Boyfriend and depression - does he really blame me?

Question

My boyfriend is going through a difficult time and it has sent me on a roller-coaster ride of emotions for weeks, maybe months now. I have been hanging on because I love him and we are so good together on every level. So, when we're good it's perfect but when he is feeling down I feel alone, sad and like I am not in a healthy situation. I am hanging in there because he is fighting it and not giving up on himself of us.

I was ok dealing with everything until this last weekend when he told me that he blames me for it.. that I am the source of the stress that triggers him most of the time. That was like a knife and I still am not sure whether to interpret that literally or as something he said to lash out because he is in pain. I DO KNOW that I will not be the source of someones problem.

So, just wondering if anyone has been through something similar or if you have an opinion. Please keep in mind that I am really in love with this man. Should I tell him we need a break until he figures things out a bit more? Maybe he would see that it is either me or it is not. I don't know what to do.

Answer 1

Whatever you do,break means bye;so don't break !

Try talking to him more intense,more deep..tell him that he hurt you and make him figure out that you are really suffering,that you want to make things clear because there is no privacy in a relationship.It's like make it or break it ! he shall choose  

Answer 2

Loosen the relationship a bit.

Answer 3

Your boyfriend very likely has a personality disorder. They are very common and generally, someone suffering from a disorder can hide it for some time when they are dating, but - the closer you get, the more likely he will be to act out against you in some way (like blaming you for something that is obviously not your fault).  He's being emotionally abusive to you and I only see it getting worse if you stay with him. You know the old adage: give him an inch and he'll take a mile? Well, every time you go along with what he's doing or saying by not leaving or saying anything to defend yourself, you're giving him an inch. It won't be long before you'll be in a physically abusive relationship, and you'll wonder how things got that far.

Your boyfriend may be going through a tough time now, but that doesn't mean you have to put up with this abusive behavior. Now is the time to leave, before you end up in a dead-end relationship that you're afraid to leave.

Answer 4

Let me get this straight he is your BF not your husband? Why would you want to live like that? Get away from this dude before youre not mentally capable to make the choice.  

Answer 5

I have a depression and anxiety disorder and My boyfriend of 2 years had anger and depression issues.

Been there dont that!

He needs to get to a shrink and get some meds to help even him out. I always thought my depression was because of just being a teen around depressed people but later realized i have such high anxiety that it makes me depressed because i can't control my emotions.  Don't leave him alone help him through it if you love him girl.

It may be a good idea to give him a little more space though, ONLY a little, so he can try and sort his head out. I took a break after the first year of being with my BF and it got to the point where he couldn't look or talk to me. Now its been a a year and we are back together with NO problems at all.

help him get help and don't take it too personaly sweetheart. hes confused right now and probably doesnt mean to put the blame on you but its easier than owning up to it himself.

HTH

good luck!

Answer 6

um, it seems to me that both of you need a break for just a little while to see where things go. You are completely right to feel like your not in a healthy situation  i know exactly how you feel its like not knowing what you can do to make things better.(your Stuck) try talking to him and tell him how you feel. he's obviously stressing over something but it cant be you.. because you haven't done anything. hope i helped email me if anything!

with love,

kitty

Answer 7

My son has bipolar with manic tendencies.  He blames his Dad for everything he is going through.  So dont take it to heart what he says to you but instead, make sure he is on his proper medication.  People who suffer from depression should be seeing a therapist regularly and they have to get the proper rest and, of course, be on the right mix of meds that will stabilize them.  Stress is a part of life.  It is a trigger to both mania and depression but if he is eating right, sleeping right, he should be able to avoid such triggers.  

Id say he is pretty lucky to have you as a girlfriend.  I wouldnt give up on him at all especially in light of the fact that, as you said, he hasnt given up on himself.  Perhaps go to some therapy meeting with him.  Support is the key.

Good luck.  I wish you the very best.