lash out because he is in pain. I DO KNOW that I will not be the source of someones problem.

So, just wondering if anyone has been through something similar or if you have an opinion. Please keep in mind that I am really in love with this man. Should I tell him we need a break until he figures things out a bit more? Maybe he would see that it is either me or it is not. I don't know what to do.

Answer 1

http://www.cymbalta.com/depression/under...

You can not cause someone else to have depression. There can be many reasons and  many cures.  Please consult with a physician.

Answer 2

That is a difficult situation. I don't think its fair that he is trying to make you responsible for how he feels. I think maybe he was just lashing out at you because he is struggling with his emotions. I think if you truly love him, you should try to hang in there and help him through this. At the same time though, you have to set some boundaries. For example: Is he seeing a doctor? that should be one of your requirements if you are to stay in this relationship. Chances are the depression isn't going to just "pass". He needs help (other than yours) to get past his problems.

From my own personal experience, if someone has depression, they must seek out help in order to improve. I know some people who were depressed, got some therapy and now are in a much better place. its a life long struggle for people with depression and they need to be taught the proper tools in order to be able to cope. Depressed people who do not get help, Almost never get better unless its a temporary depression like grieving.

to sum it up, My advice is to stick with him as long as he is trying to help himself. BUT if you feel like the situation is affecting your self esteem and your moods, Then it may be time to move on...

Answer 3

yes definitely take a break. If he told you that then he said for a reason. Why don't you believe him? Take a break and see what happens. Maybe he is just not happy anymore and doesn't want to hurt you.  

Answer 4

Obviously, the people closest to him are going to trigger him. That's a given.

You are not the source of his problem. Obviously his problems pre-dated even knowing you. He wants you to help him bear intolerable feelings and blamed you so you could share his self-hate. My suggestion is to remain calm, tell him that you're sorry he gets triggered, and let it drop. A break is not the answer here. You have to decide whether or not this guy is who you want to be with, with all his problems and the rollercoaster. If you want to be with him, learn to be far more detached from his moods.

Answer 5

He's a bully, dump him.  A man who hurts you like that doesn't deserve your love.

Answer 6

It sounds like your boyfriend is trying to control you and part of that is by keeping you second guessing everything about your relationship. It's time to move on, I don't think taking a break is the answer.