Boyfriend making 'court' threats?

Question

hi all, i'm 4 months pregnant and my boyfriend who is more of an on again off again type is a huge concern atm! Everytime we have an argument, it usually ends in him threatening to try and get full custody of the baby when it's born ( and saying things like he doesn't care about it's right to breast feed). I don't believe he'd ever get it because of his lifestyle (lives with his mum, cant hold down a job, etc) but he probably could make life very difficult for me if he tried. He ends up apologising for his threats but then he'll just turn around and do it again. My family have suggested i cut him off entirely and not put him on the birth certificate so that he would have to prove he's the father before he could take it to court. It seems like a pretty drastic option though, not to mention an immoral one....

Answer 1

If you think that not naming him on the birth certificate is immoral then I suggest you don't go that route.  Never let a man interfere with your moral compass.

It doesn't sound like he's a reasonable person so ending this relationship may be something to consider. You will always have to have a relationship with him as your baby's father but he doesn't have to be your boyfriend for your situation to work out.  I don't know enough to speculate if he would be a good person to keep in your child's life but I do believe that in most cases it's a good idea to have the father in the child's life.  I'm sure he knows that he wouldn't be able to win custody of the child and unless he wants to throw away money on lawyer fees for a case he most likely will lose. Like most unreasonable people he uses empty threats to gain leverage on you and to intimidate you. Don't allow it.  What's important is the baby and remind your boyfriend of that. Selfishness and parenthood don't go hand in hand. Stay strong and remember that it's your responsibility to make sure that baby grows up in a loving and drama free environment.

Good luck!

Answer 2

with the threats that he is making tell him to back off or you'll leave.  And do to the fact that he can not do anything untill the child is born(due to paternity)and the fact that you arent married he cant take you to court and take the child.  I know where i live its a mother state and if you dont put him on the birth cert.  he cannot do anything until paternity is decided.  Even then he will most likely only get visitation rights not parental rights.  id listen to your family they are only saying things in yours and your babies best interest  best of luck  and best wishes

Answer 3

Not to mention that he's abusive and controlling and in a situation like this, it will only escalate. I believe you can safely disregard his threats ever coming true, unless he can prove you are an unfit mother. You need to seriously examine why you'd want this person as your bf. Please make sure you are getting prenatal care. If he's the father, then he is equally responsible for child support. I'd suggest you contact Planned Parenthood for additional help and counseling. You've got a rough road ahead of you. Good luck!

Answer 4

Ask yourself these questions...

1) Are you homeless?

2) Do you do drugs?

3) Have you been diagnosed with a mental illness that causes you to do severe harm to yourself and others on a frequent basis?

If you answered yes to any of those questions your boyfriend may be able to get full custody. Otherwise he has no chance in h**l. The courts don't care if the father is a billionaire who wants to be a full time stay at home parent. The mother will always have at least partial custody if she wants it. Usually he won't even get overnight visits until the child is done breastfeeding.

Tell him it is over and move on.

Answer 5

Drastic and immoral but good advice. I am a women who has dealt with an a*****e ex for 5 years now and he has made my life h**l. Not putting him on the birth certicate will buy you some time to get yourself and baby settled once its born. I know you would like him to be there but he seems like a child and to be honest he cannot gain full custody unless he can prove you are unfit like on drugs, abusive to your child or neglectful etc... he may gain some custody like every other weekend. I would prepare cause thats how i got away with my daughters custody i went to a breastfeeding clinic and cried to them they put me in touch with lawyers pro bono and womens rights and boom the breastfeeding issue was my best arguement the male judge we had argeed breast milk was best milk and that dad only could visit for a few hours a few times a week. Do this for your sanity and your babues safety.

Answer 6

listen i am an 18 y.o women who grew up with out a father my mother and him divorced when i was five and i dont remember anything good about him and everything i was told he was a horrible father and only wanted his bachleor life back.,...... a friend of mine has a  father that is never there for her and  mooches off  her mother and this woman just looks drained every time i see her

be stronger then him and realize its best for your baby to not grow up around that. babies even when young sense the tension and yelling, dont subject a baby to that

Answer 7

listen to your family they are correct. he needs to see a dr as it sounds like he may be bipolar

Answer 8

Listen to your parents!

They, not he, have your best interest at heart.

He sound like a REAL loser.

Imagine how bad he could get.

Answer 9

Will having him in your baby's life make their life better?

Could he support the child in any way??

Does he cause you more stress than he is worth??

I think you should ask yourself these things and remember that your family will support 100%, will he??

Answer 10

Listen to your family and as well, leave him!  That guy is messed up and way to immature to be a family man or a father.  Let him take you to court and try to get custody.  Tell him you'll see him there and that you'll sue him to pay for your lawyer because you'd win.  Men that use intimidation in a relationship for any reason are BAD NEWS!

Answer 11

Make sure you do put him on the birth certificate. He is liable for 18 years of child support now as well as pregnancy expenses you may have. Men who make these kind of threats never go through with them.  Courts never give custody of a newborn to a father as men are unable to breastfeed. Make sure you do take him to court for child support. The court will ask him to do a DNA test before they set up the child support to make sure he is the right person. You will need the financial support from him and your family if you are planning to raise the baby on your own. You will need all the financial help you can arrange. This is a very expensive undertaking for anyone, let alone a single mother. Best wishes, G