Boyfriend proposed to me and I said no?

Question

Okay? Ive been with my boyfriend for 6 years, I'm in early twenties. i love him with all my heart he proposed to me and I said no, just cause Im not ready? I feel young and want to have fun and definintely not have kids yet. Am I normal. /do you think his mad.

Answer 1

You are most certainly NOT wrong to have done that. While I applaud you for not falling into the hype of "Ooh, I'm engaged and getting a wedding", I can understand how your boyfriend would be hurt and upset....

IF you want to do something nice, to soften the blow of your rejection to such an early marriage, you could surprise him with a simple promise ring....

You could tell him that you do love him with all your heart, and when you are truly ready, he is the person you intend top marry....

That way there is no engagement pressure, and you ease any doubts he might have about the relationship since the rejection (I know it sounds awful, but that is what it is....)

ADDITION- I got married at 23, and a few months after got the Mirena IUD inserted. I am NOT ready to be a mommy anytime soon, either. Whenever I'm ready, it'll come out. Getting married doesn't mean you instantly become a baby-making machine....

Answer 2

It sounds like you are doing what is right for you. If you feel you aren't ready, then chances are you are smart to have not said yes. His ego might be hurt and he may be a little confused, but he should be thankful you said no now instead of ending in divorce a year from now because you were not ready.

Just sit down and talk to him if you haven't already. Express why you said no, tell him you love him, but you want things to be right and you want to feel ready before you make the next step.

I think you made a wise choice.

Answer 3

If you aren't ready, then it's better to not make that commitment. You did what you felt was right. That's great! I don't think he's mad, but I do think that maybe you should talk to him. Let him know that you love him and, if I'm correct in saying this, want to marry him one day. But also tell him that you aren't ready yet and you want to have the time to become ready before you make such a commitment.

Answer 4

are you guys still together?

He may not be mad but I am sure he is upset and hurt.

With that being said, I want to give you props on knowing what you want and not feeling presurred into doing something you don't want to

Answer 5

i think you're smart to say no! You should definitely not do something you don't want to do! You go girl! If your relation

Answer 6

if you still want the relationship, write him a letter (not type, write) saying you still love him (if you do) and you don't want the realtionship to end (if you don't) say stuff from the heart. don't be afraid to be mushy. maybe apologize too, even if you're not sorry. it'll make it easier for him.

Answer 7

You know being married doesn't mean you can't have fun. You don't have to immediately have kids. You don't have to become a boring couple. It is just a commitment that you want to spend the rest of your life with that person. Now if you aren't sure about that then you made the right decision.

Answer 8

I am right there with you. We've been together six years, and I am also in my early twenties. I've already made it clear to him that I'm not ready to get married (even though he is 4 years older), and we've both come to an understanding that I want to focus on getting my degree and getting into grad school before I worry about planning a wedding. Although I am sure he is feeling upset by your answer, a 6 year relationship is a big enough investment that it should not be simply thrown down the drain. Tell him how you feel, and like myself, make sure the both of you come to some mutual understanding as to when or at what point in your lives you can start to think about marriage.

Answer 9

Why are you with him then? Being married doesn't mean you have to have kids. We waited over 7 years before having children and were able to "be young" together. If you really wanted to be with him you would have just said yes and had a long engagement. If he's not the one for you then let him go now.

Answer 10

I think you're smart.  You have a lot of living to do and you should be ready before you get married.  Good Job!!

Answer 11

I think you smart for not doing something you don't want to. Its good that you mature enough to say your not ready. I would think he probably is a bit heart broken but depending on how he acts about it might show you how strong your relationship really is

Answer 12

Is that normal... for a girl to say no, but mean yes? Uhhh.... nope!

Why didn't you say yes and just have a looooooooooooooong engagment??? He's prolly hurt/ pissed. How would you feel if you'd had asked him and he said no...

Answer 13

of course its normal. i would have done the same thing. i want to live life before i go through all of the 'normal' things you do in life. (if that makes any sense).

i'm sure your boyfriend is upset, but if he really loves you (and i'm sure he does) he won't be mad.

Answer 14

It's not about being normal or not.  It's about realizing you weren't ready for something and that's really mature.  

My advice, sit him down and talk about it.  Let him know that you feel you both are still too young.  If he loves you and you approach the situation with valid points, a loving heart and maturity, he should understand.

Answer 15

You're a young lady who's using her head.  Enjoy your life.

Answer 16

If you still want to be with him and you eventually want to marry him, you should talk to him about that. Maybe even accecpt a promise ring. Or tell him yes, but you don't want to get married right away. And just b/c you are married doesn't mean you have to have kid, or that you can't have fun. At this point you need to step up or get out. If you have no plans of marrying him, you need to get out, b/c that's not fair to him.

Answer 17

It would be far worse to say yes and enter into a marriage that is doomed before it even began!  Would that be fair to him?  Does he understand that your just not ready?  If he loves you enough to want to marry you, he should love you enough to wait awhile.  Best of luck to both of you.  You made the right choice and he will thank you for it one day.